The Big 6 Month Mark!

On the morning of January 21st, I was going about my morning routine, which involves changing and dressing Hadley for the day. I walked to her closet and looked at her clothes. Then, it hit me...because January 21st was her 6 month birthday, that meant that her 3-6 month clothing could be put away. Not only are we venturing into another age and stage, but we are boxing up another set of clothing. This is a big deal.

Although I had sworn that I would be diligent in recording her landmarks and noting each and every step of her infancy, I have failed miserably. While we know exactly which day Connor ate his first baby food, and at least in which month Kylee ate hers, we will be venturing our best guess when it comes time to write something down for Hadley. I bought a scrapbook a few weeks ago, being well-intentioned about getting started with her birth story and perhaps including a few sonogram pictures and notes about my pregnancy. The scrapbook is currently collecting dust. I am optimistic that it will be pulled out soon (maybe).

I think part of the reason that I haven't documented much is because, with every spare moment I have, I am soaking up the small wonders of having a baby in our house. Instead of gluing pictures into a book, I am watching Hadley interact with the world around her...noting her expressions, her noises, her preferences...and it is blissful. Our girl is now sitting up, eating some baby food, babbling lots, and grabbing everything in sight. This week, we graduated from the infant car seat into a regular seat, and we have moved out of the baby bathtub into the bath turtle (see picture above).

Hadley's personality is fairly laid back. Most of the time, she is content to sit and play and watch the circus that is often revolving around her. She LOVES attention from her brother and sister (who are constantly showering her with affection), and her smile is positively captivating. Her giggle is enough to melt anyone's heart.

The past six months have been a time of great healing for us. We look forward to continuing to watch our baby girl explore and grow. Bring on the 6-9 month clothes. Ready or not, here we come!

You Gotta' Love The Beatles!

Our family got Beatles Rock Band for Christmas this year. Connor took to it immediately, but Kylee has been pretty reluctant to dive in...until a few nights ago, when a star was born:

You gotta' love the Beatles!

Overheard

Kylee received a doctor Barbie from Grandpa and Grandma Lori for Christmas. She was playing with it this morning and said: "This is the nurse Barbie. She tells the Doctor what to do."

That's my girl. :)

December 18th

Well, folks, tomorrow is our 10 year wedding anniversary.

As I reflect on all the changes that the last 10 years has brought, it is amazing. To see where God has brought us...how He's led us as we've gotten there....and the lessons we've learned along the way...incredible.

Anyone who is married knows that marriage teaches you not only about your spouse, but also about yourself. Brandon and I were talking the other night about what we believe makes a marriage successful. We concluded that the success of a marriage depends, of course, on a shared belief system, but also, on the willingness of both partners to put their spouse's needs ahead of their own. I have been blessed to spend the last ten years with a man who consistently loves me as Christ loved the Church. I am very humbled. At our wedding, the Pastor's message was on Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. We have carried that Scripture with us throughout your marriage and it has been such a blessing to us, time and time again.

We have navigated a great deal over the last 10 years...having four children, telling one of them goodbye, job losses, a Master's degree, job changes, new houses, births, deaths, weddings, friendships...and the hustle and bustle that is simply life. I can't imagine that the next 10 years will be nearly as full as the last 10 years have, but somehow, with three children in our home, I know that they will bring a fullness that we have yet to discover. Along the way, there have been many times where complete brokenness seemed inevitable, and yet, we navigated trials together, and, often, our marriage came out stronger as a result of having to endure them.

There are many things that I love about Brandon. But I have to say that my favorite thing is that he is my best friend in the whole world. He sees the worst of me (including my hair first thing in the morning), and still stays. He lets me tease him and understands that sarcasm is often how I show someone that I love them. He encourages me, laughs with me, and takes the time to explain politics to me even though he knows there isn't much space in my brain to hear it. Conversely, he lets me talk through things 1,000 times, knowing that I need to process out loud (even when he doesn't have space in his brain to hear it). He does the dishes before sitting down to watch TV because he knows dishes in the sink make me crazy. He tolerates my intolerance of all things technical, and he knows that, chances are, I won't have my cell phone with me...but he still calls.

He is an AMAZING father to our children...my prayer for our daughters is that they find a man as wonderful as their Daddy is to marry someday...and that our son learns, through the example that Brandon is, of what it means to lead a family as a Godly husband. We've navigated so many things together...as husband and wife....but also as two people who genuinely LIKE each other. When I am with him, I have a strong sense that everything is going to be okay, which has been a gift to me over and over again in our marriage.

I look at our wedding pictures and think about how wonderful that day was, but I also have to think how naive we were at that time in our lives. I think "if we had known then what we know now..."

I am happy to say, even if we had known then what we know now, it wouldn't have changed a thing.

Thanks, Brandon James.

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Is It Christmas Yet?!?!?!

We had a great Thanksgiving. It was the first Thanksgiving in our ten years of marriage that we weren't either travelling or having company. Now, no offense to our family that we travel to see or host here at our home, but it was HEAVENLY to have a low-key holiday. We did drive to Baldwin City for Thanksgiving Day, where we obligingly ate way too much at Dad and Lori's (and had a great time doing it), but the rest of the weekend was "just us" family time...and involved A LOT of Mario Kart playing on the Wii.

Thank you to those of you who have been praying for us since our last post. Your prayers are making a difference and our spirits are lifting as a result of your kindness. Your continued support through prayer means so much!

Part of our Thanksgiving weekend involved pulling out the Christmas decorations. The kids thought this meant that Christmas was the next day...so it has been interesting to tell them, on almost a daily basis, that Christmas is still a little ways away. I love a child's enthusiasm for this time of year.

We were standing in the kitchen the other night getting ready for dinner. Connor asked THE QUESTION point blank..."Is Santa really even REAL, Mom?" I froze.

Some background...certain family members (who shall remain nameless) have given us some good natured trash for fostering the belief in our house that Santa is real. Santa was a big part of my family's Christmas growing up, and the year I found out that he didn't actually exist was DEVASTATING for me (it was the Christmas of my third grade year...I remember it like it was yesterday). So, I have allowed our children to participate in the "Santa rituals" that surround Christmas because it brought me so much joy as a child. What's the harm?

Anyway...back to the story....

Brandon and I looked at each other. We both smiled. We had talked previously about how this exact moment was going to happen anytime. I looked at Connor and then said "Daddy, what do you think?" Brandon said "No, Buddy. He isn't real." Connor smiled...like he had decoded a big mystery.

That night, as I tucked him into bed, I explained to Connor that Santa was just something fun...and that he should be careful about saying he wasn't real, because some children (including his sister) still believe in him. He asked "Then where do the Santa presents come from?" I shared that they came from Mommy and Daddy, secretly gleeful that at long last, we, not Santa, would receive credit for the REALLY cool Christmas presents he has been given over the years. ;) He smiled at me again.

While I completely understand that Jesus, not Santa, is the center of our season, having some good-natured holiday fun with the guy in the red suit has always been special (we throw out reindeer food and the whole bit). This is another sign that our little man is growing up...

Thank goodness the tooth fairy is real, right?

Missing Our Son

Today my heart has been heavy. So tonight, in a rare quiet moment, I turn to the computer to try to peck out how I am feeling, just as I did in the days when our grief and doubt weighed so heavily on us....as we anticipated Caden's birth and then grieved that he would no longer be here with us.

Today was my Mom's birthday. She would have been 55 years old. While it is typical for me to be a little down on this day, I have noticed that as the leaves fall from the trees and the holidays approach, my spirits have been a little low. I think it is because I am missing Caden.

It is such a strange paradox...to celebrate Hadley's first holidays and watch Connor and Kylee anticipate them as well...and yet, to feel such incredible sadness because one of us is missing. As is typical with grief, there are times that are just hard...and this month has been one of them for me.

Both Brandon and I have found ourselves looking at pictures of Caden independently of each other today. While I express only my own feelings, I imagine he is hurting in much the same way. The hurt never leaves.

I feel a profound sadness for those who I know are spending their first set of holidays without their baby...those who have endured losses this year...wounds so fresh, tears so wet, unsure of what to expect but knowing that they are about to tackle several "firsts" that no parent ever wants to take on. My prayers are with them...some whose names I know, and others I don't. May peace find them wherever they are.

The music from this time of year tends to make me extra emotional as well. The songs about Mary carrying the baby Jesus hit me hard. As I was listening to some Christian music this week, I realized that I have had the priviledge of carrying an angel in my womb. What a sacred moment that was for me. How I long to hold my angel. To feel his soft skin against mine...to shower him with kisses and I love you's...to wipe his little bottom, to hear his funny noises....to marvel at his growth and accomplishments.

Tonight, as I think about our precious Caden, I envision him with tiny angel wings along with his beautiful red hair...looking peaceful and contented. I hope he knows how much we love him. Thank you, Lord, for giving our special angel to us. We know his purpose in Your kingdom is far beyond what us mere mortals can comprehend.

Hadley is stirring in the swing, signaling that it is time for eating and cuddling. God is so good.

The Biggest Closer

Last month, Brandon participated in a "contest" at work. The idea was that he and his colleagues were to record each "task" that they completed. Tasks were basically things that they do as a part of their daily work...and each was assigned a certain point value. At the end of each week and then at the end of the month, whoever had the most points won.

Now, if you're smart, you recognize that this was not simply a "let's give credit where credit is due" sort of deal (it never is in corporate America). Rather, it was a way to track employees' productivity in a time where everyone is being asked to justify their existence within the company. Sneaky. I joked and asked when they were going to formally put up the sticker chart.

My husband is a very hard worker. He won the contest overall, earning him the title of "The Biggest Closer". His title was printed across the red sash he was awarded.

My husband is also a very good sport. While most people would have gone running the other direction when the red sash came out (and certainly would have picked up the pace at first sight of a camera), Brandon put it on and even continued to pose for a picture (note the pink gift bag as well, adding that extra touch of masculinity to what could otherwise be perceived as pagentry...hee hee!). He was then a bit dismayed when his co-workers blew up the photo into an 8 X10 and posted it at the office. But I ask, who could resist it?

After I finished giggling at the picture, I warned him that it would appear on the blog.

As the winner of the contest, Brandon is going to be the proud recipient of a stadium blanket. He assures me that the stadium blanket will be nice enough to make wearing the sash worth it.

Brandon makes me smile for so many reasons....not the least of which is his ability to make a red sash and a pink gift bag look good together. :)

More Fall Fun

I begin this post with pictures of our front porch. A colleague of mine, Katie, has a flair for decorating. I asked her to make my porch look cute for fall. Seeing everyone with adorable scarecrows and mums and pumpkins on their porch made me feel like sprucing up our place, but as you can imagine, time to browse the aisles at the stores for cute, budget friendly decorations is not a luxury I have right now. Katie came to the rescue!! The kids lent a helping hand and within seconds, our porch looked really cute. I told her she should go into business.

As promised, here are pictures of Kylee's fall party at school. The first if of her whole class, and the second is, of course, of Hadley. I had her dressed in a "My Little Pumpkin" Halloween ensemble complete with a hat. It cracked me up. The last photo is of Kylee with the special pony she made to "ride" in between stations at the party, along with her cylinder for holding treats and prizes from each stop.

Can you tell these two are related?


The kids still love to hold Hadley. She is generally very tolerant, but sometimes, enough is ENOUGH. What I love about this picture is that Kylee was intent on me capturing this moment of her with baby sister, so she is still posing and leaning in to kiss Hadley despite the screaming.

Every morning when Brandon or I bring her downstairs, she is greated with a chorus of "Hi, Hadley!" when brother and sister see her. Watching our three children together is such a gift. Even in the moments where Hadley has had it. :)

Halloween Happenings

Last week was a fun week filled with lots of fall festivities!

Both kids had their fall parties at school and Hadley and I were able to attend both events...the pics from Kylee's party are on my phone (I will share those later), but here are a few shots of Connor's party:

Hanging with buddy Jalen:

Decorating a pumpkin:

Decorating (and then devouring) a cookie:

Connor and Kylee were SO excited for Halloween this year. As you can see, we had a Clone Trooper, Sleeping Beauty, and a little Pumpkin at our house. I think the older two (especially Kylee) were perhaps more excited about seeing Hadley dressed up then they were about their own costumes. :)

We hit two trunk or treats, trick-or-treated around the Square, and then did a little candy-hunting around the neighborhood. We had a blast and the weather was gorgeous! Here are our pre-trick-or-treating photos:

After collecting enough candy to fill two HUGE bowls, Connor and Kylee collapsed on the floor in sugar-induced comas. It was a great holiday!

Precious