Our holiday season got off to a good start with a wonderful Thanksgiving. We enjoyed good food, fellowship with family, and were able to put up our own Christmas decorations here at home while the weather was almost warm outside! We deemed the weekend a success.
As we were driving down the highway towards our Thanksgiving celebration, I had a moment of real sadness. It seems that on most notable occasions, moments like this hit me. It's the moment where I realize, all over again, that many people that have played an instrumental role in my life and in my holiday celebrations...my Mom, my Grandma, my Grandpa...are no longer here. It's tough. Then, the pit in my stomach grows a bit deeper as I realize that we'll never truly get to spend the holidays as an ENTIRE family...because our Caden isn't with us. This year, I tried to console myself by picturing my baby up in heaven with my family members who are there. I could really see Caden in the midst of so many loving faces and arms. But down here, our minivan seems a little emptier than it should be.
Caden would have been two and a half this Christmas. At that stage where he would just be grasping the excitement of unwrapping a present...and would then be more preoccupied with playing with the paper than what was in the gift bag. He would have worn footie pajamas on Christmas Eve, and would probably have a bulky diaper butt as he ran from room to room with excitement. His little red hair might have stuck up slightly on Christmas morning. I picture Connor helping him put together whatever Santa left under the tree and the two of them laying on the family room floor playing together. There is not one day that we don't wish he was here with us. Not one.
As you, who are faithful readers of this blog, know, my heart goes out to those for whom the holidays aren't filled with happiness. Those who are hurting because they are celebrating the holidays without someone that they love...either for the first time or the twentieth. There are families who have experienced miscarriages and are spending the holidays trying to accept the reality of a dream ending. There are families who have been diagnosed with terminally ill babies, who grapple with the fact that this Christmas will be the only one they get to spend with their soon-to-be angel. There are families trying to establish a new normal without a parent, grandparent, cousin, aunt, uncle, or close friend. I ask that you join me in prayer for those people and families who so desperately need to feel the comfort and peace that only Jesus can bring them.
As for me, I am overwhelmed by the blessings that abound in my world. Good health, a warm home, food in the pantry, and a loving family. Friends that most people search a lifetime for, and a husband that I still can't believe chose me. The pitter patter of feet in my house, a 16 month old vocabulary to listen to, a 6 year old that will change the world and make it a better place, an 8 year old with a heart of gold and an inquistive mind, and yes, even the dog, who despite his own neurotic tendencies, is a part of the family, too.
Most importantly, I am blessed to have a Savior who loves me...even when I struggle and ask, for the millionth time, why I can't spend Christmas with my baby. A Savior who, despite all the tears and heartache, has given me more than a girl could ever ask for.
