A Tribute to Mom

It is a rainy day here in Kansas City...and thankfully, the kids are tolerating being cooped up quite well. Things have been busy here, with both the kids taking swim lessons, Kylee venturing into her first dance class, and Connor working hard in a Cross Country camp sponsored by our school district. Our free moments are spent in the pool at the Community Center, so the odor of chlorine lingers in our car. Yes, summer is here!

Today, I want to take a few moments to talk about someone who meant the world to me....my Mom. As many of you know, my Mom passed away after a brave battle with cancer on June 9, 1999. Today is the ten year anniversary of her death.

Ten years since I have heard her voice, seen her eyes, or touched her hands. Ten years since she has hugged me, encouraged me, or told me that she loved me. Ten years.

The raw pain has diminished as the years have gone by, but June 9th is always a tough one for me. My Mom, whose name was Beth, was one of my best friends. My strongest advocate, for sure. My compass...when at times, perhaps she shouldn't have been. If Mom said it was a good decision, then it was. And if you made a decision that Mom didn't agree with, well, look out. You were in for the silent treatment followed by a loud outburst rivaled only by Mother Nature. But it all stemmed from PASSION. Mom had a lot of that...especially when it came to children...and ESPECIALLY her own.

My Mom loved being with family. When we were dating, there were many Friday and Saturday nights that Brandon and I spent at home with Mom...and now, I am so grateful that we did. Her Sunday lunches were legendary....chicken and noodles and mashed potatoes with gooey white rolls and green bean casserole was my favorite meal she fixed....we would sit around the dining room table and laugh together, talk about life, and just BE. Those are treasured memories that I hold near and dear in my heart. That table we sat around together now sits in our dining room.

Mom loved to talk. Sitting on the kitchen counter, with her cup of coffee and cigarette in close proximity, we would chat for hours. About life, love, work...or whatever was on our minds. She had strong opinions about most everything...religion, men, marriage...and wasn't afraid to say what she thought.

Mom was my biggest fan...but always thought I was too nice and perhaps didn't say what I REALLY thought often enough. I doubted myself too much in her eyes...but in the midst of doubt, I knew I always had home. When I went to college, I was bound and determined to make it a full month before coming home. I called two weeks into my first semester and begged her to let me come back and stay for a weekend. I know now that she was as relieved to see me as I was to be home with her. :)

I found out Mom was sick just one month before she passed away. She had known since February that she was sick...but I was finishing up college and she knew that if she told me of her diagnosis, I would quit school and move home. In May, when I found out she was ill, I moved home and helped take care of her the month before her death. Doctors had said there was no hope...we pursued all the options, but in the end, heaven called.

The moment she died, I was there with her. I am thankful that I was. I have reflected on that moment many times since then, and it brings me peace to know how close to heaven I was in that second where her spirit left her body. I told her I loved her as I watched her leave earth. It was an amazing and heartbreaking moment.

What do I miss most about my Mom? Being able to call her and check in. Having her around when I don't feel good or have just had a really bad day. What saddens me most is knowing that she won't be a part of my kids' lives, although I know that she knows them well despite not being here on earth. I believe she would love Connor's gentle heart and she would adore Kylee's strong spirit. I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, who is watching over Caden for us. What an incredible gift.

Mom, I miss you each and every day. Thanks for the love, laughs, hugs, and sacrifices that you gave and made for me. I realize, now that I am a mother myself, how tired you must have been...and yet, you kept on going and helped form me into who I am today. We had more great moments together in 22 years than many Moms and daughters do in a lifetime, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Rest In Peace.