And for the grand finale...this one is lengthy, so grab a cup of coffee and settle in! :)
1997-Present (ages 20-30)
1.) In the spring of 1997, at the age of 20, I had the privilege of studying abroad for a semester at Harlaxton College in Grantham, England. My classmate Maggie Dunlap and I boarded a plane in early January and took off for England. For four months, I lived in a HUGE castle, complete with ornate gold ceilings and gorgeous stone turrets. During my time abroad, I visited several countries, including Italy, Ireland, France, Scotland, Austria, and Germany. It was unreal. I continued my Nursing studies there and got a unique glimpse into what free national healthcare looks like (suffice it to say that I am very thankful I live in the USA). My mother, brother, and sister came to visit me in March and we had an incredible time together touring London and Ireland. I made wonderful friends (hello, Robyn, AJ, Matt, and Cyndi!) and a lifetime of memories. Lesson: There is so much rich history in this world that Americans are totally ignorant about. Secondary lesson: I LOVE Heinz ketchup and Hidden Valley Ranch, which I lived without during my time in England (never fear, I managed to console myself with large doses of Cadbury hot chocolate from the Harlaxton cafeteria). Accomplishment: I learned how to navigate, emotionally and geographically, almost anywhere. There’s nothing like being a single woman in several different foreign countries to teach you self-sufficiency and instill in you an amazing sense of confidence.
2.) While I was in England, Brandon came over for a week-long visit over my birthday. During his stay in the castle’s guest quarters, he proposed to me. It was a very beautiful moment. Surprise ending: I said “yes”. Lesson: Under no circumstances should anyone be engaged for almost two years like we were. Engagement is only fun for about 4 months, if that. However, getting engaged in a beautiful castle in England was totally worth having to be engaged as long as we were. Brandon couldn't pass that romantic opportunity up! Accomplishment: Choosing to spend the rest of my life with an amazing man. Even bigger accomplishment: Having him choose me.
3.) In the spring of 1999, I took a road trip with my college girlfriends down to Alabama. We stayed with one of my friend’s (the aforementioned Heather) parents. A little bit of background: These girls and I had been roommates in a three-bedroom duplex located at the infamous 510 Spring Avenue. For one year, Heather, Dana, Jennifer, and I laughed, cried, stressed, relaxed, slept, pulled all-nighters, and celebrated together. We celebrated holidays, prayed with each other through hard times, took turns cooking meals, and were religious about paying the bills on time. It was our first experience with “real world” living, and I can’t imagine sharing it with anyone else. God knew that we needed each other at this important time in our lives (our senior year of college), and that we would need each other in the years to come. Girls, I love you. Anyway…we decided to celebrate the end of our college careers with a trip to the beach. It was FANTASTIC. We loaded up Heather’s CRV and drove several hours to the Falk Ranch down in Alabama, where we ate like queens, slept late, and got to go out boating. Lesson: There simply is no substitute for good girlfriends. Accomplishment: I believe that in some form, this is the last time that I was FULLY joyful.
4.) Now, that last statement may sound brutal, but let me explain. I graduated from college on May 9, 1999. My family and friends attended my nursing pinning ceremony, followed by William Jewell’s graduation. I MADE IT! I was graduating with my Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing. That evening, my Mom delivered devastating news to me. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in February and had been told that she wouldn’t even live to see me graduate. She hadn’t told ANYONE in our family because she didn’t want me to quit school and move home. I will never forget hearing her story as we sat together in a room at the Fairfield Inn in Liberty. What started as a day of celebration ended in complete heartache. This began the worst month of my life. I went back to the duplex, packed up my things, and drove to Lindsborg to be with my Mom.
5.) On June 9, 1999, my mother went to be with Jesus. The month prior to her passing was unreal. For the first couple weeks after I moved home, she did okay. We sought answers: I met with her doctors, we went to appointments, she had a blood transfusion. She and I flew down to New Mexico together to try to get some help with a specialist in alternative medicine. But the decline in her health was rapid. Mom refused to go to the hospital, so we provided 24-hour care for her at home. After two weeks, she could no longer walk and required assistance with bathing. Three weeks after that, she no longer spoke coherently, she couldn’t eat without throwing up, and her eyes lost their sparkle. The pain from the 12-pound tumor in her abdomen was so unbearable that she couldn’t lie down, so she didn’t sleep. The day that her legs were so swollen we could no longer get pants on her was devastating for all of us. My Mom was one of the strongest, proudest women I know, and to watch her lose her independence was incredibly difficult for us all. Her dearest friends all took turns coming to Lindsborg to say their goodbyes, and although Mom would never speak with me about it, she told them how she wanted her funeral to be. Hospice was called. I will never forget the moment I realized that Mom wasn’t going to get better—just a few days before she died. It was hope that had sustained me through the endless days, nights, and hours of worry and helplessness. I woke up on the morning of June 9th and got report from Chris Brady, her friend who had been on the “night shift”. He said that in the middle of the night, her breathing had changed. My education in nursing school had taught me what this meant. I knew the end was near. I went down to be with her and called my family, most of who were not far away. My sister began the drive from Lawrence, Kansas, where she was attending school. Sadly, she wouldn’t make it home in time. I sat with my mom and watched the color slowly drain from her face. She breathed her last breath around 1:15 pm and I was there, holding her hand, telling her that I loved her. It was the most painful, and yet one of the most incredible moments of my life. Lesson: Love your family and treasure every moment you have with them. Give lots of extra hugs and “I love you’s”. I learned a lot about what is truly important in this world, and folks, it isn’t money, what kind of car you drive, or how big your house is. Accomplishment: I had the greatest Mom EVER. And, I got to be there with her when she left this world. I hope and pray that I can continue to honor her with my daily life.
6.) After my Mom’s death, life slowly resumed. In May, I had moved into my first home in Liberty, and in July, I started work on the Hematology/Oncology floor at KU Medical Center. In August, I passed my licensing exam, which meant I was officially a Registered Nurse. Caring for cancer patients right after losing my Mom was incredibly difficult, but also very healing for me. I learned that I was not alone in dealing with cancer, which was very comforting. I fell in love with Nursing. However, given all of my experiences, I only lasted at KU for about a year before realizing that I needed to get away from cancer for awhile. My experience there was a marvelous education. I learned what REAL nursing was all about, and although it wasn’t glamorous, it was my mission field. Lesson: Caring for others is a great way to work through your own pain. However, grief is a strange thing and you need to be allowed to feel it in your OWN way in your OWN time. Accomplishment: I became a dang good nurse. There wasn’t a skill I didn’t use during my time on Unit 42. I realized that I had DEFINITELY made the right choice for my profession.
7.) In the summer of 1999, Brandon and I decided that maybe we should set a wedding date. So, December 18, 1999 it was. We had a Christmas wedding and it was fantastic. The wait was finally over. I look back on our wedding pictures now and realize how blind we were going into it—even after almost 6 years of dating and several years more of friendship. We used a passage in Ecclesiastes for our wedding—Chapter 4 verses 9-12: ”…A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”. How cool it is that God led us to that verse because it has certainly been a theme in our marriage. Lesson: The wedding is just the beginning. Accomplishment: Getting through the wedding led to an incredible honeymoon in Hawaii (during which I wore my first and last bikini—also a notable accomplishment in my book).
Additional commentary: Our first years of marriage were filled with adventure. Brandon started work in the IT field and I continued working as a nurse and eventually went back to school. We traveled, went to the movies, and ate out often. Ah, the simple pleasures of days gone by!! Lesson: Enjoy these newlywed moments. After having children, even a trip to Target seems like a cross-country trek, and spending $20 on a night at the movies is a crazy indulgence (after all, you could buy a package of diapers with that money!). Accomplishment: Learning how to be a wife. After studying Proverbs 31 in college, I didn’t know for sure how this was going to work out for me (especially given that I wasn’t a morning person and therefore certainly wasn’t going to be up sewing clothes for my family at dawn). Brandon and I learned that we worked well together as a team and I learned that being a good wife is one of God’s highest callings, and isn't as easy as some folks make it look.
8.) In August 2002, I graduated from the KU School of Nursing with my Master’s Degree. I knew that I wanted to create more options for myself in my field, and although I had no idea what I would use it for, Brandon and I decided that getting my advanced degree was good insurance for our future. It turns out that was a smart move…I started teaching at William Jewell College in the fall of 2002, where I remain today and have found my niche. Being able to teach future nurses is my passion, and I feel blessed to have a part in building Nursing’s future. But wait! Let’s back track a bit…
9.) On June 13, 2002, I became a Mommy. Connor James Carlson emerged into the world after 12 incredibly long hours of labor and a 41-week pregnancy (please note that this was ONE FULL WEEK longer than it was supposed to be—those of you who have watched your due date come and go know what kind of craziness this induced within me). Words can’t describe the joy Connor has brought into my life. This little blonde angel stole our hearts from moment one. My desire to be a mother was so strong, and holding our son for the first time was the fulfillment of so many of my dreams (trying to learn how to breastfeed effectively, however, was not). Watching Connor learn and grow has simply been one of the greatest gifts God gives me on a daily basis. Watching my husband be a father is another one of God’s gifts to me. Lesson: God is completely amazing. I only hope I can teach Connor as much about Jesus as he has taught me. Accomplishment: Being entrusted with a young person’s life is the highest calling of them all. No question.
10.) I end with Kylee Jordan Carlson, who arrived on September 9, 2004. Now, I am not going to lie. When we found out we were having a daughter, I was completely mortified. I had no idea what to do with a GIRL!!! Plus, I knew that having a daughter would force me, in a way different than Connor had, to relieve some very special memories of my own mother, which scared me, because I wasn’t sure how that would feel (not that those memories were bad, I just didn’t know if I would be thrown into some kind of depression as I tried to raise my daughter without my own mother around). I spent the last month of my pregnancy crying about my inadequacies as a mother of a girl and thinking for sure that God was making a big mistake. I was wrong. The minute the nurse put little Kylee in my arms, I felt a sense of completeness that I had never felt before. Our little redhead makes us laugh and helps us see the world from an entirely different viewpoint. Her honesty, compassion, spunkiness, and utter determination remind me of my Mom, and maybe a little bit of myself. Watching her diapered little bottom run across the room with her wispy toddler mullet hair flowing behind her is incredible. Her smile, complete with one dimple on her right cheek, is priceless. I am filled with love and gratitude. Lesson: God really does know exactly what we need. There is no greater gift than a healthy, happy child. Accomplishment: Surviving the adjustment to two children (this is, I believe, still in progress for me as we enter new stages each day and I struggle to know just how a 2 and 4 year old can know exactly which buttons to push to make my head explode).
There you have it, folks. As I turn 30 today, it strikes me that I am totally, completely blessed. Thanks for reading.
Here’s to hoping that my next 30 years are filled with even more incredible experiences, surrounded by a loving family and lots of good friends. I look forward to watching my children grow, holding hands with my husband, and helping to make the world a better place with the gifts God has given me.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Reflections on Three Decades, Part II
!1987-1997 (ages 10-20)
1.) In 1989, our family came face-to-face with the harsh reality of AIDS. We said goodbye to my Uncle Kevin (my Dad’s brother) this year, and learned a lot about what was considered at this date, to be a scary, highly communicable, unknown disease. My parents had not shared details of my Uncle’s illness with us in an effort to protect us. One day at the dinner table, Dad finally broke down and told us that Uncle Kevin was sick. He came to visit us one last time, and in a time when AIDS was feared, we welcomed Kevin into our house. 213 N. First was transformed into a mini-hospital complete with wheelchair, oxygen tank, and assistance to the bathroom. As Uncle Kevin went to sleep in my sister’s bed, I told him good night for the last time. He was very ill, but still full of spunk. I wouldn’t realize until later what an important lesson this was for us kids. A few years later, Dad and us kids made a panel in the AIDS quilt for Kevin and then took a trip to see the quilt in Wichita. It was highly emotional and incredible. This was my first experience with grief. Lesson: Life is short. Even people that make choices different than our own are worthy of love. Accomplishment: My views on AIDS and homosexuality changed forever. Thank you, Uncle Kevin.
2.) At age 12, I had my first experience with love. Let me just say up front that during this time in my life, Brandon was heavily pursuing my best friend, Jessi Randall, so I was not leaving him high and dry. Ryan and I started “going together” in 7th grade. It was one of those silly things where on a whim, my girlfriends and I thought it would be fun to get the two of us together. Literally, I had never spoken to this guy when we embarked on what would turn into a rather lengthy relationship. Ryan eventually moved to Andover, Kansas, and then down to Texas, so the majority of our relationship was spent apart. We kept in touch via letters and phone, with occasional visits over holidays. Lesson: First love is unforgettable, but giving of your heart can be painful. Ryan eventually dumped me for a Texas beauty queen (literally). Accomplishment: I endured my first broken heart. I wouldn’t change the experience. I wish him well wherever he is.
3.) In eighth grade, I somehow ended up in advanced math. Most folks didn’t take Algebra until they were in highschool, but due to my score on a standardized test, I got thrown in with the “smart kids” and invited to take Algebra a year early. In an effort to survive this, Brandon and I became great friends. Brandon was my life-line in Mr. Henderson's Algebra class. Mom and Dad would offer their help, but in the end, the 911 call always went out to Brandon, who would come over and very patiently explain equations to me. Lesson: Standardized testing is interesting. How on earth did I end up in advanced math class? Maybe I’m smarter than I think I am (Bad News: My ACT score would show that unfortunately, this was not the case).
4.) Prior to the start of my freshman year of high school (I think I was about 13), my parents told us of their decision to get a divorce. I think that, as the oldest child in the family, I had known that something was wrong in their relationship, but still, the words hurt. This was obviously a huge turning point in our family’s life. I would learn that things aren’t always what they appear to be, and I would watch my mom and dad learn how to be single parents. Mom cried in frustration when the slats on her bed broke and she had to try to fix it without Dad’s help. Dad would get frustrated when dinner didn’t turn out quite like it was supposed to (I will never forget the dipping the fish filets in powdered sugar instead of flour supper debaucle). But they worked hard to keep us kids first. Lesson: Divorce stinks. A good marriage takes A LOT of work. Marry your best friend.
5.) I got my driver’s license and my first car at age 16. Ariel was my sand-colored four-door, 1993 Mercury Tracer. I was responsible for making the payment on her--$150 a month. Grandpa helped me find Ariel at Marmie Ford in Great Bend, Kansas, and she was a beauty. With a standard transmission and NO bells and whistles, she was a GREAT car. Accomplishment: Only one wreck (my fault) in high school. Lesson: Having Ariel taught me personal responsibility as I worked hard at Casper’s Ice Cream and Deli to pay for her. Even though some of my friends were given a car, I am thankful that I had to pay for my own. Additional accomplishment: As a result of my job at Casper's, I became a MASTER at deep-fat frying, flipping burgers, and making milkshakes (sometimes all at once). Very important life skills if you ask me.
6.) In the winter of 1994, during my senior year of high school, I made the decision to attend William Jewell College as a Nursing major. This was the first time in my life where I very distinctly felt God calling me in a certain direction. For YEARS, I had planned on going to college at KU. All of the sudden, six months before high school graduation, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to go to KU. My parents and grandparents then took me on several college campus visits, and the minute I stepped up on “The Hill” in Liberty, MO, I knew that William Jewell was where I was supposed to be. It was unreal. Lesson: God speaks to us in a variety of ways. Accomplishment: Following His prompts led me to make one of the BEST decisions I’ve ever made.
7.) I graduated from Smoky Valley High School in 1995. I was Vice-President of my class and a member of National Honors Society and the Lindsborg Swedish Folk Dancers (a little known fact about me). I planned our Junior prom and it was a knock-out affair. I spoke at our Commencement ceremony. I was the first chair clarinetist in the band, and also sang in the choir (which my future mother-in-law directed). I took Honors English and had a very short-lived and pathetic career on the volleyball team. I was surrounded with wonderful friends (let me give a shout out here to Jessi, Jen, Megs, and Alex) and had a GREAT time during my high school years. As I reflect on these years, I realize just how wonderful they were. I was secure, surrounded by people that loved me, and very successful (at least in high school terms). Lesson: Big bangs ROCK. Being a big fish in a little pond has its advantages. Along with cheerleading, I am not cut out for volleyball, either. Accomplishment: I did my part to keep aerosol hairspray companies and Brass Buckle in business.
8.) In the fall of 1995, at 18 years of age, I left home for Liberty, MO and began my tenure as a nursing major at William Jewell College. I instantly felt safe and at home amongst the 1500 other students on campus. I made friends, joined campus organizations, and in spite of a difficult roommate situation, I was happy. I really missed being at home, and distinctly remember my first visit home after two weeks away at school. It was great to visit my family and see how life had gone on without me. Getting my laundry done for free, working a shift at the Main Street Grill, my Mom's restaurant, to earn some tips, and a date night with Brandon was the standard fare of a weekend at home. It was great. During the weeks, I studied hard and learned that as a Nursing major, the stakes were pretty high. I remember studying for hours for one of my first Chemistry tests and getting a C on it. Reality came crashing down hard, but I was up for the challenge. Lesson: The college years really are as fantastic as people say they are. A home-cooked meal tastes even better after weeks of cafeteria food. Accomplishment: Establishing myself as an independent entity and starting over. I knew NO ONE on Jewell’s campus when I started school. God provided amazing friends (enter Heather Falk) and a strong support network that was exactly what I needed. Lesson from the WJC Cafeteria: If you combine Golden Grahams cereal and vanilla soft-serve and drizzle honey over it, it tastes just like fried ice cream.
9.) Even more important was the spiritual growth I experienced soon after arriving on Jewell’s campus. I was surrounded by a strong Christian community that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Christianity could be FUN?!?! Who knew? It was during my freshman year of college that my Faith became real to me and I made the decision that I wanted to know Jesus in a personal way. I had gone to church for years, but this was the first time that I realized that Jesus desired a personal relationship with me. I asked Him to forgive my sins and come live in my heart. When given the opportunity to explore my values and beliefs for myself, I soared. Christianity didn’t mean that you had to be a frumpy person that could recite every word from the Bible at a moment’s notice. God loved me even though I wasn’t perfect. There was grace even for me. What a feeling of freedom! During my sophomore year of college, Becca Wiebe came into my life. She was my prayer partner assigned to me through Alpha Omega, a women's group I was a member of. Almost 11 years later, we still pray for each other individually and together. Wow. What a blessing. I made many new friends who supported me in my decision to grow in my Faith (hello to all of you Jewell alums!). Accomplishment: Making a huge life change that would affect the way I lived my from this point forward. Lesson: His grace is sufficient for me.
10.) It was also during this period in my life where God showed me that Brandon was the man I was to marry. Unfortunately, this message wasn’t delivered to Brandon until about a year after it was laid on my heart. ;) I learned a lot about Godly roles in a marriage after studying them in various Bible studies, and knew that Brandon fit the bill, hands down. We had left for college deciding that if either of us were to meet someone else, that would be okay. I knew soon after setting foot on campus that there would be no one else for me. Lesson: Patience truly is a virtue, and long distance love is hard. Accomplishment: We stuck it out and look what happened.
1.) In 1989, our family came face-to-face with the harsh reality of AIDS. We said goodbye to my Uncle Kevin (my Dad’s brother) this year, and learned a lot about what was considered at this date, to be a scary, highly communicable, unknown disease. My parents had not shared details of my Uncle’s illness with us in an effort to protect us. One day at the dinner table, Dad finally broke down and told us that Uncle Kevin was sick. He came to visit us one last time, and in a time when AIDS was feared, we welcomed Kevin into our house. 213 N. First was transformed into a mini-hospital complete with wheelchair, oxygen tank, and assistance to the bathroom. As Uncle Kevin went to sleep in my sister’s bed, I told him good night for the last time. He was very ill, but still full of spunk. I wouldn’t realize until later what an important lesson this was for us kids. A few years later, Dad and us kids made a panel in the AIDS quilt for Kevin and then took a trip to see the quilt in Wichita. It was highly emotional and incredible. This was my first experience with grief. Lesson: Life is short. Even people that make choices different than our own are worthy of love. Accomplishment: My views on AIDS and homosexuality changed forever. Thank you, Uncle Kevin.
2.) At age 12, I had my first experience with love. Let me just say up front that during this time in my life, Brandon was heavily pursuing my best friend, Jessi Randall, so I was not leaving him high and dry. Ryan and I started “going together” in 7th grade. It was one of those silly things where on a whim, my girlfriends and I thought it would be fun to get the two of us together. Literally, I had never spoken to this guy when we embarked on what would turn into a rather lengthy relationship. Ryan eventually moved to Andover, Kansas, and then down to Texas, so the majority of our relationship was spent apart. We kept in touch via letters and phone, with occasional visits over holidays. Lesson: First love is unforgettable, but giving of your heart can be painful. Ryan eventually dumped me for a Texas beauty queen (literally). Accomplishment: I endured my first broken heart. I wouldn’t change the experience. I wish him well wherever he is.
3.) In eighth grade, I somehow ended up in advanced math. Most folks didn’t take Algebra until they were in highschool, but due to my score on a standardized test, I got thrown in with the “smart kids” and invited to take Algebra a year early. In an effort to survive this, Brandon and I became great friends. Brandon was my life-line in Mr. Henderson's Algebra class. Mom and Dad would offer their help, but in the end, the 911 call always went out to Brandon, who would come over and very patiently explain equations to me. Lesson: Standardized testing is interesting. How on earth did I end up in advanced math class? Maybe I’m smarter than I think I am (Bad News: My ACT score would show that unfortunately, this was not the case).
4.) Prior to the start of my freshman year of high school (I think I was about 13), my parents told us of their decision to get a divorce. I think that, as the oldest child in the family, I had known that something was wrong in their relationship, but still, the words hurt. This was obviously a huge turning point in our family’s life. I would learn that things aren’t always what they appear to be, and I would watch my mom and dad learn how to be single parents. Mom cried in frustration when the slats on her bed broke and she had to try to fix it without Dad’s help. Dad would get frustrated when dinner didn’t turn out quite like it was supposed to (I will never forget the dipping the fish filets in powdered sugar instead of flour supper debaucle). But they worked hard to keep us kids first. Lesson: Divorce stinks. A good marriage takes A LOT of work. Marry your best friend.
5.) I got my driver’s license and my first car at age 16. Ariel was my sand-colored four-door, 1993 Mercury Tracer. I was responsible for making the payment on her--$150 a month. Grandpa helped me find Ariel at Marmie Ford in Great Bend, Kansas, and she was a beauty. With a standard transmission and NO bells and whistles, she was a GREAT car. Accomplishment: Only one wreck (my fault) in high school. Lesson: Having Ariel taught me personal responsibility as I worked hard at Casper’s Ice Cream and Deli to pay for her. Even though some of my friends were given a car, I am thankful that I had to pay for my own. Additional accomplishment: As a result of my job at Casper's, I became a MASTER at deep-fat frying, flipping burgers, and making milkshakes (sometimes all at once). Very important life skills if you ask me.
6.) In the winter of 1994, during my senior year of high school, I made the decision to attend William Jewell College as a Nursing major. This was the first time in my life where I very distinctly felt God calling me in a certain direction. For YEARS, I had planned on going to college at KU. All of the sudden, six months before high school graduation, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to go to KU. My parents and grandparents then took me on several college campus visits, and the minute I stepped up on “The Hill” in Liberty, MO, I knew that William Jewell was where I was supposed to be. It was unreal. Lesson: God speaks to us in a variety of ways. Accomplishment: Following His prompts led me to make one of the BEST decisions I’ve ever made.
7.) I graduated from Smoky Valley High School in 1995. I was Vice-President of my class and a member of National Honors Society and the Lindsborg Swedish Folk Dancers (a little known fact about me). I planned our Junior prom and it was a knock-out affair. I spoke at our Commencement ceremony. I was the first chair clarinetist in the band, and also sang in the choir (which my future mother-in-law directed). I took Honors English and had a very short-lived and pathetic career on the volleyball team. I was surrounded with wonderful friends (let me give a shout out here to Jessi, Jen, Megs, and Alex) and had a GREAT time during my high school years. As I reflect on these years, I realize just how wonderful they were. I was secure, surrounded by people that loved me, and very successful (at least in high school terms). Lesson: Big bangs ROCK. Being a big fish in a little pond has its advantages. Along with cheerleading, I am not cut out for volleyball, either. Accomplishment: I did my part to keep aerosol hairspray companies and Brass Buckle in business.
8.) In the fall of 1995, at 18 years of age, I left home for Liberty, MO and began my tenure as a nursing major at William Jewell College. I instantly felt safe and at home amongst the 1500 other students on campus. I made friends, joined campus organizations, and in spite of a difficult roommate situation, I was happy. I really missed being at home, and distinctly remember my first visit home after two weeks away at school. It was great to visit my family and see how life had gone on without me. Getting my laundry done for free, working a shift at the Main Street Grill, my Mom's restaurant, to earn some tips, and a date night with Brandon was the standard fare of a weekend at home. It was great. During the weeks, I studied hard and learned that as a Nursing major, the stakes were pretty high. I remember studying for hours for one of my first Chemistry tests and getting a C on it. Reality came crashing down hard, but I was up for the challenge. Lesson: The college years really are as fantastic as people say they are. A home-cooked meal tastes even better after weeks of cafeteria food. Accomplishment: Establishing myself as an independent entity and starting over. I knew NO ONE on Jewell’s campus when I started school. God provided amazing friends (enter Heather Falk) and a strong support network that was exactly what I needed. Lesson from the WJC Cafeteria: If you combine Golden Grahams cereal and vanilla soft-serve and drizzle honey over it, it tastes just like fried ice cream.
9.) Even more important was the spiritual growth I experienced soon after arriving on Jewell’s campus. I was surrounded by a strong Christian community that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Christianity could be FUN?!?! Who knew? It was during my freshman year of college that my Faith became real to me and I made the decision that I wanted to know Jesus in a personal way. I had gone to church for years, but this was the first time that I realized that Jesus desired a personal relationship with me. I asked Him to forgive my sins and come live in my heart. When given the opportunity to explore my values and beliefs for myself, I soared. Christianity didn’t mean that you had to be a frumpy person that could recite every word from the Bible at a moment’s notice. God loved me even though I wasn’t perfect. There was grace even for me. What a feeling of freedom! During my sophomore year of college, Becca Wiebe came into my life. She was my prayer partner assigned to me through Alpha Omega, a women's group I was a member of. Almost 11 years later, we still pray for each other individually and together. Wow. What a blessing. I made many new friends who supported me in my decision to grow in my Faith (hello to all of you Jewell alums!). Accomplishment: Making a huge life change that would affect the way I lived my from this point forward. Lesson: His grace is sufficient for me.
10.) It was also during this period in my life where God showed me that Brandon was the man I was to marry. Unfortunately, this message wasn’t delivered to Brandon until about a year after it was laid on my heart. ;) I learned a lot about Godly roles in a marriage after studying them in various Bible studies, and knew that Brandon fit the bill, hands down. We had left for college deciding that if either of us were to meet someone else, that would be okay. I knew soon after setting foot on campus that there would be no one else for me. Lesson: Patience truly is a virtue, and long distance love is hard. Accomplishment: We stuck it out and look what happened.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Reflections on Three Decades, Part I
Good Morning!
As many of you know, and some of you may not know, I am turning 30 on Thursday. Initially, I didn't view this as any big deal. However, many folks have asked me "How do you feel about turning 30?", and the more people ask me this question, the more I think maybe I'm under-estimating a landmark turning point in my life. Therefore, in an attempt to do some reflection, I have decided to begin a three-part series on lessons I've learned and things I've accomplished in my 30 years on this earth. This may not be exciting for you, but for me, it's a chance to be introspective, so look out.
Part I: 1977-1987 (or, ages 1-10)
1.) On February 22, 1977 in the late afternoon, I, Lindsey Louise McKinney, was born in Iowa City, Iowa. Now, don't get me wrong, my mother gets WAY more credit than I do for this particular accomplishment, but all the same, I figure I should begin here. According to mom, I arrived into the world purple with red hair. Mom swore that I looked as though I wasn't done "cooking" yet, and confessed to wondering if I needed to be put back in to bake a bit longer. Interesting note: I arrived precisely on my due date, which I believe demonstrates that I was born with Type A tendencies. Also interesting: I don't think I've ever been on time anywhere since then. :)
2.) Fall, 1978: I fall down the stairs of Alma Swensson Hall in Lindsborg, Kansas, and break my femur at 18 months of age. As a result, I end up in traction in the hospital for several weeks. I don't remember this, but as I look at pictures of me hanging basically upside-down, I see that many people have brought me stuffed animals and toys to play with, so I know that I was loved by many from an early age. Several family friends and relatives take shifts at the hospital to try to give Mom and Dad a break. If anyone in a white uniform came into the room, I would start blowing them kisses and saying "bye-bye" because any procedure was so painful for me. Accomplishment: I subsequently learned how to walk in a body cast. :)
3.) June 5, 1979: At two years of age, I become a big sister. Sarah Adair McKinney arrives on the scene. Sarah is the yin to my yang. We spent most of our younger years arguing and I considered it my personal mission to keep my parents informed of all of her inappropriate activities. She was the outdoorsy tomboy, I was the indoor powder puff. I wouldn't realize what a landmark moment this was until about 20 years later, when I learned what a great friend and source of comfort my sister could be.
4.) Around age five, I start kindergarten at Riverside Elementary, in Mrs. Finney's class. My first day of school, I was such a nervous wreck that I wet my pants. I arrived back home sobbing with soggy underwear. Enter one of the first memories of my Mom--she stripped my wet clothes off of me (I still remember the strawberry-decorated jumper I was wearing) and just held me on her lap in a rocking chair for a very long time. I remember feeling very safe in her arms. No words, just comfort. A great lesson in parenting for me at such an early age.
5.) December 29, 1981: I become a big sister for the second time. Jordan Craig McKinney enters the world. Jordan had everyone wrapped around his little finger from the very beginning. It was difficult to resist this little guy with red hair and a face full of freckles. He has since become one of my greatest sources of joy in this world because his ability to make me laugh is almost incomparable. Jordan's perspective on life, is, well, very Jordan-esque. Lesson: Getting to be a big sister is LOTS of fun. I now officially have TWO people to boss around. Bonus: One is a boy, which means Sarah and I automatically have someone to play the Daddy when we're playing house or to play Ken when the Barbies come out. In order to save my brother utter humiliation, I will admit that his willingness to do this was extremely short-lived.
6.) Around about this time, we moved to 213 North First in Lindsborg, Kansas, the big white Victorian house that I would grow up in. I still remember Mom and Dad turning us loose to pick out our own rooms. I picked out the bedroom at the front of the house, just off the balcony. It was my VERY OWN space, and I promptly decorated it with every pink colored item one could find. Lesson: Just because two things are the same color (pink), does not mean that they should go together. Dusty rose DOES NOT match baby-pink.
7.) I began first grade at age 6, in Mrs. Temple's class at Soderstrom Elementary. Accomplishment: I didn't pee my pants on the first day of school. Also noteworthy here is that I became Brandon Carlson's "girlfriend". We sat at the same table in school together and would often compete to get assignments finished first (I should have learned then that I would rarely finish first when competing with him in academics). In the heat of our competition, he apparently saw something he liked and asked me if I liked him more than J.D. Weis, another boy in our class who was apparently vying for my attention (it was literally a "check yes or no" note on the back of an empty box of Valentine's chocolates). Whether it was to defeat J.D. or because he really liked me, it was the beginning of something very special. I checked "yes" on the Valentine's box.
8.) This same year, I had my first interaction with my future father-in-law. Aaron came to our class to help us with math, and he sat at our table and spoke with me. He tells me I was very quiet. I don't remember this moment, but I hope that I made a good impression, because I math has never been my strong suite, and I sure wouldn't want to have looked dumb in front of the father of my future husband. :)
9.) In this first decade of life, I also earned my first trip to the Principal's office. Jennifer Bloomquist had gone home crying one day because Leah and Martha Woodard and I had denied her membership in our most-esteemed Cheerleading Club (I believe our reasoning was something to the effect of her not having the right color hair). Jennifer's mom called the school about our exclusion, and I landed myself in the Principal's office for a stern warning about being mean to other children. I would have faced the Principal 100 times if it meant I could avoid hearing from my mom on this issue, but no luck. My mom chewed me out royally. Lesson here: Being mean would NOT be tolerated in my family. Also, mom could get REALLY mad. Incidentally, Jennifer Bloomquist later became one of my best friends and remained so until we graduated from highschool. Additional insight: I was not cut out for cheerleading.
10.) I will wrap up this first decade of my life with my 10th birthday. I specifically remember walking over to ask if the neighbor kids could come out to play around my birthday and informing them that I was turning 10, which meant I was officially in "double-digits". A child's enthusiasm is priceless. Lesson: I hope I can face the next decade with as much excitement and anticipation as I did the big 1-0.
Stay tuned for the Reflections on Three Decades, Part II.
As many of you know, and some of you may not know, I am turning 30 on Thursday. Initially, I didn't view this as any big deal. However, many folks have asked me "How do you feel about turning 30?", and the more people ask me this question, the more I think maybe I'm under-estimating a landmark turning point in my life. Therefore, in an attempt to do some reflection, I have decided to begin a three-part series on lessons I've learned and things I've accomplished in my 30 years on this earth. This may not be exciting for you, but for me, it's a chance to be introspective, so look out.
Part I: 1977-1987 (or, ages 1-10)
1.) On February 22, 1977 in the late afternoon, I, Lindsey Louise McKinney, was born in Iowa City, Iowa. Now, don't get me wrong, my mother gets WAY more credit than I do for this particular accomplishment, but all the same, I figure I should begin here. According to mom, I arrived into the world purple with red hair. Mom swore that I looked as though I wasn't done "cooking" yet, and confessed to wondering if I needed to be put back in to bake a bit longer. Interesting note: I arrived precisely on my due date, which I believe demonstrates that I was born with Type A tendencies. Also interesting: I don't think I've ever been on time anywhere since then. :)
2.) Fall, 1978: I fall down the stairs of Alma Swensson Hall in Lindsborg, Kansas, and break my femur at 18 months of age. As a result, I end up in traction in the hospital for several weeks. I don't remember this, but as I look at pictures of me hanging basically upside-down, I see that many people have brought me stuffed animals and toys to play with, so I know that I was loved by many from an early age. Several family friends and relatives take shifts at the hospital to try to give Mom and Dad a break. If anyone in a white uniform came into the room, I would start blowing them kisses and saying "bye-bye" because any procedure was so painful for me. Accomplishment: I subsequently learned how to walk in a body cast. :)
3.) June 5, 1979: At two years of age, I become a big sister. Sarah Adair McKinney arrives on the scene. Sarah is the yin to my yang. We spent most of our younger years arguing and I considered it my personal mission to keep my parents informed of all of her inappropriate activities. She was the outdoorsy tomboy, I was the indoor powder puff. I wouldn't realize what a landmark moment this was until about 20 years later, when I learned what a great friend and source of comfort my sister could be.
4.) Around age five, I start kindergarten at Riverside Elementary, in Mrs. Finney's class. My first day of school, I was such a nervous wreck that I wet my pants. I arrived back home sobbing with soggy underwear. Enter one of the first memories of my Mom--she stripped my wet clothes off of me (I still remember the strawberry-decorated jumper I was wearing) and just held me on her lap in a rocking chair for a very long time. I remember feeling very safe in her arms. No words, just comfort. A great lesson in parenting for me at such an early age.
5.) December 29, 1981: I become a big sister for the second time. Jordan Craig McKinney enters the world. Jordan had everyone wrapped around his little finger from the very beginning. It was difficult to resist this little guy with red hair and a face full of freckles. He has since become one of my greatest sources of joy in this world because his ability to make me laugh is almost incomparable. Jordan's perspective on life, is, well, very Jordan-esque. Lesson: Getting to be a big sister is LOTS of fun. I now officially have TWO people to boss around. Bonus: One is a boy, which means Sarah and I automatically have someone to play the Daddy when we're playing house or to play Ken when the Barbies come out. In order to save my brother utter humiliation, I will admit that his willingness to do this was extremely short-lived.
6.) Around about this time, we moved to 213 North First in Lindsborg, Kansas, the big white Victorian house that I would grow up in. I still remember Mom and Dad turning us loose to pick out our own rooms. I picked out the bedroom at the front of the house, just off the balcony. It was my VERY OWN space, and I promptly decorated it with every pink colored item one could find. Lesson: Just because two things are the same color (pink), does not mean that they should go together. Dusty rose DOES NOT match baby-pink.
7.) I began first grade at age 6, in Mrs. Temple's class at Soderstrom Elementary. Accomplishment: I didn't pee my pants on the first day of school. Also noteworthy here is that I became Brandon Carlson's "girlfriend". We sat at the same table in school together and would often compete to get assignments finished first (I should have learned then that I would rarely finish first when competing with him in academics). In the heat of our competition, he apparently saw something he liked and asked me if I liked him more than J.D. Weis, another boy in our class who was apparently vying for my attention (it was literally a "check yes or no" note on the back of an empty box of Valentine's chocolates). Whether it was to defeat J.D. or because he really liked me, it was the beginning of something very special. I checked "yes" on the Valentine's box.
8.) This same year, I had my first interaction with my future father-in-law. Aaron came to our class to help us with math, and he sat at our table and spoke with me. He tells me I was very quiet. I don't remember this moment, but I hope that I made a good impression, because I math has never been my strong suite, and I sure wouldn't want to have looked dumb in front of the father of my future husband. :)
9.) In this first decade of life, I also earned my first trip to the Principal's office. Jennifer Bloomquist had gone home crying one day because Leah and Martha Woodard and I had denied her membership in our most-esteemed Cheerleading Club (I believe our reasoning was something to the effect of her not having the right color hair). Jennifer's mom called the school about our exclusion, and I landed myself in the Principal's office for a stern warning about being mean to other children. I would have faced the Principal 100 times if it meant I could avoid hearing from my mom on this issue, but no luck. My mom chewed me out royally. Lesson here: Being mean would NOT be tolerated in my family. Also, mom could get REALLY mad. Incidentally, Jennifer Bloomquist later became one of my best friends and remained so until we graduated from highschool. Additional insight: I was not cut out for cheerleading.
10.) I will wrap up this first decade of my life with my 10th birthday. I specifically remember walking over to ask if the neighbor kids could come out to play around my birthday and informing them that I was turning 10, which meant I was officially in "double-digits". A child's enthusiasm is priceless. Lesson: I hope I can face the next decade with as much excitement and anticipation as I did the big 1-0.
Stay tuned for the Reflections on Three Decades, Part II.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Thank Goodness for Grandparents!!
BRRR!! It is cold here in Kansas City. We are ready for spring!!
I am dedicating this post to our children's amazing Grandparents. They are always such a blessing to us, and this week has been no exception. Last Friday, we packed up the kids and took them for a special overnight stay in Baldwin City with Grandpa and Grandma Lori McKinney. The kids had a great time playing guitar and violin, watching movies, and playing with Oscar (a golden retriever). Here are some pics from the "McKinney Hilton" as my Dad likes to call it. :) Brandon and I enjoyed very exciting things like getting take-out for dinner (with a buy one-get one free coupon, no less!) and watching TV for 4 straight hours without having to feel guilty about our children watching too much television or constant interruptions for juice runs, potty runs, changing into jammies, and the bedtime ritual. It was HEAVEN.
Brandon then left on a business trip Sunday evening. He attended an IBM conference down in Lousiana. This usually happens in late January or early February, inevitably right in the middle of my busiest time at work. Enter the Grandparents again to come and save the day! Grandma Carlson flew in from Colorado Sunday night and stayed through Tuesday to help watch the kids while I worked and ran around like a complete nutball (Grandpa Carlson was in between trips for work and needed some time at home to rest and get geared up for the next go-around). It was such a blessing to know that someone was paying attention to my children while I was gone and it made it much easier to work knowing that actually, they were probably having more fun with Grandma than they ever do with me around. :) We enjoyed lunch out a McDonald's together, and even got a home-cooked meal--one of Rachel's recipes. Since my Mom and Grandma are gone, it isn't often that I come home to a meal that I didn't have to prepare. There's something about food prepared with a mother's hands, and it was wonderful.
My greatest sadness about my children is that they won't have the opportunity to know my mother during their time on this earth. I know that she, too, would have loved to be a part of their lives and would have derived great joy from watching them grow. I know that she is looking down on both of them from above, and someday, they will learn all about Grandma Beth and the amazing woman that she was.
Today is the last day of my Assessment course. We wouldn't have made it through all this without wonderful friends and family to support us. I am so thankful that our children have Grandparents that love them and desire to interact with them on a regular basis. Connor and Kylee certainly think the world of all of them, and so do their Mommy and Daddy!
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