I always enjoy looking over the projects that the kids work on during the Sunday School hour in Church. Today, Connor's task was to make two lists on a piece of paper. One was "Things I Know About God" and the other was "Things God Has Done for Me".
The first thing on Connor's "Things God Has Done for Me" is: "Sent my brother to heaven."
I am inspired by this on many levels. The first thing that touches me about this sentence is that God is again providing comfort with the knowledge that the spirit of our baby boy is still very much alive and well in the hearts of our family, and especially in the hearts of his siblings. The second, and perhaps more profound lesson that Connor's work reveals to me is that his statement about Caden going to heaven was categorized as something that God did for Connor....as if it was a blessing. A favor. A gift.
Whoa.
I learn so much from our children. Losing Caden isn't something God did TO us. My oldest son has taught me that the Lord bringing Caden to heaven, to sit at the foot of His throne, to be surrounded by the splendor of His Kingdom...is something God did FOR us. A piece of our family...one that we miss daily....has been called to his eternal dwelling long before the rest of us. And while our hearts are filled with extreme sadness and longing....and while our earthly family feels incomplete because Caden isn't here....we have been given a gift.
What a perspective. I am so, so grateful for the ways in which God speaks to us through our beautiful children....whether they are here....or in heaven.
I don't know that I'm entirely there yet like Connor is, but am thankful that God is patient with me.
Thank you, Lord, that there is no greater blessing than being in Your presence.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Choices
The weeks leading up to Easter were difficult ones for us. This blog has been a place for me to share my thoughts and feelings....so once again, grab a cup of coffee and settle in with me.
For the last several years, I have worked as an online instructor for a program that assists Nursing students all over the world in their preparation for NCLEX (the licensing exam Nurses are required to take). I was honored to be asked to take on more and more responsibility within the program as the years went by. For the last two years, I took on many administrative duties for the program, in addition to assisting with product development and managing a full load of students year round. The position allowed me to work from home while earning a good income. What a blessing! I was learning so much as part of the corporate world....and realized this was not the world for me. I came face to face with the classic "time or money" dilemma. I was not willing to drink the proverbial "Kool-Aid" and found that what motivates most folks in Corporate America wasn't what motivated me.
As many of you know, teaching future nurses in the classroom and online has been a passion of mine for the last 10 years. I have been blessed to have opportunities to keep my foot in the door professionally, while still being present at home. When this opportunity came available, I jumped at it. And, because I'm me, I didn't do the job halfway. I spent hours and hours on the computer, doing the very best I could to keep up with demands. Answering e-mails at all hours of the day and night, assisting co-workers and students, and dealing with a boss who has a personality very different than my own. And then, when I wasn't on the computer, I was being wife, Mommy, taxi service, calendar coordinator, budget balancer.....and losing myself.
For weeks, I felt a sense of unrest in my soul. I had this sense that the way I was spending my time was not congruent with what I valued most in my life. And while it was nice to be making good money and feeling important, my heart was hurting. I struggled for a long time with what to do with that feeling of unrest. Some days, I felt that I needed to just set new boundaries and continue on...but repeated efforts to re-structure and walk away from work failed. I realized that I wasn't the type of person who could just walk away and let go. I continued to be physically present, but rarely emotionally present as work weighed heavily on my heart and mind. This was a problem. The Holy Spirit was guiding me, encouraging me to remember that the cares of this world are not the cares of our Lord. And that living a life that honors Him isn't attached to a title or a salary. He was whispering to me. I felt the tugs.
My friends and family were an incredible support to me. Hours on the phone and many discussions in person allowed me to process these thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Those who knew me best encouraged me to walk away. Most importantly, my husband looked at me and said "It's time to let it go." Over the years, I had invested so much of myself in this job that I almost wondered who I'd be without it consuming so much of my life. I was scared on so many levels...What would happen to our income? Would my boss be upset with me? Was I stranding my co-workers? Would the kids be upset that we couldn't eat out as much? Emotionally, I knew that having my whole and present would outweigh any complications that arose, but it was scary. When you are so deeply entrenched in one world, it is hard to walk out.
Things came to a head in mid-March when I had a phone conversation with my boss. In this conversation, it became apparent to me that where I was at in my life was not congruent with where I needed to be to continue to be successful with this company in a full time role. I was heartbroken and an anxious mess, but I also knew this was an interaction God was using to show me that it was time to make the break. Shortly after this conversation, I officially requested to reduce my workload and be moved to part-time status within the program. I waited for a week to hear back from my boss. I was a wreck. Anxiety was at an all time high as I feared what was coming...and braced myself for the worst.
The answer came on a Friday. My boss called me and in a tone as cool as ice, said that the powers that be would grant my request and that I could transition into a part-time (aka second class citizen) role. This would mean an uncertain salary (contract work) and no benefits, but would also mean freedom from administrative tasks and product development work. I was getting my life back.
I started my new role on April 8th, and it did not escape my notice that this transition came about right after Easter. I feel so blessed to have experienced my own renewal when we celebrated Christ's victory over the grave. While some things are uncertain, in this time of transition, God has faithfully reminded me that He is the provider. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, beautiful children, and caring and supportive family and friends. We are healthy and covered by His grace and mercy.
The last week has been incredible. I have been able to be more fully present in all what I do and have been able to let go of so much of the anxiety and stress that has plagued me for the last several months. I am still able to work with students in an online environment, and have enough space to realize how much I love doing it. In just a few weeks, I will teach a Health Assessment course to a new group of Nursing students in person at William Jewell....does it get any better? Most importantly, I am enjoying the sunshine with Hadley and able to be attentive to Connor and Kylee when they get home and want to share about their day. I am watching TV with my husband at night and am doing it guilt-free. I am singing worship songs in Church, feeling peace in my soul, knowing that we are not promised an easy road, but we are assured that Christ walks with us, and at times carries us, as we move along our journey.
I share all this because at some point, we all have hard choices to make. I think it is rare to find that the right thing to do comes about easily. For some people, the corporate world is exactly the right place. For me, it wasn't. And that is okay. The pressures of this world and our desires to live up to our full potential in a worldly sense can sometimes create so much noise that it is difficult to center ourselves and remember that we are incredible simply because God created us. In the days and weeks to come, I hope to meditate on this truth and embrace it.
I hope the same for you.
For the last several years, I have worked as an online instructor for a program that assists Nursing students all over the world in their preparation for NCLEX (the licensing exam Nurses are required to take). I was honored to be asked to take on more and more responsibility within the program as the years went by. For the last two years, I took on many administrative duties for the program, in addition to assisting with product development and managing a full load of students year round. The position allowed me to work from home while earning a good income. What a blessing! I was learning so much as part of the corporate world....and realized this was not the world for me. I came face to face with the classic "time or money" dilemma. I was not willing to drink the proverbial "Kool-Aid" and found that what motivates most folks in Corporate America wasn't what motivated me.
As many of you know, teaching future nurses in the classroom and online has been a passion of mine for the last 10 years. I have been blessed to have opportunities to keep my foot in the door professionally, while still being present at home. When this opportunity came available, I jumped at it. And, because I'm me, I didn't do the job halfway. I spent hours and hours on the computer, doing the very best I could to keep up with demands. Answering e-mails at all hours of the day and night, assisting co-workers and students, and dealing with a boss who has a personality very different than my own. And then, when I wasn't on the computer, I was being wife, Mommy, taxi service, calendar coordinator, budget balancer.....and losing myself.
For weeks, I felt a sense of unrest in my soul. I had this sense that the way I was spending my time was not congruent with what I valued most in my life. And while it was nice to be making good money and feeling important, my heart was hurting. I struggled for a long time with what to do with that feeling of unrest. Some days, I felt that I needed to just set new boundaries and continue on...but repeated efforts to re-structure and walk away from work failed. I realized that I wasn't the type of person who could just walk away and let go. I continued to be physically present, but rarely emotionally present as work weighed heavily on my heart and mind. This was a problem. The Holy Spirit was guiding me, encouraging me to remember that the cares of this world are not the cares of our Lord. And that living a life that honors Him isn't attached to a title or a salary. He was whispering to me. I felt the tugs.
My friends and family were an incredible support to me. Hours on the phone and many discussions in person allowed me to process these thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Those who knew me best encouraged me to walk away. Most importantly, my husband looked at me and said "It's time to let it go." Over the years, I had invested so much of myself in this job that I almost wondered who I'd be without it consuming so much of my life. I was scared on so many levels...What would happen to our income? Would my boss be upset with me? Was I stranding my co-workers? Would the kids be upset that we couldn't eat out as much? Emotionally, I knew that having my whole and present would outweigh any complications that arose, but it was scary. When you are so deeply entrenched in one world, it is hard to walk out.
Things came to a head in mid-March when I had a phone conversation with my boss. In this conversation, it became apparent to me that where I was at in my life was not congruent with where I needed to be to continue to be successful with this company in a full time role. I was heartbroken and an anxious mess, but I also knew this was an interaction God was using to show me that it was time to make the break. Shortly after this conversation, I officially requested to reduce my workload and be moved to part-time status within the program. I waited for a week to hear back from my boss. I was a wreck. Anxiety was at an all time high as I feared what was coming...and braced myself for the worst.
The answer came on a Friday. My boss called me and in a tone as cool as ice, said that the powers that be would grant my request and that I could transition into a part-time (aka second class citizen) role. This would mean an uncertain salary (contract work) and no benefits, but would also mean freedom from administrative tasks and product development work. I was getting my life back.
I started my new role on April 8th, and it did not escape my notice that this transition came about right after Easter. I feel so blessed to have experienced my own renewal when we celebrated Christ's victory over the grave. While some things are uncertain, in this time of transition, God has faithfully reminded me that He is the provider. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, beautiful children, and caring and supportive family and friends. We are healthy and covered by His grace and mercy.
The last week has been incredible. I have been able to be more fully present in all what I do and have been able to let go of so much of the anxiety and stress that has plagued me for the last several months. I am still able to work with students in an online environment, and have enough space to realize how much I love doing it. In just a few weeks, I will teach a Health Assessment course to a new group of Nursing students in person at William Jewell....does it get any better? Most importantly, I am enjoying the sunshine with Hadley and able to be attentive to Connor and Kylee when they get home and want to share about their day. I am watching TV with my husband at night and am doing it guilt-free. I am singing worship songs in Church, feeling peace in my soul, knowing that we are not promised an easy road, but we are assured that Christ walks with us, and at times carries us, as we move along our journey.
I share all this because at some point, we all have hard choices to make. I think it is rare to find that the right thing to do comes about easily. For some people, the corporate world is exactly the right place. For me, it wasn't. And that is okay. The pressures of this world and our desires to live up to our full potential in a worldly sense can sometimes create so much noise that it is difficult to center ourselves and remember that we are incredible simply because God created us. In the days and weeks to come, I hope to meditate on this truth and embrace it.
I hope the same for you.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Chicago
Some of our readers (who shall remain nameless, Aunt Mandy), have informed us that there has been a bit of a lapse in our updates. Frankly, we're honored that anyone noticed. So, in appreciation of your diligence in reading, Mandy, this post is for you. :)
We took the kids to Chicago for a few days over spring break and had an awesome time. We were looking for someplace within driving distance that would offer fun things to do and see for both kids and adults. Brandon and I have visited Chicago on two other occasions and love the city's feel. We like that it offers the big city sites with a Midwest heart.
We planned our trip around sites including the Museum of Science and Industry, the Magnificent Mile, and Shedd Aquarium. Other highlights of our trip included staying at the Embassy Suites, where breakfast was made to order hot every morning and there was a nice manager's reception (this means free drinks for the adults and snacks for the kids) every evening.
We drove to Chicago due to the expensive nature of plane tickets (gulp). Even with gas prices being what they are, it saved us (literally) thousands to drive. Let me tell you folks, there is NOTHING between Kansas City and Chicago. Making this trek with a potty-training toddler was a bit of a headache (there was one time we had to drive 6 miles off interstate just to find a bathroom). The kids were troopers, though, despite a malfunctioning DVD player and a lack of scenery. Brandon and I are still in amazement that families ever took roadtrips prior to the technology that now occupies our young ones during these long journeys. Hats off to our parents.
We arrived in Chicago late in the evening and the next day, decided to venture down to the Magnificent Mile, which was within walking distance from our hotel. The kids quickly learned that in a big city, Mom and Dad don't have patience for dawdling, mostly because of their concern that a small child might actually get run over by an impatient motorist. After a stern "You have to stay with us because these people will run right over you" warning (always a nice introduction to the city), we managed to hold it together in the busy Chicago streets.
Our first stop was the much-anticipated American Girl doll store. For those of you who haven't been indoctrinated, the flagship store for this dynasty is located in Chicago. We ate lunch in the American Girl Cafe, where the girls' dolls joined us at the table in their own special seats (and with their own special dishes).
Kylee chose to bring her doll Kirsten along, who was actually my American Girl doll, given to me by my Grandma when I was about Kylee's age. It was special. I have dreamed for many years (Brandon mentioned that I was talking about it even before we had kids) of taking my daughters to this place. I felt so blessed to share in the experience with them.
The boys were very tolerant during the pink-infused luncheon. What good sports they are.
We then got to browse around the massive store. The girls each picked out something special to bring home and enjoyed the displays in the store.
Conveniently located right next to the American Girl doll store is a Lego store (marketing genius, I tell you!). We were thankful that the two were in such close proximity to each other. Connor had a great time creating Mini-Figures and admiring the Lego creations in the store.
No trip to Chicago is complete without a stop at Garrett's Popcorn, which makes the BEST caramel and cheesecorn you've ever tasted in your life. The smell wafts out the doors and there is often a line in the street as people wait to purchase some of this goodness.
The next day, we headed to the Museum of Science and Industry, where we enjoyed a special MythBusters exhibition and lots of neat hands-on activities.
One of the highlights of the museum was a chick hatchery. We didn't get to watch any eggs actually hatch, but the kids thought the baby chicks were so much fun! If they tapped on the glass, the chicks would all come waddle over, which they thought was pretty cool.
Our last day was spent at Shedd Aquarium, where we saw so many different kinds of fish and learned a lot about habitats.
They had a great Jellyfish exhibit:
The kids got to touch live starfish:
We also got to see a 4D movie. Here's the crew all decked out:
We ended the day at the dolphin show:
We also went and explored Navy Pier one evening. With it being slightly ahead of tourist season, many of the attractions on the Pier were closed, but the walk did afford us some incredible views of the skyline:
We felt so blessed to be able to enjoy this time together as a family.
We took the kids to Chicago for a few days over spring break and had an awesome time. We were looking for someplace within driving distance that would offer fun things to do and see for both kids and adults. Brandon and I have visited Chicago on two other occasions and love the city's feel. We like that it offers the big city sites with a Midwest heart.
We planned our trip around sites including the Museum of Science and Industry, the Magnificent Mile, and Shedd Aquarium. Other highlights of our trip included staying at the Embassy Suites, where breakfast was made to order hot every morning and there was a nice manager's reception (this means free drinks for the adults and snacks for the kids) every evening.
We drove to Chicago due to the expensive nature of plane tickets (gulp). Even with gas prices being what they are, it saved us (literally) thousands to drive. Let me tell you folks, there is NOTHING between Kansas City and Chicago. Making this trek with a potty-training toddler was a bit of a headache (there was one time we had to drive 6 miles off interstate just to find a bathroom). The kids were troopers, though, despite a malfunctioning DVD player and a lack of scenery. Brandon and I are still in amazement that families ever took roadtrips prior to the technology that now occupies our young ones during these long journeys. Hats off to our parents.
We arrived in Chicago late in the evening and the next day, decided to venture down to the Magnificent Mile, which was within walking distance from our hotel. The kids quickly learned that in a big city, Mom and Dad don't have patience for dawdling, mostly because of their concern that a small child might actually get run over by an impatient motorist. After a stern "You have to stay with us because these people will run right over you" warning (always a nice introduction to the city), we managed to hold it together in the busy Chicago streets.
Our first stop was the much-anticipated American Girl doll store. For those of you who haven't been indoctrinated, the flagship store for this dynasty is located in Chicago. We ate lunch in the American Girl Cafe, where the girls' dolls joined us at the table in their own special seats (and with their own special dishes).
Kylee chose to bring her doll Kirsten along, who was actually my American Girl doll, given to me by my Grandma when I was about Kylee's age. It was special. I have dreamed for many years (Brandon mentioned that I was talking about it even before we had kids) of taking my daughters to this place. I felt so blessed to share in the experience with them.
The boys were very tolerant during the pink-infused luncheon. What good sports they are.
We then got to browse around the massive store. The girls each picked out something special to bring home and enjoyed the displays in the store.
Conveniently located right next to the American Girl doll store is a Lego store (marketing genius, I tell you!). We were thankful that the two were in such close proximity to each other. Connor had a great time creating Mini-Figures and admiring the Lego creations in the store.
No trip to Chicago is complete without a stop at Garrett's Popcorn, which makes the BEST caramel and cheesecorn you've ever tasted in your life. The smell wafts out the doors and there is often a line in the street as people wait to purchase some of this goodness.
The next day, we headed to the Museum of Science and Industry, where we enjoyed a special MythBusters exhibition and lots of neat hands-on activities.
One of the highlights of the museum was a chick hatchery. We didn't get to watch any eggs actually hatch, but the kids thought the baby chicks were so much fun! If they tapped on the glass, the chicks would all come waddle over, which they thought was pretty cool.
Our last day was spent at Shedd Aquarium, where we saw so many different kinds of fish and learned a lot about habitats.
They had a great Jellyfish exhibit:
The kids got to touch live starfish:
We also got to see a 4D movie. Here's the crew all decked out:
We ended the day at the dolphin show:
We also went and explored Navy Pier one evening. With it being slightly ahead of tourist season, many of the attractions on the Pier were closed, but the walk did afford us some incredible views of the skyline:
We felt so blessed to be able to enjoy this time together as a family.
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