I Hope That's Not Toxic....

So, the title of this blog comes about because this phrase is in my thoughts MULTIPLE times a day as I am at home with our now almost 15 month old, Hadley.

I had forgotten how, when you have a baby this age (and yes, folks, she IS still a baby), you have to calculate the satisfaction of actually completing some sort of task (folding laundry, loading the dishwasher, checking e-mail, taking a shower) versus the destruction that you will be responsible for picking up as the little one in your life entertains herself while you are completing the aforementioned task.

Hadley learns more about her world by tasting it.  Most everything she touches goes directly into her mouth...not to be swallowed, but to be licked as she tastes it and tries to decide if it's actually worth eating.  The good news: I don't worry much about her choking.  The bad news: As she investigates the world around her, I fear that she will ingest something that she shouldn't.

Take this morning, for example...as I was in the shower, Hadley sorted through our bathroom cabinets.  She has a special affinity for Brandon's cologne bottle.  At one point, I gazed out through the shower door to see her sucking on the cologne spray nozzle.  She then moved on to my hairspray bottle.  I caught her before she could remove the top off of that.  While I was getting dressed after my shower, she dumped an entire bin of my toiletries on the floor, whined because she wanted some lotion...so we applied some lotion together, I quickly picked up the toiletries, and we were off and running.  As we were going downstairs, I noted that she had hauled out a few of her favorite playthings from Kylee's room...so I picked those up and then saw that she had also spread her board books from her own room here, there, and everywhere...so those got picked up, too.  All the price for taking a shower.

In the meantime, Hadley had made it downstairs.  She dumped out a baggie of Play-Dough supplies, got into the tupperware cabinet...I caught her just before she dove into the cabinet with the cleaning supplies in it.  It is not uncommon for me, at some point in our daily routine, to catch her licking a dog toy.  It's life as we know it.

I realized, as I was handing our daughter a Twix candy bar from the Halloween bowl at 10:00 am just to busy her long enough for me to check my e-mail, that I feel like a member of a movie crew....the one who is responsible for resetting the stage 200 times a day so that the shoot can continue on.  Then, I also envisioned myself receiving the "mother of the year" award for feeding my little one chocolate before noon. 

I had forgotten that in this stage of childhood, it truly is a MAJOR accomplishment to keep a child safe and focused on the non-toxic items in the house.  Is it a good thing that I determine how I do things using the question "Is what she's licking going to hurt her, or if it's not toxic and I let her keep licking it, will it occupy her for long enough that I can fold this load of laundry?"

Happy Birthday, Kylee J!

On September 9th, we celebrated our oldest daughter's 6th birthday.  Kylee was blessed to have multiple celebrations with friends and family.  She ate it up!  Just like with most everything else she does, Kylee embraced her birthday with gusto, enjoying every moment of being surrounded by those she loves.

Grandma Carlson came for an early birthday celebration and brought with her birthday treasures from she and Grandpa Carlson.  Grandpa and Grandma gave Kylee a fuzzy robe with her name on it and a very cool magic set, which both she and Connor have enjoyed performing "tricks". Grandma also treated us to a special birthday dinner at Red Robin.  Kylee was very adamant that she did NOT want anyone to sing Happy Birthday to her under ANY circumstance.  We forgot to pass this memo along to the waitstaff at Red Robin, who not only sang to her, but rigged up a special balloon headpiece for Kylee that they had her wear while they sang.  We all watched, waiting for the meltdown, but Kylee persevered.  Maybe the prospect of the hot fudge Sunday with lots of whipped cream was worth the humiliation.

Part of our family birthday ritual is allowing the birthday kid (or adult) to pick wherever they would like to eat on their birthday.  Kylee chose blueberry muffins for her birthday breakfast and Taco Bell for her birthday dinner.  As a part of this celebration, Kylee opened a Nintendo DS and a couple games from Daddy, Mommy, Connor, and Hadley. 

 Kylee also got to celebrate with other family and friends.  Grandpa and Grandma Lori, Aunt Sarah, and Great Grandpa and Granny McKinney came for a party.  Great Grandpa and Granny were here all the way from California!  Aunt Sarah gave Kylee a ladybug pillow pet, which was number one on Kylee's birthday list.  We must confess that we do not miss her frequent pre-birthday reminders about the pillow pet being the ultimate gift: "Mom and Dad, you know I REALLY want a ladybug pillow pet, right?"  Thanks, Aunt Sarah!

Along with our biological family, we also got to celebrate with the group of kids that our kids have grown up playing with.  Hailey, Claire, Spencer, Georgia, and Lizzy, along with their parents, have been adopted into our family circle.  It isn't a birthday without them and we are so grateful that they have been on hand to celebrate ALL our kids' milestones throughout the years.

We ended the birthday madness with a trip to Build-A-Bear workshop, where Kylee celebrated with her friends from preschool.  All the girls got to pick out a stuffed animal and go through the process of stuffing and accessorizing their new friend.  We ended with birthday cake and some playtime at Zona Rosa.  It was a blast!

The girls with their special creations

The "silly pose" in the play area.

Make a Wish!

It was so much fun to celebrate with Kylee.  She brings so much color to our world each and every day.  Her passion for life, friends, and laughter is a true inspiration to us.  The way that she views the world is unique and insightful and the unabashed joy that she does everything with is such a blessing.  Her persistence, intelligence, and zest for life is something that we are so grateful for.  We love you, Miss J!

First Day of School

I am running a bit behind with the blogging lately...one might think that with the two older kids back in school I would have more time to do these sorts of things...but at the same time the older two went back to school, our littlest one started walking (as you may have seen in our earlier post), and therefore, time to sit at the computer and blog has all but disappeared in an effort to keep Hadley from ingesting things like dishwasher soap packets (a treasure she discovered last week under the kitchen sink).

It is hard to believe that the first day of school was almost a month ago.  Connor and Kylee have both had a great start to their school year.  Both were excited about who they got for their teacher (Connor got Ms. Groff and Kylee has Ms. McPherson).  There are familiar faces in both of their classes, which helped ease the transition.  Both kids were ready to start back to school after a summer filled with adventure.

Here are both the kids in the beloved "first day of school pictures on the porch" poses.  Connor wasn't interested in a new outfit for school ("I don't really care, Mom"), and Kylee chose a cute little outfit from the Gymboree outlet.  However, the main event of this ensemble are her shoes.  After months of watching commercials, we purchased a pair of Sketchers Twinkle Toes shoes.  These are the holy grail of tennis shoes if you are a girl between the ages of 5 and 10.

From the porch, our first day of school ritual has come to include frantically jumping into the van (we never leave quite when we plan to) and racing to Alexander Doniphan.  Connor didn't need us to to walk him into his classroom (that would have been totally uncool), so we snagged a picture of him outside his classroom with his teacher, Ms. Groff (We have now entered the realm of our child's teacher being younger than we are.  Now I know how parents of my college students at William Jewell feel when they see how young I am!).  We walked Kylee into her classroom and watched her put her things in her cubby.  She was a pro with the routine after being in Miss Mac's class for summer school.

The walk back out to the van is always quiet.  We move through the halls of the school and Brandon watches me closely, trying to discern if it's better to offer comforting words or just leave me alone as I struggle to hold the tears back.  This year, I found that my emotions stemmed not from sadness, but from feeling so blessed to have three great kids who are healthy and eager to learn.  Getting to spend time with them over the summer allowed us to create some wonderful memories together that I will hold onto as the years fly by.  Reflecting on these memories warmed my heart as the doors to the school closed behind us.

And, of course, God gave us this little angel, too:

Brandon's going to need a wheelbarrow to haul me out when it's Hadley's turn at Alexander Doniphan...

And Now For Her Latest Trick...

And yes, everyone knows that "ball" is another word for "balloon"!

Goodbye, Summer....

We left off with a post in honor of Miss Hadley's 12 MONTH birthday celebration (Side note: I have semi-jokingly made a rule here in our house that we will be counting Hadley's age in months for as long as we are capable of doing the math....saying we have a 1 YEAR old makes it sound like our baby is growing up way too fast!). I wanted to share some pics of Hadley's special celebration, of which she actually had two. We felt so blessed by all those who joined us in wishing Hadley a very happy birthday.


I love this picture of Hadley with her cake. This expression on her face is very characteristic of her when she is evaluating a situation (as in, why in the heck are all these people singing to me?). She's serious, a bit hesitant, and happy all at the same time.


Hadley is pretty matter of fact in her approach to things. She wasn't at all hesitant to dive into eating her cake, but also didn't make a huge mess. She was somewhat methodical in tearing it apart. Too cute!

Opening presents with Daddy. I imagine in this picture she's thinking something like "Can I eat that paper?"

Hadley's birthday gift from us is a telling commentary on being the third baby in the house. There isn't a blessed thing that this child needs...almost all of what she has are hand-me-downs and suit her basic needs just fine. So, when we looked at what we should give her for her birthday, the few ideas we had were impractical. Thus, the pink wingback chair from Target. I felt guilty about this purchase until we saw how much she LOVED it. It's ridiculous...and totally adorable.

The big kids love the chair, too. :) Connor and Kylee were so excited to help their sister celebrate.

Shortly after Hadley's birthday celebrations, we took off for a two night stay at the Great Wolf Lodge. This was our second journey to the lodge, and the kids enjoyed it a lot more this time around (with our kids the second time generally goes much smoother than the first). It was part of our effort to soak up what was left summer.

Connor and Kylee had bunk beds in the "Wolf Den". They thought it was pretty cool.


Kylee and Connor both tried going down slides by themselves for the first time and they had a BLAST. It was great to watch them!

Hadley soaking up the sun.


A few days before school started, we took the kids to Kaleidoscope down at Crown Center, where they got to complete various art projects. The art sessions are sponsored by Hallmark and are FREE!



It has been a great summer, and although we are sorry to see it go, it feels good to anticipate a new school year. With both the older two at Doniphan, Hadley and I will be holding down the fort here at home. My, how the years fly by!

Haddie Lou, How We Love You!

One year ago today, at this precise moment, the contractions were kicking in.

We had an early start to our morning, getting up around 5:30 am to get everyone up and loaded into the Durango for the trip to St. Luke's South for our 7:00 am induction. As is typical at our house, Brandon got up and showered first, then came to rouse me. I had slept remarkably well considering what the day would bring. I showered and did my hair (the logic of that escapes me...it's like styling your hair prior to going out to run a marathon), and Brandon woke Connor and Kylee up. We greeted them with "today's the day we get to meet Hadley!". The energy in our home was full of anticipation and excitement.

We loaded up the car and headed to Panera to grab a quick breakfast. As we drove down I-435, I tried to be especially conscious of Hadley inside me. I wanted to be aware because the last few moments of your life you spend pregnant should be carefully observed, I felt.

We pulled into the St. Luke's parking lot right at 7:00 am. It was great to be back there. We have celebrated all of the births in our family at that hospital...the place holds incredible memories for us. We stopped to take a picture in front of the birthing center entrance. I was careful to take it all in...after our last experience with childbirth, we wanted to soak up each and every moment of this one in an especially conscious way. Also adding to the significance of the day was the fact that it was my Grandpa Haneke's birthday, too. We were going to get to honor him by having a baby that would share his birthday.

We rode up to Labor and Delivery in the elevator. "We're here for an induction!" we told the secretary. We signed in and were escorted back to our room. We had a HUGE room. The view out our window overlooked the Overland Park landscape...we could see Target! :) The sun was peeking through the clouds...it was going to be a typical July day.

I changed into my gown and we got Connor and Kylee dressed. They were excited to be with us...and asked repeatedly when they would get to meet Hadley. It was so much fun.

Shortly after 7:30, my nurse, Jessica, came in to meet us. She started my IV, drew my blood, and got me all hooked up to the monitor. We listened to Hadley's heartbeat...a sound that never got old. I was so thankful that this time, there would be no question as to whether or not we wanted our baby monitored throughout the labor process.

At 8:00, our beloved nurse midwife, Jeane, came to see us. My sister Sarah came and picked the kids up. Jeane broke my water (which I feel like is equivalent to firing a pistol at the start of a race...an "and we're off!" sort of thing) and checked me. I was dilated to a "1". The Pitocin was started.

By about 10:30, contractions were coming regularly. I have a bad habit of waiting too long for my epidural, making the whole process much more miserable than it needs to be. This time, both Brandon and Jeane were insistent that I get my epidural sooner rather than later (they could insist since they were the ones that had to bear the brunt of me in previous labors when I got the epidural while experiencing painful contractions, feeling like I wanted to barf in later stages of the labor process). I thought I could wait a little while longer, but conceded. It was a smart move. Epidurals help my body relax and do its job better.

Around 10:45, the epidural process started. It was a nightmare. I had a death grip on Brandon the whole time, with sweat pouring down my face and tears following the drops of sweat very closely. THAT was the worse pain I felt in labor...like lightening bolts travelling throughout my body as they attempted to place the catheter in my back. It is amazing my husband has any chest hair left.

After the second attempt, Jeane asked the supervising physician to give it a try (in a very kind, but no-nonsense sort of way). The epidural was in before I knew it. Ah, sweet relief. Jeane checked me and I was about a "4".

Jeane went and grabbed she and Brandon some lunch (along with being the best midwife ever, she is also a close friend). They ate lunch and we watched old episodes of Family Ties. I dozed in and out of slumber, blissfully ignorant of the contractions that I was having. Jeane sat right beside me, watching the monitor closely. She had scheduled our induction on her day off so she could devote herself fully to us. She knew that emotions would be running high and wanted to do everything she could to make it a beautiful and positive birth experience....and for me, a large part of that was having her right there. We are so grateful for her dedication and service to us.

Around 2:30 pm, Jeane's eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the monitor. She looked at me and said "Are you feeling any pressure?" "I think so," I replied.

She checked me and said "That's because you're ready to have a baby! She's right here!"

Brandon called our family.

Jeane had recently joined a new practice and had to have her deliveries supervised by a physician as a part of her orientation. The physician was paged and we waited for her arrival. At a couple points during the wait, Jeane noticed Hadley's heart rate dropping a bit. She said "We're not waiting....it's time to have this baby". Thankfully, the Doctor arrived right then. Brandon gave me a kiss and then moved closer to the end of the bed. He was going to help Jeane deliver Hadley.

I pushed. In between contractions, and thanks to my epidural, I reflected on how grateful I was to get to relive this moment. This is the moment that I had most wanted to experience again after Caden...anticipating the birth of a healthy baby. I felt so blessed to get to be doing it. We had made it to this moment and Hadley was going to be placed in our arms soon. I wanted to freeze that moment in time, having a special awareness of what it meant and what a blessing getting to anticipate a healthy baby is, but also couldn't wait to meet our little girl.

We worked for about 15 minutes. At 3:18 pm, Brandon helped bring Hadley into the world and then cut her cord. She came out without a fight, announcing her arrival with a beautiful cry. Not a sad, baby kitten sort of cry that babies have when they still have a bit of fluid in their lungs...a robust, full, "I'm here and I'm mad!" cry. It was the greatest sound in the world.

I wept.

We examined her from head to toe. All 6 pounds, 15 ounces of her. It was such a healing, full circle moment for us. She was beautiful. The world stood still for us in that moment.

The nurses evaluated her, burritoed her, and handed her to me. I put her to my breast and she nursed well. So well, in fact, that our family had to wait several minutes to come and meet her. It seemed so natural to have her in our arms.

Connor and Kylee were introduced first, of course. It was the greatest sight ever to watch them hold her. Finally, their moment of healing had come, too. They knew that sometimes, this process ends like it's supposed to. They showered her with hugs and kisses. We noticed how much the three of them looked alike. The room exploded with joy.

Soon after that, our family joined us to meet our newest daughter. July 21, 2009 was so much different han June 30th, 2008. It was a therapeutic moment for all of us. All because of God's goodness and our little baby burrito. :)

The nursery nurse came in to bathe Hadley. I sat back and watched our family as they watched her under the warming lights. It was like the paparrazi had come to St. Luke's South. Cameras flashed, everyone ooooh'd and aahhh'd. It was incredible.

24 hours later, we brought our baby home.

The last year has been filled with undescribable joy. We have been thankful for sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and spit-up. We, along with our families, have watched Hadley grow and change and have celebrated even her smallest accomplishments. Her biggest fans have been Connor and Kylee, who gleefully announce every new development with her to anyone who will listen. She has been constantly showered with love and affection, and has a delightful, easy-going personality. Her Grandpa Carlson describes her as a "blessing baby". He is so right.

Happy Birthday, Hadley Louise. We thank you for the healing and joy we experience because you are here. God chose you especially for us and we could not be more grateful.

We Love You, Baby Girl! :)

The Big "8"

Check out our EIGHT year old!

We celebrated Connor's 8th birthday with a party at the local skating rink. Connor had a blast celebrating Mario Brothers style with his friends and family. Kylee decided that she wanted to try skating for the first time at the party, and she did a great job!

Uncle Jordan and Mandy keeping things festive:

Good times at the rink...

Connor has been wanting a big remote-controlled helicopter for a long time. Daddy found a great deal online and it was the perfect birthday gift!

It is unreal to me that 8 years ago, our son was a little 6 pound bundle in a blue blanket with blonde hair. In the same way that we crossed a new threshold when we brought him home from the hospital and began our journey as parents, I definitely have a sense that we are entering a new stage in life now...exiting little boy stage and entering young man stage. Connor's interests and how he relates to others have changed so much, yet he still remains the sweet, kind, intelligent boy that he has always been.

Connor continues to be so gifted at perceiving how others feel and has a natural inclination to reach out to those who are hurting. He is an incredible big brother, a wonderful helper, and has a heart filled with kindness. He loves to be social and enjoys spending time with his friends and family. He asks great questions and is very curious about the world around him and how things work. He loves the outdoors and adventure.

As the oldest child in our family, he is continually asked to lend a helping hand...and, generally speaking, does so totally graciously. He offers encouragement to both of his sisters on a daily basis, and has a sense of humor that brightens up our house. His kind and compassionate heart continue to inspire us to be better people.

We are so thankful that we have him in our family. At eight years old, Connor has been asked to understand more than most people have to comprehend in a lifetime, and he continues to amaze us with his attitude and abilities.

The last eight years have been a true blessing and we look forward to many, many more.

Almost Two Years...

It is incredible to me that Caden looks just like he's sleeping in this picture. This was the picture that Brandon took just seconds before we walked out of the hospital, leaving our precious angel behind in a little white basket.

It has been almost two years since we held our baby in our arms.

June is always a difficult month. The anniversary of my mother's death is on June 9th...and then we begin replaying the mess of emotions we felt in June of 2008, all culminating with Caden's Heaven Day on June 30th.

I distinctly remember coming home from the Doctor's appointment where we scheduled my induction. I thought it was a great cosmic injustice that choosing an induction date was synonymous with choosing the day we'd say goodbye to our boy.

Two years ago tonight, we were preparing to go to the hospital. Last minute arrangements were taking place...small details being tended to so that when we came home with empty arms, we'd have nothing to concentrate on but healing.

In the days before Caden was born, I remember going to the store to buy a sportsbra that I could wear to help reduce the pain from the engorgement I'd experience after Caden was born. Brandon went and bought a black shirt to wear in our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photos. Instead of picking out "I'm a Big Brother" and "I'm a Big Sister" shirts for Connor and Kylee, we packed dark shirts for them so that our pictures would look good. I would have given ANYTHING to be buying diapers, binkies, Dreft, or blankets. But no. It was all so bleak. Planning for death at the same moment we anticipated birth.

Looking back, I wish I'd spent more time just rubbing my belly. Feeling Caden move. In the moment, I was so exhausted and emotionally spent that laying awake at night was frustrating. I tried to treasure each and every flutter (his most active time was around 2:00 am), praying that everything would be okay. Begging God to let us have time with our son....the precious life I felt twisting and turning inside me....and not letting go of hope that maybe, just maybe, we could bring our baby home.

But it was not to be.

The kids have had a difficult time with missing Caden recently. Both have cried many tears in the last few weeks, missing their brother. We cry right along with them. We pray that Caden is happy up in heaven and remind each other that someday, we'll get to be with him again. It is interesting because Connor and Kylee aren't necessarily aware of the anniversary that is approaching, yet the energy in our house flows differently, and they perceive that.

The energy will flow differently with each year that passes, but I hope we will continue to reflect on Caden being a part of our family every day, and especially as June 30th approaches each year.

Our baby is forever woven into the fabric of our hearts.

Scout Mania!

The month of June has been filled with fun Scouting adventures.

Connor spent his 8th birthday at the Omaha Zoo, participating in an overnight camping trip. The Scouts got to spend the night in the zoo's aquarium, surrounded by sharks and sting-rays. Connor and Brandon secured a coveted spot in the shark tunnel, where they watched the sharks swim above them throughout the night:

The campout also included two hikes, where the boys and their guests got to learn more about the zoo and all that animals that live there. At 12:11 pm on Sunday, June 13th, we stopped right in the middle of the desert habitat so I could kiss our birthday boy at the precise moment he entered the world (rest assured, no one we knew was around). It was awesome.

Look! A lion!

The girls and I stayed in a nearby hotel while the boys soaked up the overnight experience. We toured the zoo together as a family the morning after the campout. We had never been to the Omaha Zoo before and it was a great experience! You could see many of the animals right up close.

The morning after we got home from Omaha, summer Scout camp began. For Boy Scouts, it is a day camp at the Platte County Fairgrounds. The boys and their Scout Leaders spent 4 days out in the heat and dust, doing all sorts of manly things, including shooting BB guns and bows and arrows. Here is a picture of Connor's Den:

Playing marbles at a station:

Looking good! Connor calls this his "Indiana Jones" hat:

The evolution of a marksman:

Connor was in HEAVEN. He came home every day literally covered (head to toe) in mud and grime. I am learning that in a boy's world, the dirtier you are when you come home, the better the experience was. :)

Hanging at Home with Hadley

This is where Hadley hangs out during the day while Connor and Kylee are at school....