More Pictures of the Big Day

Here are a few more pictures of The Big Day. First, we started out by checking into the hospital at 7:00am. Yep, it was an early start for all of us...thus, the kiddos are in pajamas:







Things got rolling around 11:00am, and Lindsey (the ROCK STAR pregnant lady) impressed one and all by bringing Hadley to us in just three pushes! She's an incredible woman! Anyway, here's little Hadley being mad at the indignity of it all:





Once she got cleaned up and warmed up, she was much happier. If you recall from the 3D sonogram, she loved having her hands right up next to her face, or even in her mouth. Looks like she still does:







Here's Jeane, the world's best midwife. She blessed us with her expertise and care for all three of our healthy babies, and spent much of her day off with us on Tuesday. Thanks, Jeane, you're one in a million!







Little Hadley had a long day, too. This is in the evening as she was getting sleepy. Naturally, she perked up throughout the night:






Some pictures of the family:

Connor and Kylee were the first ones in to see their baby sister, and immediately adored her. It was incredible to watch their smiles and their gentle touches. Ever since that first moment, they have been arguing (even to the point of shouts and blows at times) about who's turn it is to hold her! We'll see how long that lasts...

Here's her official coming-home outfit:

We thought it was extremely cute, but she's not too sure about it.

Here we are, ready to head for home:

Once again, we thank you all for your love, prayers, gifts, food, well wishes, and support. The last year has been filled with incredible highs and devastating lows, and we would not have been able to get through it without all of you. We are very, very blessed, and look forward to creating another 'new normal'.

And sleep...we're looking forward to that, too... ;)

Here She Is!

At 3:18pm, we welcomed the newest member of the Carlson Crew, Hadley Louise Carlson, into this world!!!

6 pounds, 15 ounces, 18.5 inches long

We'll post more pictures in the next few days. Thank you for your prayers and support!

Tomorrow We Meet Her...

It is surreal to me that tomorrow morning, we will go to the hospital and begin the process of welcoming our baby girl into the world. This week has held a mix of emotions for me...anticipating Hadley, thinking about how our family is about to change, and, of course, grieving Caden as I reflect on all the milestones we've missed with him.

I find myself tearful fairly often...mostly because I am totally overwhelmed by God's grace and goodness and the gift that He has given us in this little girl. Hadley represents so much to us...healing, hope, resolution...and we'll get to hold her....tomorrow.

So, today is my last day of being pregnant. Again, a bit surreal. I feel this little one moving inside me and have mixed emotions about her being on the outside instead of the inside. While it will be nice to breathe normally, perhaps wear clothes without an elastic waistband (still several months away, I know), and maybe make it at least 15 minutes in between runs to the bathroom to pee, I will miss all the kicks, nudges, and tickles that new life in your belly brings. I know, though, that the sadness of missing that will be outweighed by the joy of watching Miss Hadley grow and explore the world around her. I also cannot wait to see her in her Daddy's arms, and to watch her brother and sister's faces as they meet her. :) I am happy to share.

Connor is very excited about Hadley's arrival. He has been counting the days for the last two weeks, and his face lights up when he talks about Hadley "being born". The first thing he told me this morning is that Hadley was going to be born in just ONE DAY! It was great. I know he will be an excellent big brother...no better man to have two sisters as his siblings.

Kylee, however, while excited, is responding a bit differently to the anticipated change. She has been a bit of a pill this week, mostly, I think, because she senses that something new is coming (and she's not real big on change). She, too, is excited to meet Hadley, but I think there is a part of her that fears that we might not get to bring this baby home. She guards her heart...but I look forward to the moment when she can let go and hold a healthy baby...a moment I have anticipated since finding out Hadley was on the way.

We enjoyed our weekend together...our last one as the four of us. We attended a Royals game on Friday night, did school shopping for the kids on Saturday, and then had a special dinner out together on Saturday night (Connor decided that "fancy" restaurants are entirely overrated). Sunday was spent attending Church and relaxing. I enjoyed my last uninterrupted Sunday afternoon nap for quite awhile. It was heaven!

We, once again, humbly ask for your prayers tomorrow. Please pray for our labor, and, of course, for a safe and healthy delivery. Please lift up Connor and Kylee as they deal with a positive, yet big, change in their world. And please pray for Brandon and I as we become parents to Baby #4.

We are so very grateful to be at this point...after such a sad year and then a pregnancy filled with apprehension and doubt, and eventually joy, tomorrow is the culmination of many things for us. We will be posting updates here, so feel free to check in and celebrate with us.

We have so much to be joyful about.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works: that I know very well."

Psalm 139:14

Two Weeks...

We meet our baby girl in just over 2 weeks! We are all so excited. There has been a great deal of discussion around our house about bringing Hadley home with us. The kids are thrilled, yet I also sense a bit of hesitation in their hearts surrounding this event...as if they won't believe that she's coming home until we actually have her here. I can't say as I blame them for that. They are both asking that we pray for Hadley to arrive safely in their bedtime prayers...I wish that somehow, this baby girl could know how loved and anticipated she is.

My appointments have gone well...Hadley is measuring appropriately and has plenty of fluid around her. We opted for an induction given that the hospital we will deliver at is several miles from our house...and we also wanted to be able to plan things, somewhat, so our family (even those that live far away) could be sure to be here when she arrives. There has been enough uncertainty surrounding all of this, so we are grateful to have a date on the calendar. July 21st it is.

I have been grateful that it wasn't too hot last week. My belly is definitely growing on a daily basis and sometimes just walking is a bit of a task...the kids (and my wonderful husband) are very understanding and bear with me. My emotions are getting stronger as the day approaches...I am so ready to hold this little one in our arms and am overwhelmed by the love that I feel for her. I cannot wait to hear her first cry and look at her pink face all bundled up in a blanket. There are so many small moments that I anticipate after not getting to have them with Caden. My perspective on Hadley's arrival is totally changed...I believe for the better.

We have tried to discuss what life is going to be like after the baby arrives...Connor, in particular, is used to going a million miles a minute, so we have felt it is important for him to understand that after Hadley is born, most days, we will spend time together here at home. He's not quite sure why we can't just haul Hadley with us wherever we go, but for the most part, is very understanding and accepting. I would imagine that Kylee will just love having a baby here to play with and she generally just wants to stay home most days, anyway, so I pray the adjustment will be a smooth one.

We talked about Hadley's birthday over lunch today. I was telling Connor and Kylee that they will be the first ones to hold their sister after Daddy and Mommy. Connor was asking about when she would be born, what time of day it would be, and so forth. I haven't yet had to field the question about how Hadley will come into the world...but we got dangerously close today....

Me: "You will come back to our house with Grandma and Grandpa because Mommy will have to stay a couple nights in the hospital after Hadley is born".

Connor: "Oh, is that so they can make sure that the patch they make for Hadley to be born gets fixed up okay?"

Me: "Yes. Exactly."

Whew! So far, so good...

Caden's "Heaven Day"

One year ago today, our son, Caden Adair, was born. One of our dearest family friends, Paula, called today "Caden's heaven day," and I thought it was perfect.

For weeks, we have thought about how this day was going to hit us. We decided that it would bring with it a mix of relief and incredible sadness...and perhaps, hopefully, a little bit of joy at knowing our youngest sits at the feet of Jesus (on the first anniversary, it is hard to have the joy outweigh the sadness, I have to be honest).

Once again, we have been amazed and so grateful for the outpouring of love and support that we have received from friends and family. From beautiful cards, to flowers, to e-mail encouragement, to yummy treats and a homemade lunch, we have been so blessed today. It has been a gift to face this difficult day surrounded by love and lifted up in the prayers of others. So, to those of you who have provided that support for us, thank you.

The kids said they wanted to color pictures for Caden and release balloons in his memory, so we did that together as a family tonight. Brandon and I had thought for some time about what would be an appropriate way to commemorate Caden's "heaven day", and in the end, decided to just ask the kids what they wanted to do. So, that's what we did. And it was perfect. They have been well aware of what today means and have asked lots of questions and have been a little sad today, too. They miss their baby brother. What a gift perceptive children are.

One of the greatest reminders we have of our baby boy is our garden. I wanted to share some pictures with you. Things are popping up beautifully this year. The picture at the beginning of this post is of one of our first blooms on our magnolia tree. What great timing to see new signs of life! Here are some other shots of the garden:

Here are some shots of our balloon release. The kids wanted to let the balloons go out in the garden:

When asked if she wanted to say anything, Kylee said she wanted to tell Caden "Hi" and that she "hopes he's doing good in heaven." She wrote her name on the pink balloon.

Connor wrote "Hi, Caden!" on his balloons. When he released his, he yelled "I miss you, Caden!"

Watching the balloons soar...the kids were both very concerned about whether or not the balloons would actually make it up to heaven. We assured them that even if the balloons themselves didn't make it, Caden could see what we were doing.



We love you, baby boy. You dwell in our hearts forever.

Summer Fun!

I thought I'd share a few pictures of what we've been up to this summer. :)

Summer started with several rainy days. One afternoon, Kylee decided she was going to put on her self-named rain gear and head out regardless of the showers...I thought her choice of rain gear was pretty interesting...I think the pink cowgirl boots were my favorite:

Then, one day, she decided to try on my sunglasses, which, as every parent knows, makes for an ADORABLE photo op. Here's Kylee's "Jackie O" look:

Connor requested dinner at Red Robin for his birthday. He is always adamant that he wants the birthday sundae, but there is to be NO SINGING under any circumstances. He gets that from me. The thought of several servers belting out a horrific rendition of "Happy Birthday" to me in front of a bunch of strangers is my idea of utter humiliation.

Look, Mom, I'm seven!

As you know, Kylee has been taking a dance class with her friend from preschool, Emily. She, at first, was quite resistant to the idea, but has grown to love it, and will occasionally put on performances here at home to demonstrate what she's learned in class. Based on what I've seen here at home, I believe this is them rehearsing their "Welcome Song" together. This is NOT a good picture of the instructor, who is not generally as enthusiastic as she appears here (thank goodness):

Kylee and Emily after class:

The majority of our summer has been spent at the Community Center in the water. Both of the kids wrapped up their swimming lessons this week and did an AMAZING job. The classes conclude with a journey down to the deep end of the pool (14 ft), where the kids get to jump off the platform and go off the slide. In Connor's class, by the last week, they were then swimming to the side by themself, while in Kylee's class, her teacher caught each of them as they slid into the water. The kids LOVED their lessons. Here's Kylee getting ready to slide:

Pretty proud of herself:

Connor working on his strokes in the pool with his teacher:

Connor getting ready to slide. This is his apprehensive pose. When he's nervous, his fingers migrate to his mouth. On the last week, when the teacher didn't get in the water to catch them as they came down the slide, Connor peeked his head around the edge of the slide and yelled "Aren't you going to help us?" It was pretty cute. The teacher assured him he'd be fine. And he was!

Using his freestyle to get to the side:

We also spend a fair amount of time at the pool in the afternoons, just playing together (at this point, I am sitting on the side watching. There are advantages to having two older children. Next year will be a very different story!).

I LOVE this pic of the kids:

Stay cool!

Connor Turns Seven!

I can't believe it.

Connor is seven.

He has been for almost 2 weeks now (his birthday was on June 13th), and it still feels a little surreal to me to say it. How time flies! I still remember bringing him home from the hospital in his teddy bear onesie, wondering exactly how it was God figured we were the right people to raise the little bundle. Each and every day has been a blessing with him in our lives.

Connor is our sweet, sensitive soul. He is also very smart (give me a second here to brag). He is incredibly aware of what other people think and feel and is so KIND to everyone he meets. People remark, over and over again, how good he is with younger children. He is exceptionally patient and gentle (unless he's frustrated while playing Mario Kart). He can read very well, and he loves to learn....about science, math, reading, and life in general. He loves to ride his bike, swim, and draw.

Just today, he asked me why my sister and I don't live together, since we're family. I explained how, after he goes to college, he, too, will have a place of his own and won't live with Daddy, Kylee, and I anymore (gulp). He wondered if he had to have a wife at that point in the game. I assured him that it wasn't a requirement.

He is an amazing older brother. He is so good to his sister, even when he would have every right to kick her into next year. He tolerates A LOT...and is also gradually learning how to get under sister's skin without being obvious about it.

Connor loves to be social...his birthday party is evidence of that. He had 25 friends over for a birthday carnival on his special day, complete with cotton candy (and a wonderful Daddy that looked like a hairy monster as he operated the machine) and carnival games. He had a great time playing, running, and, of course, opening presents. Thankfully, the weather held up and we were able to stay outside for the party.

Here are some pics:

We started the party with popcorn and drinks on the patio.

"Juggling Jeff" put on quite a show. Connor was his assistant for a couple tricks.

As great as Juggling Jeff was, I am afraid he was a close second to the cotton candy machine. The kids LOVED it! Brandon was the operator and was COVERED in the sticky stuff.


Grandpa and Grandma Lori were on hand for the fun (Dad thought Juggling Jeff was hilarious if that tells you anything about the caliber of dialogue in Jeff's show). :)


Sister had fun, too.

Presents from Mom, Dad, and Kylee were all GI Joe toys (question...was this a present JUST for Connor, or Daddy, too? Hmmmm....). Connor has quite the collection now!

Those of you that know our young man understand that no occasion is complete without a new accessory. Connor used his giftcards to purchase a Bumblebee voice changing helmet. Loads of awesomeness!

We look forward to continuing to watch our guy grow and explore the world around him and are so thankful for all of the color he brings to our world. We love you, Con-Man!

3D Rocks!

After much deliberation, we decided to bite the bullet and pay for a 3D sonogram for little Hadley...and it was worth every penny!

Connor and Kylee were very excited to see their sister at first, but lost interest after about half an hour. Mommy and Daddy, however, couldn't get enough!

Anyway, we wanted to share a few of the best pictures with you. This first one is a shot of Hadley pressed up against mom, with her arm crossing in front of her mouth:




The next one is a full shot of her mouth and cheeks. Off to the right you can see her left hand - she's a finger-sucker, so here it's moving in:

This picture shows her with her mouth open, as if she's going to sneeze:

This last one is another picture with her mouth open, but from a little different angle. Looks to me like she got bored with the whole thing and yawned:

In both of these last shots, you can see her hands close by.

It was refreshing to visit this office and see these images with a spirit of expectation and joy. While we will always treasure the images of Caden's 3D sonogram, yesterday was certainly a whole lot more fun.

Thank you all for your prayers and support, and for sharing in both our sadness and our joy.

A Tribute to Mom

It is a rainy day here in Kansas City...and thankfully, the kids are tolerating being cooped up quite well. Things have been busy here, with both the kids taking swim lessons, Kylee venturing into her first dance class, and Connor working hard in a Cross Country camp sponsored by our school district. Our free moments are spent in the pool at the Community Center, so the odor of chlorine lingers in our car. Yes, summer is here!

Today, I want to take a few moments to talk about someone who meant the world to me....my Mom. As many of you know, my Mom passed away after a brave battle with cancer on June 9, 1999. Today is the ten year anniversary of her death.

Ten years since I have heard her voice, seen her eyes, or touched her hands. Ten years since she has hugged me, encouraged me, or told me that she loved me. Ten years.

The raw pain has diminished as the years have gone by, but June 9th is always a tough one for me. My Mom, whose name was Beth, was one of my best friends. My strongest advocate, for sure. My compass...when at times, perhaps she shouldn't have been. If Mom said it was a good decision, then it was. And if you made a decision that Mom didn't agree with, well, look out. You were in for the silent treatment followed by a loud outburst rivaled only by Mother Nature. But it all stemmed from PASSION. Mom had a lot of that...especially when it came to children...and ESPECIALLY her own.

My Mom loved being with family. When we were dating, there were many Friday and Saturday nights that Brandon and I spent at home with Mom...and now, I am so grateful that we did. Her Sunday lunches were legendary....chicken and noodles and mashed potatoes with gooey white rolls and green bean casserole was my favorite meal she fixed....we would sit around the dining room table and laugh together, talk about life, and just BE. Those are treasured memories that I hold near and dear in my heart. That table we sat around together now sits in our dining room.

Mom loved to talk. Sitting on the kitchen counter, with her cup of coffee and cigarette in close proximity, we would chat for hours. About life, love, work...or whatever was on our minds. She had strong opinions about most everything...religion, men, marriage...and wasn't afraid to say what she thought.

Mom was my biggest fan...but always thought I was too nice and perhaps didn't say what I REALLY thought often enough. I doubted myself too much in her eyes...but in the midst of doubt, I knew I always had home. When I went to college, I was bound and determined to make it a full month before coming home. I called two weeks into my first semester and begged her to let me come back and stay for a weekend. I know now that she was as relieved to see me as I was to be home with her. :)

I found out Mom was sick just one month before she passed away. She had known since February that she was sick...but I was finishing up college and she knew that if she told me of her diagnosis, I would quit school and move home. In May, when I found out she was ill, I moved home and helped take care of her the month before her death. Doctors had said there was no hope...we pursued all the options, but in the end, heaven called.

The moment she died, I was there with her. I am thankful that I was. I have reflected on that moment many times since then, and it brings me peace to know how close to heaven I was in that second where her spirit left her body. I told her I loved her as I watched her leave earth. It was an amazing and heartbreaking moment.

What do I miss most about my Mom? Being able to call her and check in. Having her around when I don't feel good or have just had a really bad day. What saddens me most is knowing that she won't be a part of my kids' lives, although I know that she knows them well despite not being here on earth. I believe she would love Connor's gentle heart and she would adore Kylee's strong spirit. I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, who is watching over Caden for us. What an incredible gift.

Mom, I miss you each and every day. Thanks for the love, laughs, hugs, and sacrifices that you gave and made for me. I realize, now that I am a mother myself, how tired you must have been...and yet, you kept on going and helped form me into who I am today. We had more great moments together in 22 years than many Moms and daughters do in a lifetime, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Rest In Peace.

It's Been Awhile...

Good Afternoon!

The month of May has flown by here at the Carlson house. We have been busy with end of the school year activities, work, karate, and life in general. It has been great, but we are so glad it's SUMMER!

May got off to an exciting start for our family as we shared Caden's Cubs with the children at our church, North Star. The children collect an offering each month for a ministry of some kind, and they asked us if they could collect for Caden's Cubs for the months of May and June. We were honored and humbled to be asked, and of course, said "yes!". We were recently blessed to have a logo created for Caden's Cubs through a woman that works with Alexandra's House (see below), so it was fun to debut that in addition to sharing our mission with the youth of the church. Connor and Kylee shared Sparkles and Carl, and we set up the children's altar using some of our Build-A-Bear creations. So far, the children have already collected enough money for one bear. It is so exciting!

A little bit about the logo. You will see a bear (our symbol for Caden) sitting on an alphabet block. It was important to us that we incorporated all of our children into the logo, so you see the first letter for all of their names on the block. "C" for Connor, "K" for Kylee, and "H" for our newest addition, whom we've decided to name Hadley. Hadley Louise (my middle name). It is wonderful for us to have a symbol for our ministry that includes all four of our little ones.

Speaking of Miss Hadley, she is right on target with her growth, and they are now saying I am due around July 28th. We will most likely schedule an induction about a week before that, so we will be meeting our baby girl in just over 2 months. We are beginning to wash up clothes, and I almost cry each and every time I smell the sweet aroma of the baby detergent. I bought our first pack of diapers a couple weeks ago and almost had a meltdown of joy right there in Target. It's the little things that make me realize how truly blessed we are and we continue to pray, daily, for Hadley's health and continued development.

Now, back to activities of the children outside my womb....

We had our annual family night at Worlds of Fun courtesy of Brandon's company, DST. It was interesting this year because Connor is certainly outgrowing Camp Snoopy as you can tell by his sheer enthusiasm for the train in the picture below. He did, however, venture out and try bumper cars and some other rides that were considerably more fun for him.

The month of May also held a walk to the park for Kylee's preschool class:

Connor's class took a trip to Kaleidoscope at Crown Center here in Kansas City. Brandon had his name drawn out of the hat and was chosen to go along as a sponsor on the trip. Here's Connor playing:

Kylee and I were able to join Brandon and Connor's class for a picnic lunch at Penguin Park after the morning's festivities. It was a fun day!

In the middle of the month, Brandon travelled to Springfield, Illinois for a weekend to test for his black belt in karate. He was successful in achieving his goal, so he is now a certifiable member of an elite club that I know little about, but do have a great deal of respect for all the same. He trained for months to go and demonstrate his abilities, and it's impressive to watch him do his thing. The kids and I stayed at home as there wasn't much for non-karate folks to do on this particular trip, and we were excited to greet him when he returned home as an official first-degree black belt. Connor also tested here at his school and was successful in obtaining his yellow belt, so we've had all sorts of good things to celebrate on that front.

Speaking of accomplishments, Connor decided last weekend that he wanted to learn to ride his bike without training wheels. I think he got tired of our neighbor girls whizzing around him on their bikes when they all ride together. So, he and Daddy made a trip down to a nearby empty parking lot to give it a try (a cul-de-sac is tricky to navigate when one is just starting out!), and Connor took to riding sans training wheels immediately. He felt so proud and is now easily lapping all of us on evening walks as he rides and we make a (very sorry) attempt to keep up.

Caden's garden is in full bloom, so I am hopeful that I can get out there and take some pictures to share with you all. It is so wonderful to look out the kitchen window and see it each and every day.

We hope you all are enjoying your Memorial Day weekend. Stay tuned for more pictures...come back soon!