The Con-Man Turns 10

Sheesh.  Even as I type it, it doesn't seem possible.

Connor James Carlson is a decade old.  Double digits.

We are so lucky to have Connor in our family.  He is the most patient, loving, kind-hearted, perceptive kid around.  Day after day, he shows love to his sisters and is willing to lend a helping hand when needed.  He cares deeply about the thoughts and feelings and will do whatever he can to bring happiness to the soul of another.  He watches faces carefully and can sense disappointment or heartache...and is quick to try to mend whatever hurt exists.  He is amazing with younger kids, often a favorite amongst the little people in our lives.  Brandon and I are continually amazed at our son's spirit.

What a joy it is to watch Connor's personality continue to evolve.  He is a social creature, loving time with friends and family and always asking what we have planned for the next day.  But he is also reserved...hesitant in new situations and fearful when trying new things.  To watch him conquer something that is unknown is incredible.  Connor is respected by his teachers and peers and loves to learn.  His smile is legendary and his eyes light up when something amuses him.  His whole body moves when he's excited about something, and he speaks with his hands, just like his Daddy does.  His vocabulary has expanded to include words like "technically", "amazingly", and "surprisingly".  We joke that he is the adverb king. :)  Connor has started to grasp what sarcasm is and it is so fun to joke with him.  "Yeah right, Mom!" is heard often around our house as we banter back and forth.

Connor's interests have changed from Thomas the Train to Nintendo DS (he saved all his birthday money to buy a new 3DS) and from Transformers to Legos.  While he's crossing the bridge from boy to young man, we still catch precious glimpses an imaginative soul in our son.  Listening to him animate his Lego minifigures as he builds new creations brings smiles to our faces.  Hearing him "cast" an imaginary football game is quite a riot.  He shares his Daddy's love of football and is a Green Bay Packers fan.

We watch him run like the wind on the football field as he continues to grow as an athlete.  He loves being outdoors and all things that come along with that.  He is agile and skilled in his movements.  It is a blessing to watch his talents evolve.

Our blonde-haired little man with an unforgettable smile is now 10 years old.  We celebrated Connor's birthday with a birthday dinner, an evening of Lasertag, and then a family trip to Chuck E. Cheese's.

Birthday gifts from Mommy, Daddy, and Sisters

Birthday dinner capped off with cake and make your own sundaes

Ready for some serious LaserTag

The birthday boy is captured!

The birthday man and Chuck E. Cheese

We had a great time celebrating and Mommy is trying hard not to think how fast the next 10 years will go.  Thanks for being who you are, Connor James.  We love you very, very much!

Daddies and their Daughters

Many of you who know my husband well are aware of his true love and affection for dancing.  If you understand this about Brandon, then you understand why he literally cringed when the word began to spread regarding the fact that our Church hosts an annual Father-Daughter Dance.  As soon as Kylee got wind of this event, her eyes lit up and a huge smile spread across her face.

Daddy was done for.

We took Kylee shopping for a special dress.  The black dress with the white polka dots was an instant sell.  My hubby, being the amazing father that he is, got all dressed up in a collared shirt and tie (in 100 degree weather), bought our girl a corsage, and took our daughter to the dance.

Before the dance, we gathered with friends for a light dinner and pictures.  It was fun seeing the girls and their Daddies all dressed up.

It was a night she'll never forget.

I am so grateful for a husband who recognizes that sometimes, you just have to take one for the team.  Brandon has always been more than willing to do that for the good of our kids, but this example stands out (he HATES dancing).  Brandon was assured by friends who go to the annual event that the Daddies just get to stand around and chat among themselves while the girls twirl around the dance floor.  As luck would have it, and as personality dictates, Kylee insisted that Brandon dance with her on almost every dance.  And he did it.  Entirely out of his comfort zone, he made our daughter's night by being her dance partner.

Occasions like these result in a great deal of reflection for me.  We are often struck by how important a father's role is in the life of his daughters.  It is continually impressed upon us that as parents, we need to build our girls up, telling them often how intelligent, beautiful, and worthy they are....and most importantly, how much Jesus loves them.  We want them to know that they are created perfectly and don't need to seek love in unhealthy places to fill a void.  Brandon is always aware of his role in showing our girls what a Godly man acts like and what kind of character traits they will want to have in their own husbands someday.  Words simply cannot express how grateful I am for that.  Our girls are so blessed to have a Daddy like Brandon.

While the disdain for dancing remains strong, I have to believe that, deep down, the time with our girl made Daddy's night, too. :)

Worlds and Oceans of Fun

We took the leap this year and purchased Gold Passes to Worlds and Oceans of Fun.  We have gotten our money's worth already as we've enjoyed both parks several times.  Being able to come and go at a leisurely pace is so nice.

The carousel is one of Hadley's favorites

Enjoying the park with friends

Ready to swing!

We love us some beetles!

Connor and I reside in the same (not too adventurous) camp.  Camp Snoopy is about our speed.  A couple trips ago, Connor and I attempted one of the more moderate coasters, Spinning Dragons, together.  It took me a week to recover and Connor spent the whole ride looking terrified.  So, he and I stick to what we're good at...kiddie rides and being on stroller duty while the more adventurous folk (Brandon) enjoy the major attractions.  We have all enjoyed the Viking Voyager and the Fury of the Nile.  The drive your own car attraction has also been a family favorite, along with bumper cars.

Daddy and Hadley on the Camp Snoopy Bus

A wild family adventure!

At Oceans of Fun, the kids really like the wave pool and the lazy river.  It is so nice to have two older kids who are such strong swimmers.

Good times.  A summer staple for years to come, I am sure. :)

Adventures in Piano

So, Brandon and I are two card-carrying members of the "I quit taking piano lessons even though my parents told me I'd regret it someday" club.  We are both very musical, having been raised in families who are musical.  We dabbled in piano in our youth, sang in choir, and both played (very successfully, I might add) in both band and orchestra in our high school years.  Brandon went on to play trumpet in college and I played in the band my freshman year at Jewell as well.  We're not too proud to admit that despite these experiences, maybe, just MAYBE, we wish we'd stuck with the piano gig.

In looking at the official list of what good parents do (wink, wink), we decided that it would be prudent to enroll both the kids in piano lessons a year ago.  Little did we know that when a kid signs up for lessons, the parents are along for the ride in a BIG way.  We have spent the last year fighting over practice time, wiping away years (both mine and the kids') when frustration grew too much, haggling over theory exercises, and continually proclaiming the importance of this effort to kids who weren't all that excited about it (insert an apology to our parents here for all the kicking and screaming we did.  You know what they say about paybacks...).  We are only minimally ashamed to admit this experience culminated in Brandon and I initiating a MAJOR act of bribery.  The kids were promised a big reward for practicing a certain number of times without complaining or whining.  The money we spent on their reward was far worth maintaining what precious little of our sanity was left.  Hello, iPads.

We found a good teacher and survived the year.  In the process, we learned a lot about music and the challenge of having to be responsible for practicing along with the accountability of lessons proved to be a growth experience for us all.  The kids were able to progress well throughout the year and we really enjoyed their performances at the end of the year recital.   Connor played two pieces ("Pop Goes the Weasel" and "You and Me"), and Kylee performed "Zoo on Saturday" for her recital piece.  It was evident that the kids were excited to share their talent and result of their hard work with those who were on hand to listen.

This was the kids' first experience with solo performance and I think I was just as nervous as they were.  They both played their pieces from memorization and did a great job.  I was sitting over on the sidelines, holding their music just in case they needed it (shaking like a leaf, I might add), but they both made it through without needing help.  We were so proud of them!

Three little monkeys on recital day

Grandma Carlson

Grandpa and Grandma McKinney

Mrs. Kennedy, teacher

This experience was more than learning to play an instrument...it was about seeing hard work and discipline pay off, and conquering something that was new and intimidating to them.  They handled it like champs.

Will we take lessons again this year?  Probably not.  Do we hope the kids will continue playing on their own terms?  Absolutely.  The memory of our journey with piano will be tucked into our minds as a reflection of what hard work and dedication can blossom into.

The Scoop on Spring

Our spring was filled with lots of fun.  Connor played another round of flag football and Kylee hit the soccer fields in spring sports.  It was a blast to watch both of them play.  We've never been much into competitive sports, so the Parks and Rec teams are just our speed.

Connor's flag football team has played together for a few years now, so it is fun to watch them learn and grow together.  This year, the Coach added audibles (calling plays from the sidelines) and it was fun to watch the boys learn that dimension of the game.  Connor contributed to the team through his offensive plays and really grew into his role as a defensive player during the spring season, too.



Connor and Coach Jason



The Packers

Kylee's team started out a bit rough, but really blossomed as the season went on. Kylee scored a goal in the team's last game, which was the highlight of the season for us! We are so proud of her for the way that she plays hard and supports her team.

Running hard

Raise the Roof!

Daddy is working on highlight videos that will be posted soon. :)

4 Years

4 years ago right now, we were leaving the hospital after telling our baby boy good-bye. Riding out of the maternity ward in a wheelchair, empty handed, I felt relief at the prospect of getting to go home, and, of course, extreme sadness to be going home without my baby. I held, in my lap, a small wooden box filled with a lock of Caden's hair, moldings of his hand and footprints, and the measuring tape they had used to see how long he was. Friends had given us the box so we wouldn't have to leave the hospital entirely empty handed. I was so grateful for that box. It would be months before I could look through its contents without feeling like I was reliving our "silent birth" experience all over again, but in the years since Caden's heaven day, I have pulled it out often to look at his hair and touch the outfit that he wore. These physical reminders bring such comfort.

There are certain things about time passing that makes grief lessen. The emotions aren't as fresh, the pain not quite as searing. However, time passing also means that's another year we haven't gotten to celebrate a birthday, watch our boy grow, or learn more about his personality. We should be deciding where to send him to preschool this year....not missing him terribly.

I received a card from a friend and former co-worker in the mail this morning. She is always so good to remember this day. Her words said "Your kids are getting so big, but we are thinking about the one who is missing." Those words touched my soul deeply. There is a hole in our family that will remain there forever. There still aren't many roadtrips where I don't think about how amazing it would be to have 4 carseats in our van. How nice it would be to request a table for 6 instead of a table for 5 at a restaurant. How I would love to buy Christmas presents for 4 kids.

In those moments of longing, I am quickly reminded of how blessed we are. There aren't words to express our gratefulness for our 3 beautiful children who are here with us, and for the ways in which God has enabled us to memorialize Caden in our lives and family. We are so thankful for the friends and family who are praying for us today, cherishing the life of our baby boy along with us. We are grateful for the lessons our journey with Caden taught us and continues to teach us daily. One of our babies was received into heaven 4 years ago today. In a quiet hospital room, amongst great heartache, an angel was born. A piece of heaven came into our lives. We celebrate this journey in the midst of our sadness.

Caden Adair, thank you for allowing us to hold you in our arms for a few brief moments. More than that, thank you for holding a place in our hearts forever. You are missed and loved in a way that words cannot express.

Things God Has Done for Me

I always enjoy looking over the projects that the kids work on during the Sunday School hour in Church.  Today, Connor's task was to make two lists on a piece of paper.  One was "Things I Know About God" and the other was "Things God Has Done for Me".

The first thing on Connor's "Things God Has Done for Me" is: "Sent my brother to heaven."

I am inspired by this on many levels.  The first thing that touches me about this sentence is that God is again providing comfort with the knowledge that the spirit of our baby boy is still very much alive and well in the hearts of our family, and especially in the hearts of his siblings.  The second, and perhaps more profound lesson that Connor's work reveals to me is that his statement about Caden going to heaven was categorized as something that God did for Connor....as if it was a blessing.  A favor.  A gift.

Whoa.

I learn so much from our children.  Losing Caden isn't something God did TO us.  My oldest son has taught me that the Lord bringing Caden to heaven, to sit at the foot of His throne, to be surrounded by the splendor of His Kingdom...is something God did FOR us.  A piece of our family...one that we miss daily....has been called to his eternal dwelling long before the rest of us.  And while our hearts are filled with extreme sadness and longing....and while our earthly family feels incomplete because Caden isn't here....we have been given a gift.

What a perspective.  I am so, so grateful for the ways in which God speaks to us through our beautiful children....whether they are here....or in heaven.

I don't know that I'm entirely there yet like Connor is, but am thankful that God is patient with me.

Thank you, Lord, that there is no greater blessing than being in Your presence.

Choices

The weeks leading up to Easter were difficult ones for us. This blog has been a place for me to share my thoughts and feelings....so once again, grab a cup of coffee and settle in with me. 
For the last several years, I have worked as an online instructor for a program that assists Nursing students all over the world in their preparation for NCLEX (the licensing exam Nurses are required to take). I was honored to be asked to take on more and more responsibility within the program as the years went by. For the last two years, I took on many administrative duties for the program, in addition to assisting with product development and managing a full load of students year round. The position allowed me to work from home while earning a good income. What a blessing!  I was learning so much as part of the corporate world....and realized this was not the world for me.  I came face to face with the classic "time or money" dilemma.  I was not willing to drink the proverbial "Kool-Aid" and found that what motivates most folks in Corporate America wasn't what motivated me.

As many of you know, teaching future nurses in the classroom and online has been a passion of mine for the last 10 years.  I have been blessed to have opportunities to keep my foot in the door professionally, while still being present at home.  When this opportunity came available, I jumped at it.  And, because I'm me, I didn't do the job halfway.  I spent hours and hours on the computer, doing the very best I could to keep up with demands.  Answering e-mails at all hours of the day and night, assisting co-workers and students, and dealing with a boss who has a personality very different than my own.  And then, when I wasn't on the computer, I was being wife, Mommy, taxi service, calendar coordinator, budget balancer.....and losing myself.

For weeks, I felt a sense of unrest in my soul.  I had this sense that the way I was spending my time was not congruent with what I valued most in my life.  And while it was nice to be making good money and feeling important, my heart was hurting.  I struggled for a long time with what to do with that feeling of unrest.  Some days, I felt that I needed to just set new boundaries and continue on...but repeated efforts to re-structure and walk away from work failed.  I realized that I wasn't the type of person who could just walk away and let go.  I continued to be physically present, but rarely emotionally present as work weighed heavily on my heart and mind.  This was a problem.  The Holy Spirit was guiding me, encouraging me to remember that the cares of this world are not the cares of our Lord.  And that living a life that honors Him isn't attached to a title or a salary.  He was whispering to me.  I felt the tugs.

My friends and family were an incredible support to me.  Hours on the phone and many discussions in person allowed me to process these thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  Those who knew me best encouraged me to walk away.  Most importantly, my husband looked at me and said "It's time to let it go."  Over the years, I had invested so much of myself in this job that I almost wondered who I'd be without it consuming so much of my life.  I was scared on so many levels...What would happen to our income?  Would my boss be upset with me?  Was I stranding my co-workers?  Would the kids be upset that we couldn't eat out as much?  Emotionally, I knew that having my whole and present would outweigh any complications that arose, but it was scary.  When you are so deeply entrenched in one world, it is hard to walk out.

Things came to a head in mid-March when I had a phone conversation with my boss.  In this conversation, it became apparent to me that where I was at in my life was not congruent with where I needed to be to continue to be successful with this company in a full time role.  I was heartbroken and an anxious mess, but I also knew this was an interaction God was using to show me that it was time to make the break.  Shortly after this conversation, I officially requested to reduce my workload and be moved to part-time status within the program.  I waited for a week to hear back from my boss.  I was a wreck.  Anxiety was at an all time high as I feared what was coming...and braced myself for the worst.

The answer came on a Friday.  My boss called me and in a tone as cool as ice, said that the powers that be would grant my request and that I could transition into a part-time (aka second class citizen) role.  This would mean an uncertain salary (contract work) and no benefits, but would also mean freedom from administrative tasks and product development work.  I was getting my life back.

I started my new role on April 8th, and it did not escape my notice that this transition came about right after Easter.  I feel so blessed to have experienced my own renewal when we celebrated Christ's victory over the grave.  While some things are uncertain, in this time of transition, God has faithfully reminded me that He is the provider.  He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, beautiful children, and caring and supportive family and friends.  We are healthy and covered by His grace and mercy.

The last week has been incredible.  I have been able to be more fully present in all what I do and have been able to let go of so much of the anxiety and stress that has plagued me for the last several months.  I am still able to work with students in an online environment, and have enough space to realize how much I love doing it.  In just a few weeks, I will teach a Health Assessment course to a new group of Nursing students in person at William Jewell....does it get any better?  Most importantly, I am enjoying the sunshine with Hadley and able to be attentive to Connor and Kylee when they get home and want to share about their day.  I am watching TV with my husband at night and am doing it guilt-free.  I am singing worship songs in Church, feeling peace in my soul, knowing that we are not promised an easy road, but we are assured that Christ walks with us, and at times carries us, as we move along our journey.

I share all this because at some point, we all have hard choices to make.  I think it is rare to find that the right thing to do comes about easily.  For some people, the corporate world is exactly the right place.  For me, it wasn't.  And that is okay.  The pressures of this world and our desires to live up to our full potential in a worldly sense can sometimes create so much noise that it is difficult to center ourselves and remember that we are incredible simply because God created us.  In the days and weeks to come, I hope to meditate on this truth and embrace it.

I hope the same for you.

Chicago

Some of our readers (who shall remain nameless, Aunt Mandy), have informed us that there has been a bit of a lapse in our updates.  Frankly, we're honored that anyone noticed.  So, in appreciation of your diligence in reading, Mandy, this post is for you. :)

We took the kids to Chicago for a few days over spring break and had an awesome time.  We were looking for someplace within driving distance that would offer fun things to do and see for both kids and adults.  Brandon and I have visited Chicago on two other occasions and love the city's feel.  We like that it offers the big city sites with  a Midwest heart.

We planned our trip around sites including the Museum of Science and Industry, the Magnificent Mile, and Shedd Aquarium.  Other highlights of our trip included staying at the Embassy Suites, where breakfast was made to order hot every morning and there was a nice manager's reception (this means free drinks for the adults and snacks for the kids) every evening.

We drove to Chicago due to the expensive nature of plane tickets (gulp).  Even with gas prices being what they are, it saved us (literally) thousands to drive.  Let me tell you folks, there is NOTHING between Kansas City and Chicago.  Making this trek with a potty-training toddler was a bit of a headache (there was one time we had to drive 6 miles off interstate just to find a bathroom).  The kids were troopers, though, despite a malfunctioning DVD player and a lack of scenery.  Brandon and I are still in amazement that families ever took roadtrips prior to the technology that now occupies our young ones during these long journeys.  Hats off to our parents.

We arrived in Chicago late in the evening and the next day, decided to venture down to the Magnificent Mile, which was within walking distance from our hotel.  The kids quickly learned that in a big city, Mom and Dad don't have patience for dawdling, mostly because of their concern that a small child might actually get run over by an impatient motorist.  After a stern "You have to stay with us because these people will run right over you" warning (always a nice introduction to the city), we managed to hold it together in the busy Chicago streets.

Our first stop was the much-anticipated American Girl doll store.  For those of you who haven't been indoctrinated, the flagship store for this dynasty is located in Chicago.  We ate lunch in the American Girl Cafe, where the girls' dolls joined us at the table in their own special seats (and with their own special dishes).
Kylee chose to bring her doll Kirsten along, who was actually my American Girl doll, given to me by my Grandma when I was about Kylee's age.  It was special.  I have dreamed for many years (Brandon mentioned that I was talking about it even before we had kids) of taking my daughters to this place.  I felt so blessed to share in the experience with them.

The boys were very tolerant during the pink-infused luncheon.  What good sports they are.

We then got to browse around the massive store.  The girls each picked out something special to bring home and enjoyed the displays in the store.

Conveniently located right next to the American Girl doll store is a Lego store (marketing genius, I tell you!).  We were thankful that the two were in such close proximity to each other.  Connor had a great time creating Mini-Figures and admiring the Lego creations in the store.

No trip to Chicago is complete without a stop at Garrett's Popcorn, which makes the BEST caramel and cheesecorn you've ever tasted in your life.  The smell wafts out the doors and there is often a line in the street as people wait to purchase some of this goodness.

The next day, we headed to the Museum of Science and Industry, where we enjoyed a special MythBusters exhibition and lots of neat hands-on activities.

One of the highlights of the museum was a chick hatchery.  We didn't get to watch any eggs actually hatch, but the kids thought the baby chicks were so much fun!  If they tapped on the glass, the chicks would all come waddle over, which they thought was pretty cool.

Our last day was spent at Shedd Aquarium, where we saw so many different kinds of fish and learned a lot about habitats.

They had a great Jellyfish exhibit:

The kids got to touch live starfish:

We also got to see a 4D movie.  Here's the crew all decked out:

We ended the day at the dolphin show:

We also went and explored Navy Pier one evening.  With it being slightly ahead of tourist season, many of the attractions on the Pier were closed, but the walk did afford us some incredible views of the skyline:

We felt so blessed to be able to enjoy this time together as a family.

Doniphan Doozies

Kylee received a special honor at school this semester.  Mrs. Wise, her teacher, nominated Kylee as a student who was helpful and kind.  Based on Mrs. Wise's nomination, Kylee was chosen as the first grade recipient of a special recognition ( called a Doniphan Doozy).  She filled out a form about herself (including her favorite book title (My Dog Ate My Homework), favorite sport (soccer), and what she most enjoys doing (sharing and caring)), which was then displayed on a bulletin board at the front of the school.

Traits that are exemplified by Doozy recipients are listed on the board

In the words of Grandpa Carlson, we have always known that Kylee is a doozy :)...and we are so proud of her for being the loving and caring person that she is to her classmates!

WAY TO GO, Miss J!