Happy Birthday, Haddie Lou!

Apparently, when you're the third child, your birthday pictures don't get posted until almost a month after your birthday. :)

We had a wonderful time celebrating Hadley's 2nd birthday in late July.  Family gathered for an Elmo-themed party.  We ate a meal, watched Hadley open presents, and chowed down on some amazing cake pops (made by the incredible Trena).  We recalled, again, how blessed we are to have Miss Hadley as a part of our world.

I can still easily recall the debate that we had after losing Caden...should we try again, or not?  Could we bear the pain of loss one more time?  Would we ever be able to be truly experience joy if we didn't try again?  Stinging, hurting, but knowing we couldn't live in fear, we took the leap.  And we are so very grateful that we did.

To those that ask about our journey, I refer to Hadley as our "healer baby".  Our pregnancy with Hadley was filled with uncertainty...and incredible healing.  I will never forget the moment she was born...she came out screaming loudly, announcing her arrival in just the way we were praying that she would.  After Caden's silent birth, the sound of Hadley's lungs filling with air was the best therapy we could ask for.  We held a perfect, healthy, little girl in our arms.  It was the culmination of the most difficult 2 years of our lives.

Since that moment, we have truly reveled in every aspect of having Hadley around.  We treasure every smile, lavish her with kisses, and still refer to her as "the baby".  This off the charts love also comes from Connor and Kylee.  The gift of Hadley has restored their souls in a unique and wonderful way, too.  We have applauded every landmark, kissed away every tear, and truly treasured every moment with her (even the ones that have meant less sleep for us).  We do this not only because of our experience with Caden, but also because we have seen how quickly these years go by.  We feel so very blessed.  Shortly after Hadley's birthday party, my husband went up into the nursery and transformed the crib into a toddler bed...and I cried.  The tears from feeling incredibly blessed to be able to watch our children grow, and incredibly sad...because, well....the crib is gone for the last time.  The changing table came down, too.  Ouch.  In its place went Hadley's pink chair, transforming the space into a reading corner...and the nursery into a toddler's room.  We are transitioning out of babyhood.  It is bittersweet.  I stared at the room thinking of all the memories one has from a nursery....and I anticipate memories to come. 

Hadley is her own unique being.  I think with the 3rd child, I thought that perhaps she would very closely mirror one of her siblings, especially given that Connor and Kylee are so different in personality.  God gifted us with another, totally incredible, individual.  Hadley is kind, sure of herself, and very opinionated.  She is smart, playful, and will hear NOTHING of not being allowed to keep up with the big kids.  She adores Elmo, playing on the iPod (sheesh), chocolate, and shoes.  She loves to giggle with Connor and Kylee and has an AWESOME belly laugh.  She has a smile that will light up an entire city block, only made cuter by her signature toddler mullet.  With each day that passes, we see more and more physical resemblance to Connor, but her personality is all her own.  She is almost completely unfamiliar with what it means to not get her way, but at the same time, is incredibly flexible. 

Happy Birthday, Haddie Lou.  Thank you for being our sunshine that broke through our family's cloud of darkness.  God blessed us with an incredible light when He gave us you.

4th of July and Lemonade!

Our Fourth of July weekend was low key, which was alright by us.  We enjoyed lunch at the Blakemore's and then came home to eat dinner and do some fireworks with Aunt Mandy and Uncle Jordan.  We roasted marshmallows in the blazing heat and gorged ourselves on S'mores.  Heaven!  Parachutes, popping thingies, and worms were among the favorites this year.  Here are some shots of the action:

Kylee and her friend Braden have talked and schemed for literally months about having a lemonade stand.  Braden's mom, Becca, is a good friend of mine, so in an attempt to brighten up a summer day and put an end to the asking, we arranged a time to set up shop.  The kids planned to sell muffins and cookies along with their lemonade and set up their table one afternoon.  A highlight of this entrepreneurial experience was the kids' kindergarten teacher, Miss Mac, being our first customer.  We loved it that she took the opportunity to make a mini-lesson out of having the kids figure out what she could buy with the amount of money that she had!

They actually made quite a killing thanks to good friends and generous strangers who stopped by.  This exercise has made me resolve that I will stop next time I see a child's lemonade stand (I believe this is one of Life's Little Instructions, isn't it?):

Summer is winding down...only two weeks until school starts!

Summer Stuff

Well, here we are almost two weeks into July.  Summer is in full swing!

The end of the school year came and went.  As it was with Connor, Kylee's last day of Kindergarten was full of emotion and Miss Mac invited families to be a part of the day.  We watched the kids play with sidewalk chalk they created and listed as they shared the wisdom they learned in kindergarten (Kylee's sentiment was something about the importance of being kind to the Earth).

Kylee and her sidewalk chalk

Kylee at a "Kindergarten Graduation party" hosted by a friend from her class

It is hard to believe that we will begin next school year with a 1st and 3rd grader.  Both kids had a good year in school and really liked their teachers.  We pray that they are placed in classes with teachers next year who will continue to nurture them.

Miss McPherson

Mrs. Watson

Summer has been good to us so far.  The kids have spent time with both sets of grandparents in Baldwin City and Colorado, played with friends, and enjoyed swimming anywhere and everywhere we can find water.  We celebrated Connor's 9th birthday with LaserTag and a sleepover with 5 of his best buds from school (whew!).   We celebrated Mother's Day with a picnic in the park and Father's Day found us at Worlds of Fun with the McKinney clan.

Fun in Colorado

Fishing with Grandpa Carlson

Mini golf in CO

Horseback adventures in Colorado

Rocky Mountain National Park

Rocky Mountain National Park

Wild Kids at Connor's birthday!

The big kids played, too!

Fun opening presents

Connor received two big Lego sets from Grandpa and Grandma Carlson and Mom and Dad.  He and Daddy worked hard and here are the finished products!

Close up with the masterpiece

On the Carousel at Worlds of Fun with Grandpa and Grandma McKinney (hard to see...look to the left!)

The girls riding the Lady Bugs at Worlds of Fun

Connor "driving" at Worlds of Fun

Hadley has thoroughly enjoyed having brother and sister home during the week (all the more hands to wait on her, right?).  We are doing well to get the kids in bed before 10:00 pm and most mornings they are sleeping in until 8:00 am.  We are unconcerned with schedules, showering, matching outfits, and nutrition.  I am trying not to think about how fast these blissful summer days are flying by.

Chef Hadley

I have been very deliberate about planning things to help occupy the children during the days.  Kylee informed someone the other day that her summer had been nothing but boring because she "has to do all the work with Hadley while Connor just plays".  Ah, sweet Kylee.  I suggested that if summer was so boring, perhaps she'd do better to be in summer school next year.  I was hoping that mentioning that would be a bit of a deterrant for her.  But, being Kylee, she informed me that she'd think about it.  I'm sure she'll let me know what she decides would be best for her. 

Work has been busy for Brandon and I, and the kids have been patient with us as we spend time on our computers.  My workload will decrease substantially this month, which will be such a blessing. 
We are also eagerly anticipating a family trip to Branson and celebrating Miss Hadley's 2nd birthday this month.  We will continue to enjoy moving at our own pace and spending time together as a family.

We are soaking up every minute and hope this finds you doing the same!

End of School Fun

Here are a few pics and a video I thought we would share of end of the year activities that Connor and Kylee participated in.  Connor's teacher provided an opportunity for kids to make their own volcanoes, complete with "lava" when they erupted.  Connor created a volcano and here are a few snapshots of him as his "erupted"!

The kindergarteners did a great end of year vocal concert...here is our little star in action!

We Miss You, Baby Boy....

Today is the day.  June 30th.  Three years ago, we held our precious Caden in our arms for a few hours.  We caressed our son's silky hair, touched his soft skin, and kissed his little cheeks.  We counted his tiny toes, held his little hands in ours, and covered him in love.  We watched, for a brief while, our three children together.  It is a day that will be forever etched into our souls.

Our hearts hurt.  The kind of hurt that never goes away.  But we know that even in times of pain, without a doubt, God is with us.  We know we will never understand why we have been led down this path, but we have learned to trust that there is a purpose, and that, somehow, some way, good will come from this journey.  There is a hole in our family that will never be filled.  Yet, we are filled with hope at the promise of seeing our son again soon and spending eternity alongside him.

Thank you to those of you who have loved Caden right along with us...Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends....we are so grateful for the ways in which you keep Caden's legacy alive.  Caden continues to be a big part of our daily lives, with Connor and Kylee being continually insistent that there are four children in our family.  We love it that they incorporate Caden into their prayers at night and talk about him regularly.  The picture above is a piece that Kylee created at school this year when asked to write about her favorite tree.  She chose to write about the Magnolia tree in Caden's garden:  "This is my favorite tree because it stands for my baby brother and it is old." Hadley has gone out into the garden a couple times this year and it is incredible to reflect on the significance of her being amongst the flowers and shrubs that celebrate her older brother's memory.  Caden is very much with us.

Caden Adair, we miss and love you so much.  You have touched us in ways that words cannot express and we are so thankful for the lessons that we have learned as a result of our journey with you.  While we will forever wish our journey with you had moved in a different direction, we trust that what we have learned on this path will bless us.  We know, even though we can't see you, that you walk with us.

You are forever our little angel.