The Carlson Crew

Doniphan Doozies

2012-01-01T12:19:00.000-06:00

Kylee received a special honor at school this semester. Mrs. Wise, her teacher, nominated Kylee as a student who was helpful and kind. Based on Mrs. Wise's nomination, Kylee was chosen as the first grade recipient of a special recognition ( called a Doniphan Doozy). She filled out a form about herself (including her favorite book title (My Dog Ate My Homework), favorite sport (soccer), and what she most enjoys doing (sharing and caring)), which was then displayed on a bulletin board at the front of the school.

Traits that are exemplified by Doozy recipients are listed on the board

In the words of Grandpa Carlson, we have always known that Kylee is a doozy :)...and we are so proud of her for being the loving and caring person that she is to her classmates!

WAY TO GO, Miss J!

December

2012-01-01T12:07:00.002-06:00

In early December, we attended the Alexandra's House Christmas party. The kids had the opportunity to visit with Santa. Hadley wasn't too sure about whether or not Santa could be trusted, but the big kids were very brave and shared a few items from their wish list with Old Saint Nick.

Hadley and I made the rounds at Connor and Kylee's school Winter Parties. Hadley has become the unofficial Alexandar Doniphan mascot. :) It was hilarious to see the way the kids gather around her, particularly in Connor's class. She ate the attention right up.

In the center of the action!

We were very ready for Christmas break at the Carlson house. While we love having fun things to do and participate in on a weekly basis, the constant activities and obligations associated with extra curricular activities, work, and school (let me give a shout out to my husband who aced his first semester in his MBA program!) had worn us all out, and we were eagerly anticipating the break in the routine. The kids and I were happy to waltz out of school knowing that break was beginning.

Our Christmas preparations included assembling and decorating a Gingerbread house. Uncle Craig assisted us with the design effort:

The finished product...and a glimpse of the beautiful anniversary roses my hubby gave me (12 years, folks)!

Fall Festivities

2012-01-01T11:54:00.000-06:00

We capped off Connor's flag football season with a trip to Arrowhead to watch the Chiefs. We tailgated with other families from the team and had a great time. Here's a shot of us out tailgating. Unfortunately, the Chiefs didn't fare well in the game, but experiencing the environment in the stadium was fun and we had beautiful weather.

We also hosted a Pampered Chef party for Connor and Kylee's former kindergarten teacher, Miss Mac. Kylee and some of her friends got in on the cooking action and had a great time:

We had a blast!

Halloween

2012-01-01T11:49:00.000-06:00

Halloween 2011 was a crazy, but fun, night. We made a trip around the Square here in Liberty, followed by a spin through Trunk or Treat at LCF (our Church) and then some trick-or-treating around the neighborhood.

Prior to Halloween, we decorated pumpkins for the front porch. The kids had a great time scooping out "the goo" and being creative with their jack-o-lanterns.

Connor was a Chief's football player, Kylee was a gypsy, and Hadley was supposed to be a princess...but the toddler refused to put on her costume on Halloween night. Fortunately, the kids dressed up prior to Halloween to attend Cara's birthday party and Daddy was able to snag some shots of all of them in their costumes:

Daddy also made the rounds at Doniphan, attending Connor and Kylee's Fall Parties. Here is a pic of Kylee's class all dressed up:

The kids made quite a haul on Halloween night. Here they are, taking stock of their goodies:

Sugar rush, anyone? :)

Connor's Flag Football Highlights

2011-12-29T12:50:00.000-06:00

One of the projects on my to-do list for Christmas vacation was to finish up a highlight video of Connor's flag football season. Without further ado, here it is:

A bigger and higher quality version can be downloaded here.

Way to go, Conman! We're proud of you!

Hello, San Diego!

2011-12-16T11:23:00.001-06:00

In early October, we were blessed to be able to take a family vacation to beautiful San Diego. As many of you know, we have fallen in love with DisneyWorld, but decided this time around to vacation in a different spot. This vaca was the perfect mix between going and doing fun things and just relaxing. We tried Vacation Rentals By Owner for our lodging, and ended up in a beachfront condo, which was great. We were able to cook some of our own meals in the condo and have space to just chill out while enjoying a view of Imperial Beach.

We also got to spend some time with family and friends from California while we were on our trip. Grandpa and Grandma McKinney drove down to have dinner with us, and we also enjoyed a visit from Steph, a friend of ours from college days. We drove to Camp Pendleton to see Tim and Dawn and enjoyed seeing a military base. The landscape of the city was beautiful.

We had a great time playing on the beach. Hadley wasn't real sure about the waves, and the water was COLD, but that didn't stop us for enjoying the sand. Connor and Kylee were insistent about going to the beach almost every day, rain or shine. Connor and Brandon played football and the kids spent lots of time looking for shells. It was so much fun!

The view out our door. And baby buns. Couldn't resist!

We could see the Pier from our condo. We walked down to explore one morning.

A big part of our vacation is eating. Trying new places is a highlight. We found a dessert shop that made cupcakes and muffins the size of our heads. Delicious!

We spent some time in historic Old Town, where the kids enjoyed exploring equipment and walking through historic buildings (well, okay, I enjoyed the historic buildings). We found a place where the kids could dip their own candles, which they thought was great fun.

Our first official adventure was to go to Legoland. It was very cool, but probably geared more towards Kylee's age group than Connor or Hadley's age groups. A highlight of the trip was seeing amazing Lego city (New York, Las Vegas) replicas that were on display, along with, of course, the Star Wars movie scenes and characters that were recreated in Lego form. Connor and Kylee both attended Lego "driving school" and had a good time with that. Connor has since declared that when he grows up, he wants to be a Lego designer. Pretty cool, I say.

We couldn't go to San Diego without visiting the incredible San Diego Zoo:

Monkey see, monkey do!

I love this picture because it captures all three kids' personalities. This is outside the polar bear exhibit.

Connor and Kylee got stuffed animals as souvenirs from the Zoo.

Sea World was our last destination. The kids had a great time observing marine life and exploring the park. They had Sesame Street World with rides that Hadley thought was pretty cool. We saw the Sea Lion Show, fed the dolphins (brilliant marketing...hey, folks, want to line up and pay to do routine every day pet care?) and capped off the day with the Shamu Show. It was a blast!

I mock the marketing, but dolphins are one of my favorite animals. ;)

After a busy start to the school year, this was a much-needed break in the routine. We are so grateful to have had this time together as a family!

First Day of School....Finally.

2011-10-19T19:41:00.002-05:00

I just realized I never posted the pictures from Connor and Kylee's first day of school. We start the morning with a picture on the porch. Here are big smiles from our third and first grader!

We then move on to school for another photo op:

Connor's teacher this year is Miss Gleason. He has really enjoyed working with her. Both the kids' grade levels added a 4th class this year, so class sizes are much smaller. This has also created the opportunity for both Connor and Kylee to meet new friends, as many of their friends from last year are now in different classes.

Kylee's teacher is Mrs. Wise. Kylee has really settled into the first grade routine and has enjoyed her new class, too.

We feel blessed to be at a good school with strong teachers. We have our first parent teacher conferences next week, so it will be exciting to hear an update on what our amazing learners have accomplished already this year!

Haddie Lou, too!

2011-10-19T19:32:00.001-05:00

Hadley and I really enjoy our time together at home during the day. She's an independent spirit, much like her brother and sister, and enjoys doing her own thing most of the time. Unlike her brother and sister, however, she will occasionally ask me to do puzzles or build blocks with her. "Mommy, you come and play puzzles with me?" I love it!

Hadley and I have started attending a Kindermusik class one morning a week. It is a 30 minute class that, quite literally, makes Hadley's whole week. She absolutely LOVES playing with the rhythm sticks and shakers ("sticks and eggs", she calls them) and sings songs and dances along with the best of them. She asks about her "music class" several times throughout the week and singing one of the songs from class is sure to bring a huge smile to her face. I am learning to let go of any dignity that I have and just sing and dance with her. It's a good time.

Hadley dabbles in a little of everything...playing with Barbies, puzzles, books, coloring, playing with babies, and "cooking" in her kitchen. She has also developed a significant affinity for "her" iPod and can be found watching videos on it as she moves around the house. She can also be found declaring that she is a "rock star" or a "monster" as she plays. The highlight of her day, however, is when our 12 year old neighbor, Hayley, comes over to play. Hadley loves being with Hayley and Hayley takes excellent care of Hadley when they are together. I couldn't resist sharing these pictures of the afternoon Hayley and her sister, Renae, were riding skateboards and invited Hadley to come along with them. What a riot!

Hayley and Hadley

Renae, Hadley, and Hayley

I treasure every moment with our littlest one.

Our rock star in action (note the baby's sunglasses, too)

It's Football Season

2011-10-19T19:20:00.000-05:00

'Round about August, the men in this house begin celebrating the start of football season. A big part of our football experience is watching Connor play in weekly flag football games. Connor is playing on a team with the same Coach and several of the same teammates from last year, so it is fun to see the team take things to a new level in their second year as a unit. Connor has developed a passion for playing offense and LOVES to run the ball. It has been a blast to watch him. He has also become quite adept at using his speed to position himself to grab flags off the other team's ball carrier when he's on defense.

We love it!

Birthday Party!

2011-10-19T19:16:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile...so let's start with Kylee's birthday party.

Kylee opted to celebrate her 7th birthday with a party at Shear Madness, a local salon that provides haircuts and styling for the littlest folks among us. They offer a birthday package where birthday girls and their guests can get their hair, nails, and makeup done. In addition, each party guest gets to pick out a special outfit to wear during the party and gets to participate in a....wait for it....FASHION SHOW at the end of the party. It was quite an event with a great deal of glitter involved.

Getting nails painted (orange to match the dress)

Waiting for make-up

All finished!

Cousins!

Close view of the masterpiece

Kylee's birthday present from Mom and Dad was getting her ears pierced. She was an absolute champ, and despite a brief moment of uncertainty (captured below just before they pierced her ears), Kylee came through smiling. She has been meticulous about cleaning her new piercings and has loved wearing earrings. In fact, just today, we took out her studs and put in a new pair of earrings (thank you, Grandpa and Grandma Carlson!).

This bag says "Just got my ears pierced!"

Naptime, Mommy Style

2011-09-10T16:00:00.001-05:00

Let me begin this diatribe by sharing that if I had to choose a hobby, it would, hands down, be sleeping.

Before children, I could sleep 12 hours a night and take a 2 hour nap every day. I thought people who called other people before 9:00 am were insane. Connor worked into this routine fairly well, sleeping in late with me, playing for a few hours, eating some lunch, playing some more, and then napping into the early evening (he slept in so late in the mornings because he was often up watching The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in bed with Mommy and Daddy). Then, along came Kylee. She was not content to lay in bed and "chill out" in the mornings. When she was up, she was up. Lazy mornings were over. And of course, when Kylee came along, Connor was dangerously close to giving up his afternoon naps. It was a rough transition for me.

I now consider myself lucky to sleep 8 hours a night, and am reduced to an emotional mess if I consistently get any less than this. My body has adjusted to the mere 8 hours of sleep at night, but I still LOVE naps. Bliss is Sunday afternoons when Brandon is home to herd the children so I can lay down for 2 hours and snooze. I should take a moment and say that one of God's greatest gifts to me was a spouse who doesn't need a lot of sleep. This is (quite literally) one of my favorite things about my husband. He is willing to get up in the mornings and get the kids started on breakfast so that I can catch another 15 minutes of sleep before starting my day. He realizes that this is no small investment in my sanity...and therefore, his also.

Last night, Kylee had some friends over for a sleepover. So, of course, she's been an emotional mess today because she's so tired (I don't know about you, but at our house, a sleepover means up way past bedtime, some sleep, and then eyes popping back open around 7:00 am). Connor decided that he just wasn't tired anymore and woke up at 6:00 am this morning. Hadley, not wanting to be left out, was also up early. Brandon is away at class (more info on that later) all day today, so I was on duty in the early morning, cooking waffles for our slumber party guests. I consoled myself by thinking "Everyone will be so tired...there will be a MANDATORY naptime this afternoon!".

So, at 1:30, I laid Hadley down in her crib. Connor and Kylee, after doing their obligatory whining about having to be banished to their rooms, begrudgingly trudged up the stairs, where I explained that they could play quietly until 2:00, and then were required to make their best attempt at sleeping from 2:00-3:00. At 3:00, if they weren't sleeping, they could get up and play quietly downstairs. They acknowledged understanding of the plan and I gloriously retired to my own bed in eager anticipation of approximately 90 minutes of rest. This is how mandatory naptime went:

1:30-2:00: I enjoyed reading my book.
2:00:I doze off, despite the dog deciding he wants to share the bed with me.
2:24: Tap. Tap. Tap. I roll over to see Kylee staring at me. "Mom, can I get up?" Me: "What time is it?" Kylee: "2:24." Me: "Please go back and lay down until 3:00." She waltzes off.
2:25: I close my eyes again and am beginning to doze.
2:30: I hear thunder.
2:35: Downpour begins. I realize that there are windows open in the house. Ugh. Get up to head to Hadley's room to close window, which of course, squeaks loudly. Try to sneak out of room unnoticed.
2:35 and 10 seconds: Hear Hadley crying.
2:36: Tell Hadley to lay back down. Resign myself to laying on the floor beside her bed.
2:40: Success! Hadley is back asleep. Head back to bed.
2:45: Connor, hearing the thunder, shows up in my room. Hops in bed with me.
2:47: Try dozing again.
3:01: Kylee is beside my bed again. "Mom, can I get up now? My clock says 3:01." Me: "That is fine. Just please go downstairs and play quietly."
3:12: Kylee resurfaces at my bedside with our container of children's Vitamins. She has decided that she really needs to take her Vitamins NOW. "Mom, could you please open the jar for me?". I open the jar and reflect on the amazing sense of humor that God has.
3:15: Connor, hearing Kylee come into the room for the 3rd time, wakes up. I tell him he can go downstairs.
3:20: Forget it. I'm up.

Naptime. Mommy style. Gotta love it.

7 Years

2011-09-09T14:52:00.005-05:00

Kylee has been in eager anticipation of her birthday this year. The other day, she proclaimed "Mom, can you believe you've had me for SEVEN YEARS?" Her comment made me pause and reflect on the time that we've had with Kylee in our lives...and made me feel so very, very blessed.

If you've been following this blog or have been around our family for any length of time, you know that Kylee, or "Miss J" as she is affectionately known around our house, is our child that keeps us laughing....and forever evaluating our parenting skills.

Kylee came into the world late on the evening of September 9, 2006. The midwife announced that she entered the world "sunny side up", meaning that instead of emerging face down (as is the normal birthing position), she came out face up. Brandon and I have often reflected on how perhaps that was an early indication of the personality our daughter possesses.

Kylee is our passionate child. She approaches life with a gusto all her own. She is dramatic, sensitive, driven, intelligent, creative, loving, and imaginative. She gets easily frustrated when she feels like she can't get something right and absolutely hates to disappoint anyone. Kylee challenges us to think about things differently and when she believes in something, there's no stopping her. She is firm and committed.

Kylee keeps us laughing. She is so uniquely her that you can't help but crack up. Be it her jokes ("Why does a dog like living in the Wild, Wild West? Because it's RUFF!"), her latest dance routine, an art project, or just her viewpoint on life (Kylee is participating in Running Club at school and came home reporting that last week at club, she told Mrs. Wise, her teacher, that she looked like a unicorn when she ran. I gulped and got up the nerve to ask "Well, why did you say that?". "Mom, I said that because she looked so beautiful!"), you never quite know what to expect with our middle child.

Kylee is known around our house (and probably, let's face it, outside our house), for her hair. It is strawberry blonde in color and very distinctive. Adding to the distinction is the fact that she has inherited her mother's bedhead, so Kylee descending down the steps in the morning is always a bit of an affair as we observe the creation that is her morning hairstyle. Kylee then insists on correcting her bedhead by "styling" her own hair. This can range from having every barrette we own in her hair, to a ponytail, or, to that classic look where the front of her hair is wet down, brushed, and then the back of her head looks like something a small rodent could live in unnoticed. She has conceded this year and allowed me to attack her with a blowdryer and flatiron on school days, which makes me feel like a better Mom because on days this styling intervention doesn't happen, I worry that someone might wonder if an adult lays eyes on our daughter in the mornings. On weekends, her style comes out in full flair. It's a wonder to behold.

Being Kylee's mom has made me a better person. We do not take the responsibility of raising our daughter to be a Godly woman lightly. Kylee gave her heart to Jesus about a year ago, and reaffirmed her decision this year in VBS. She is passionate about her Faith, and inspires me as I look for ways to encourage her confidence in Christ. I hope and pray that our relationship is one of openness, unconditional love, honesty, and respect for years to come. It is my honor to watch her blossom into the woman that God has created her to be.

Kylee Jordan, I really can't believe that you have been ours for 7 years. I am so thankful that God entrusted you to us.

It is Finished....

2011-08-15T21:00:00.001-05:00

Caden's garden is FINISHED.

Grandpa and Grandma Carlson have been brainstorming with us for months about a bench for the garden. We talked about several different ideas, and then they sent us a picture of this bench....and we knew instantly that it was perfect. The bench was purchased right around Caden's birthday this year.

"Those we have held in our arms for a little while, we hold in our hearts forever."

This year, things bursted in full bloom, filling our yard with bright colors and flowery smells. We can see it directly out our kitchen window and it brings a smile to our faces every time we look at it.

Many friends and family members helped bring Caden's garden to life...we love the garden not only because of what it means to us in remembering Caden, but because of what it symbolizes in terms of those who love and support us...in good times and in bad. We look at each plant and remember who gave it to us....and it warms our hearts every time.

So, once again, thank you, friends and family. We love you!

Happy Birthday, Haddie Lou!

2011-08-15T20:50:00.001-05:00

Apparently, when you're the third child, your birthday pictures don't get posted until almost a month after your birthday. :)

We had a wonderful time celebrating Hadley's 2nd birthday in late July. Family gathered for an Elmo-themed party. We ate a meal, watched Hadley open presents, and chowed down on some amazing cake pops (made by the incredible Trena). We recalled, again, how blessed we are to have Miss Hadley as a part of our world.

I can still easily recall the debate that we had after losing Caden...should we try again, or not? Could we bear the pain of loss one more time? Would we ever be able to be truly experience joy if we didn't try again? Stinging, hurting, but knowing we couldn't live in fear, we took the leap. And we are so very grateful that we did.

To those that ask about our journey, I refer to Hadley as our "healer baby". Our pregnancy with Hadley was filled with uncertainty...and incredible healing. I will never forget the moment she was born...she came out screaming loudly, announcing her arrival in just the way we were praying that she would. After Caden's silent birth, the sound of Hadley's lungs filling with air was the best therapy we could ask for. We held a perfect, healthy, little girl in our arms. It was the culmination of the most difficult 2 years of our lives.

Since that moment, we have truly reveled in every aspect of having Hadley around. We treasure every smile, lavish her with kisses, and still refer to her as "the baby". This off the charts love also comes from Connor and Kylee. The gift of Hadley has restored their souls in a unique and wonderful way, too. We have applauded every landmark, kissed away every tear, and truly treasured every moment with her (even the ones that have meant less sleep for us). We do this not only because of our experience with Caden, but also because we have seen how quickly these years go by. We feel so very blessed. Shortly after Hadley's birthday party, my husband went up into the nursery and transformed the crib into a toddler bed...and I cried. The tears from feeling incredibly blessed to be able to watch our children grow, and incredibly sad...because, well....the crib is gone for the last time. The changing table came down, too. Ouch. In its place went Hadley's pink chair, transforming the space into a reading corner...and the nursery into a toddler's room. We are transitioning out of babyhood. It is bittersweet. I stared at the room thinking of all the memories one has from a nursery....and I anticipate memories to come.

Hadley is her own unique being. I think with the 3rd child, I thought that perhaps she would very closely mirror one of her siblings, especially given that Connor and Kylee are so different in personality. God gifted us with another, totally incredible, individual. Hadley is kind, sure of herself, and very opinionated. She is smart, playful, and will hear NOTHING of not being allowed to keep up with the big kids. She adores Elmo, playing on the iPod (sheesh), chocolate, and shoes. She loves to giggle with Connor and Kylee and has an AWESOME belly laugh. She has a smile that will light up an entire city block, only made cuter by her signature toddler mullet. With each day that passes, we see more and more physical resemblance to Connor, but her personality is all her own. She is almost completely unfamiliar with what it means to not get her way, but at the same time, is incredibly flexible.

Happy Birthday, Haddie Lou. Thank you for being our sunshine that broke through our family's cloud of darkness. God blessed us with an incredible light when He gave us you.

4th of July and Lemonade!

2011-08-01T16:49:00.001-05:00

Our Fourth of July weekend was low key, which was alright by us. We enjoyed lunch at the Blakemore's and then came home to eat dinner and do some fireworks with Aunt Mandy and Uncle Jordan. We roasted marshmallows in the blazing heat and gorged ourselves on S'mores. Heaven! Parachutes, popping thingies, and worms were among the favorites this year. Here are some shots of the action:

Kylee and her friend Braden have talked and schemed for literally months about having a lemonade stand. Braden's mom, Becca, is a good friend of mine, so in an attempt to brighten up a summer day and put an end to the asking, we arranged a time to set up shop. The kids planned to sell muffins and cookies along with their lemonade and set up their table one afternoon. A highlight of this entrepreneurial experience was the kids' kindergarten teacher, Miss Mac, being our first customer. We loved it that she took the opportunity to make a mini-lesson out of having the kids figure out what she could buy with the amount of money that she had!

They actually made quite a killing thanks to good friends and generous strangers who stopped by. This exercise has made me resolve that I will stop next time I see a child's lemonade stand (I believe this is one of Life's Little Instructions, isn't it?):

Summer is winding down...only two weeks until school starts!

Summer Stuff

2011-07-11T08:00:00.003-05:00

Well, here we are almost two weeks into July. Summer is in full swing!

The end of the school year came and went. As it was with Connor, Kylee's last day of Kindergarten was full of emotion and Miss Mac invited families to be a part of the day. We watched the kids play with sidewalk chalk they created and listed as they shared the wisdom they learned in kindergarten (Kylee's sentiment was something about the importance of being kind to the Earth).

Kylee and her sidewalk chalk

Kylee at a "Kindergarten Graduation party" hosted by a friend from her class

It is hard to believe that we will begin next school year with a 1st and 3rd grader. Both kids had a good year in school and really liked their teachers. We pray that they are placed in classes with teachers next year who will continue to nurture them.

Miss McPherson

Mrs. Watson

Summer has been good to us so far. The kids have spent time with both sets of grandparents in Baldwin City and Colorado, played with friends, and enjoyed swimming anywhere and everywhere we can find water. We celebrated Connor's 9th birthday with LaserTag and a sleepover with 5 of his best buds from school (whew!). We celebrated Mother's Day with a picnic in the park and Father's Day found us at Worlds of Fun with the McKinney clan.

Fun in Colorado

Fishing with Grandpa Carlson

Mini golf in CO

Horseback adventures in Colorado

Rocky Mountain National Park

Wild Kids at Connor's birthday!

The big kids played, too!

Fun opening presents

Connor received two big Lego sets from Grandpa and Grandma Carlson and Mom and Dad. He and Daddy worked hard and here are the finished products!

Close up with the masterpiece

On the Carousel at Worlds of Fun with Grandpa and Grandma McKinney (hard to see...look to the left!)

The girls riding the Lady Bugs at Worlds of Fun

Connor "driving" at Worlds of Fun

Hadley has thoroughly enjoyed having brother and sister home during the week (all the more hands to wait on her, right?). We are doing well to get the kids in bed before 10:00 pm and most mornings they are sleeping in until 8:00 am. We are unconcerned with schedules, showering, matching outfits, and nutrition. I am trying not to think about how fast these blissful summer days are flying by.

Chef Hadley

I have been very deliberate about planning things to help occupy the children during the days. Kylee informed someone the other day that her summer had been nothing but boring because she "has to do all the work with Hadley while Connor just plays". Ah, sweet Kylee. I suggested that if summer was so boring, perhaps she'd do better to be in summer school next year. I was hoping that mentioning that would be a bit of a deterrant for her. But, being Kylee, she informed me that she'd think about it. I'm sure she'll let me know what she decides would be best for her.

Work has been busy for Brandon and I, and the kids have been patient with us as we spend time on our computers. My workload will decrease substantially this month, which will be such a blessing.
We are also eagerly anticipating a family trip to Branson and celebrating Miss Hadley's 2nd birthday this month. We will continue to enjoy moving at our own pace and spending time together as a family.

We are soaking up every minute and hope this finds you doing the same!

End of School Fun

2011-07-10T08:00:00.002-05:00

Here are a few pics and a video I thought we would share of end of the year activities that Connor and Kylee participated in. Connor's teacher provided an opportunity for kids to make their own volcanoes, complete with "lava" when they erupted. Connor created a volcano and here are a few snapshots of him as his "erupted"!

The kindergarteners did a great end of year vocal concert...here is our little star in action!

We Miss You, Baby Boy....

2011-06-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

Today is the day. June 30th. Three years ago, we held our precious Caden in our arms for a few hours. We caressed our son's silky hair, touched his soft skin, and kissed his little cheeks. We counted his tiny toes, held his little hands in ours, and covered him in love. We watched, for a brief while, our three children together. It is a day that will be forever etched into our souls.

Our hearts hurt. The kind of hurt that never goes away. But we know that even in times of pain, without a doubt, God is with us. We know we will never understand why we have been led down this path, but we have learned to trust that there is a purpose, and that, somehow, some way, good will come from this journey. There is a hole in our family that will never be filled. Yet, we are filled with hope at the promise of seeing our son again soon and spending eternity alongside him.

Thank you to those of you who have loved Caden right along with us...Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends....we are so grateful for the ways in which you keep Caden's legacy alive. Caden continues to be a big part of our daily lives, with Connor and Kylee being continually insistent that there are four children in our family. We love it that they incorporate Caden into their prayers at night and talk about him regularly. The picture above is a piece that Kylee created at school this year when asked to write about her favorite tree. She chose to write about the Magnolia tree in Caden's garden: "This is my favorite tree because it stands for my baby brother and it is old." Hadley has gone out into the garden a couple times this year and it is incredible to reflect on the significance of her being amongst the flowers and shrubs that celebrate her older brother's memory. Caden is very much with us.

Caden Adair, we miss and love you so much. You have touched us in ways that words cannot express and we are so thankful for the lessons that we have learned as a result of our journey with you. While we will forever wish our journey with you had moved in a different direction, we trust that what we have learned on this path will bless us. We know, even though we can't see you, that you walk with us.

You are forever our little angel.

Look Out, David Beckham!

2011-05-02T19:59:00.000-05:00

As I have mentioned in previous posts, Connor and Kylee have

been playing soccer this spring

on a Liberty Parks and Rec team.

We thought we'd share some

pics of the kids in action.

We have
enjoyed
watching them play!

Home

2011-05-01T22:38:00.003-05:00

A couple weeks ago, I went on my first business trip. ATI hosted the Nurse Educator Summit at a beautiful resort in sunny Orlando, Florida. We anticipated my trip for weeks and recruited Grandpa Carlson to come and help with things on the home front while I was away.

As a busy mother of three young children, I dreamt of exotic things like early bedtimes, relaxing afternoons, uninterrupted toileting and bathtime, not arguing about whose turn it was to pick a restaurant, and being able to watch whatever I wanted on TV when I was away. This was my first trip without either Brandon or the children along since before we were married. I knew I would miss them terribly, but looked forward to some "me" time.

I arrived at the hotel on Tuesday afternoon. This is the view I had out my window. I was looking out over the hotel pool/giant lazy river in front of a beautiful golf course...and, of course, lots and lots of sunshine and palm trees:

It was a great conference with wonderful speakers, educational sessions, and fellowship with colleagues.

What you can't see from the picture above is that I could see Disney's Hollywood Studios themepark out my window as well. As you may know, Disney holds special memories for me. Mom took us in highschool, and Brandon and I went there early in our marriage. We have been with the kids three times, each time symbolic of a new phase of life (first trip for Connor and Kylee, healing after Caden, Hadley's first trip/travelling with family). The magical world holds a special place in my heart. Everytime I glanced out the window, I could think of nothing other than my family....and how badly I missed them. In the evenings, the hotel would play Disney movies on a big screen out by the pool...little ones would sit in their innertubes and bob up and down in the pool while watching the flick. I was homesick.

I held it together through Days 1 and 2. While the scenery was gorgeous, I must say that business travel isn't all it's cracked up to be. I woke up early each morning to work a bit before attending sessions, and days were filled with education, networking, and mediocre food. Nightime found me trying to catch up on work that had accumulated during the day, Skyping with the kids (the highlight), and then falling into bed exhausted. By Day 3, I was nothing short of a mess. One of my colleagues suggested that we go to Downtown Disney for dinner as a fun way to end the trip. As the day went on, I was filled with mixed feelings...it felt somehow wrong to be anywhere even closely related to Disney without my family with me. But, I tried to look at the bright side and went out. I took two steps onto Downtown Disney property and with one look at the huge Disney store, I had a total meltdown. I called Brandon and blubbered on the phone for a few minutes about how much I missed he and the kids...and how ready I was to be back home. He listened patiently, offered some encouragement, and provided me with the Band-Aid that I needed to make it through my last night there. I couldn't believe what a mess I was. I am the woman who fearlessly travelled through Europe for five months in college...and was now reduced to a puddle in front of the Disney store in Orlando, Florida.

It was in that moment that I had a huge realization...that I am nothing apart from the people that I love most in this world. While it is great to have a professional identity, and while I am so blessed to have opportunities such as these, they are meaningless without my family beside me. Uninterrupted toileting and bathing, reading, TV, and sleeping in a bed by myself, while fun for a minute, are over-rated (I can't believe I'm even typing this!). Those little interruptions are woven into the fabric of my being. I'm rather lost without them.

The crowning moment of my trip was not the palm trees nor the sunshine, but rather, seeing my blue minivan pulling up to the curb as I stood outside KCI after my flight back home had landed. I hugged my husband and pulled open the door to find three beautiful faces smiling up at me.

Home feels so very, very good.

Springtime

2011-04-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

Spring is trying to make an appearance here in Liberty, MO...and some days there are more signs than others.

We took a road trip out to Colorado to see Grandpa and Grandma Carlson over spring break. We made the 12 hour drive there and back and the kids were champions. Brandon and I reflected on exactly how road trips were made before the days of iPods, the Nintendo DS, and DVD players! Yikes. If left to rely simply on the alphabet game or I-Spy to occupy everyone, we wouldn't have made it for more than 3 hours without a total meltdown. We were so grateful for the technology that occupied our troops as we drove along I-70 for hours on end.

We arrived in Colorado and were greeted by beautiful weather. The kids had a great time playing outside with Grandpa and Grandma:

Riding with Grandpa on the 4 wheeler

Taking a spin with Daddy in Grandpa's Corvette

Hadley COULD NOT get enough of her friend "Bear"...Grandpa and Grandma's dog, Baron.

We took a field trip to Denver, where we visited Hammond's candy factory, where they still make all their candy by hand. It was neat to take a tour and visit their gift shop:

We also made a stop at the Denver Children's Museum, where the girls had a great time painting and all the kids enjoyed exploring:

The kids have become big fans of "bug park" near Grandpa and Grandma's house, where we spent some time playing:

A photo op before we left:

It was a nice retreat from daily life. We survived the drive back home and enjoyed the rest of the break around the house. We have since launched right back into the craziness that we call our daily routine. It's hard to believe it's been two weeks since we went on this adventure!

Everyday Life

2011-02-24T21:20:00.001-06:00

An update on each of the kids....

Connor is doing well in school and, although it would be his preference to say home, he's enjoying himself in second grade. He has a good group of friends and especially enjoys math and science. Recently, he and another boy in his class wrote their own story and got to read it to the Assistant Principle at his school. He came home on cloud nine. It is rare for him to disclose much of anything to me, but the day he got to read to the AP, well, that was headline news.

His parent teacher conference was student led, meaning that Connor told us what he had been doing in class and how he had improved in each subject area. He has begun writing in cursive, which he's pretty proud of. He's especially good at the letter "G". As a part of their conference, each student wrote a letter to their parents. Connor's teacher told us they were free to write about anything they wanted to. Here's Connor's note to us:

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for letting us go to Disney World and the Great Wolf Lodge. Thank you for buying me cloths. And for fixing me lunch, breakfeast and dinner. and for taking care of me. Thank you for giving me my own olowence. Thanks for buying me stuff like the Wii and my DS. Thank you for folding my cloths for the week and for letting me go to shcool. Thank you for letting me play flag football and soccer. Thank you for planning my birthdays and giving me special privleges. And thank you for letting me be your son.
Your Son,
Connor

I was reduced to tears in the middle of the conference after Connor read these precious words to us. Ms. Groff, Connor's teacher, looked at me and said "I picked you to cry". It is so rare that we get to really see what our children think of us as parents...and this was a great moment. The letter will be framed. On the way home I asked Connor if it embarrassed him that I cried. In his sweet little voice from the backseat he said "Well, Mom...kind of".

And now we have arrived at Kylee. She, too, is doing a great job in school, and it is her life's mission to do EVERYTHING she can to please her teacher, Miss Mac. If Miss Mac says it, it is the gospel truth. She works so hard to get everything just right, and when she is rewarded for her efforts, she is so proud. It's the best. We are so thankful that Miss Mac is such a positive influence in our daughter's world.

She spent the day at home with me yesterday after vomiting early in the morning. In the late morning, she announced that she was "soooooo hungry". I offered her some juice and a popsicle. This was, apparently, not up to par. She requested a piece of toast. I fixed her the toast and she ate it. She then proceeded to lay in our overstuffed chair, repeatedly sighing very loudly. When I asked her what was wrong she said "I'M SOOOO HUNGRY!". I explained to her that she was sick, to which she replied "Mom, I'm NOT sick". So, I let her eat some crackers and drink some milk. Approximately 3 hours later, I regretted giving in to her as she spewed all over our downstairs bathroom. It was like something out of a movie...it just kept coming and coming all over the toilet, walls, and floor. Ugh. Right after she played the role of the human geyser, she looked at me and said "Mom, I just want to go to school". I was so aggravated with the whole thing that I picked that moment, surrounded by vomit in my own bathroom, to say "See, this is why I asked you not to eat anything!". She told Brandon later in the evening that she "thought that staying home all day would be fun, but it just really wasn't". If you can count on anything, it's Kylee's honesty.

In true Kylee J fashion, in the midst of her sick day, she decided to independently raid my make-up drawer and applied everything...eyeshadow, blush, powder, and lipstick. She came down all painted, and, after a couple hours said, "Mom, I need to tell you something. I got into your make-up without asking". I was actually impressed with the job she had done. She is feeling better today and tonight, decided to announce to me at dinner, seemingly out of nowhere, "Mom, I hate to tell you this, and I don't think you're going to like to hear it, but I really wish I didn't look like you. Everyone says I look like you, but I wish I didn't". Nice. I asked her if she'd prefer to look like her Daddy. She didn't comment.

Hadley. What can we say? BUSY. Our baby is a climber. She's everywhere and into everything. Her words have exploded in recent weeks and now she repeats almost everything we say and you can (almost) have a mini-conversation with her. Her passion is our pantry. She begins scrounging through the food in there looking for a "nacky" (snack) around 9:00 am every morning. She goes through Goldfish, Cheeze-Its, Teddy Grahams, whatever she can find. It's endless. She asks for her "milky" (sippy), and also has a passion for her binky. Her other passion in life is shoes. She absolutely adores them. She tries on several throughout the course of a day and insists on wearing shoes, even when she's in her pajamas. We recently splurged and bought her a pair of Sketchers Twinkle Toes that light up. It has been worth every penny to watch her dance just to see them blink.

She continues to adore her big brother and sister, and works hard to keep up with them. She has recently discovered her outside voice, and can often be round walking around the house screaming our names until someone pays attention to her. Once she has your attention, she often just smiles and walks away. She's just proving who's in charge.

I can see the age of two on the horizon....Elmo is the new man in our youngest daughter's world. We have one single Elmo movie that we watch way too many times a day. She LOVES it. She has also started to express her opinion about which books we read to her at naptime and bedtime....Moo, Baa, La, La, La, Little Hoot, Little Kitten, and an Elmo book are favorites. It is so neat to watch her personality emerge. 19 months old this week. Holy cow.

We have signed both Connor and Kylee up for soccer and that will start here in the next week. This will be our first "go" at juggling an activity for both kids at the same time. It will add to the joyful chaos.

There are times that I think my head is going to explode from all the noise in our house...but I've gotten to the place where I can just marvel at it instead of being frustrated by it. It's great to be here. Even if my daughter doesn't want to look like me. :)

Winter Montage

2011-02-05T19:55:00.002-06:00

To sum up life in a short statement, let's just say: We've had ONE full week of school since before Christmas.

Mother Nature has thrown snow, ice, sleet, and below zero wind-chills our direction almost non-stop. We've had snow day after snow day over the course of the last few weeks, which is fun for awhile...but on day 3 in week 3, the party is over and it's time to go back to school. With an early dismissal on Monday, we found ourselves enjoying life on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then on Thursday, it was all hands on deck to try to prevent World War III. Connor and Kylee were nitpicking at each other, Kylee was fed up with Hadley, and I was fed up with all of it. We were relieved to hear school was back in session on Friday.

But, to back up a little bit....

In early January, we had the opportunity to participate in a service project that involved packing food for an organization called Numana, who provides sealed bags of rice and beans to families in Haiti. One bag serves 5 people. The kids were able to dive in and help in the assembly line, which was really cool. It was also neat to have such a tangible, measurable example how much even the smallest amount of food means to those who are hungry. Below are pictures of Connor catching rice in the baggies and Kylee "patting down" the filled bags so that they could be boxed up for delivery.

With snow has come some outdoor play. The kids had a great time sledding down the hill in our back yard with the first major snowfall. With this most recent snow, Connor and Kylee created a "snow family" in our front yard. Below is a picture of the whole family, including mom, brother, sister, and the dog, followed by a close-up of brother and sister. I am told there wasn't enough snow to make dad or a baby.

The kids had one day of school last week and on that day, had the highly-anticipated "100th Day of School" kindergarten celebration. Kylee's class spent the day focusing on the number 100, and each classmate contributed their own unique collection of 100 items to tell about (Kylee was insistent on bringing popcorn kernels...I was thankful she was opting for something cheap). Parents were invited to join in the fun. Below are pics from the celebration, highlighting the 100 Day hats and the 100 Fruit Loops/Cheerios necklaces that the kids each created:

We hear that more snow is headed our way this weekend, but are optimistic that it won't be as much as we've had over the previous few weeks. In the midst of all of it, we feel blessed to have food in the pantry and warm beds to sleep in at night. And the kids are especially grateful for the bounty of hot chocolate that has been available in our house. :)

Christmas Has Come and Gone...

2011-01-07T21:55:00.000-06:00

Our Christmas was filled with food, family, pajamas, and presents. How much better could it have been?

We entered into Christmas with the kids' holiday parties at school. I had volunteered to coordinate the party for Kylee's class, so Brandon took the afternoon off work to help with Hadley and so one of us could attend Connor's party. As you can see in the pictures, Hadley fit right into the mix in both classrooms. :)

The kids really enjoyed the break from school. Connor, especially, was a little burnt out and ready for a break. We spent a fair amount of time in our jammies over the break, and the kids were excited to have more TV and Wii time than normal. We played Rock Band and Mario Kart together and just relaxed. It was wonderful.

Christmas Eve found us at the KC Rep, where we took in their production of A Christmas Carol. It was amazing. Connor, Kylee, and I attended along with Uncle Craig, Aunt Sarah, and cousins Cara and Collin. The kids were all real troopers and the message of the play was a great one to start the holiday out with.

Christmas Eve we spent time with the Haneke/McKinney clan and we tackled our first REAL traditional holiday meal since Grandpa and Grandma have been gone. Brandon and I read up on how to fix a bird and Brandon took charge of that project. The meat was DELICIOUS and the side dishes brought by Sarah and Mandy rounded out the meal perfectly. We enjoyed dinner together as a family, eaten on Grandma's Christmas china with Mom's silverware, and had a nice evening.

Connor has figured out the secret behind Santa, but Kylee is still full-throttle into it, so she was so excited to put out cookies and milk for Santa. This year, she put a sign next to the plate so the big man in red was sure to find his snack.

I thought it was precious. A part of her ritual is to prop the fireplace glass open so Santa can get through. :)

We tucked three very tired kids in bed on Christmas Eve. Connor was back up at 1:00 am, asking if it was time to open presents. Daddy tucked him back in, and then everyone slept until about 6:45 am. Connor and Kylee came into our room, rearing to go...we were able to talk them into laying in bed with us until about 7:15. We got up and Christmas morning began. Hadley was still sleeping soundly in her crib until around 8:15. The big kids had came, destroyed, and were playing with their new toys before she even awoke. :)

Santa brought Connor and Kylee beanbags this year:

Big smiles:

On Christmas afternoon, we left Liberty and boarded an airplane for Colorado, where we celebrated Christmas with the Carlsons. We were grateful to arrive there in one piece (and without being groped at airport security). Hadley was a champ on the plane, keeping Mommy really busy all through the flight, and then sacking out as we taxied to the jetway after landing. Of course.

We had a great time in Colorado, hosted by Grandpa and Grandma Carlson and with cousins Drew, Amy, and Beth and Aunt Mary and Uncle Justin. The weather while we were there was actually quite mild. The kids took turns riding the 4 wheeler with Grandpa Carlson and we enjoyed more good food, playing games, and spending time together at Grandpa and Grandma's house. This was Hadley's first visit to Grandpa and Grandma's, and she just slid right into it like she'd been there a thousand times before. It was great!

We came home tired, but very happy. We spent New Year's at the Blakemore farm in Kearney and then celebrated Christmas on January 2nd with McKinney family at Aunt Sarah's house, where we inherited, among many things, a Venus Fly Trap (pics to come). It was a great note to end the season on.

The kids went back to school on Tuesday of this week and it has been a bit of a rough adjustment for all of us. I feel as if Kylee, in particular, is experiencing kindergarten re-entry all over again, as she has been really whiny and quick to melt down since going back to school, which has made things interesting on the home front. Hadley has been a bit lost without brother and sister in the house. Today while I was changing linens on our beds, she busied herself by throwing some of Kylee's bracelets in the toilet (does it say something about our stage of life when I admit that one of the blessings in my day was that the toilet water was "clean" when I had to fish the bracelets out?). Our 17 month old tornado was quite proud of her work.

It's been a long week and we're grateful that the weekend is here.

We hope 2011 finds you happy, healthy, and blessed.

The Holiday Season

2010-12-03T14:37:00.001-06:00

Our holiday season got off to a good start with a wonderful Thanksgiving. We enjoyed good food, fellowship with family, and were able to put up our own Christmas decorations here at home while the weather was almost warm outside! We deemed the weekend a success.

As we were driving down the highway towards our Thanksgiving celebration, I had a moment of real sadness. It seems that on most notable occasions, moments like this hit me. It's the moment where I realize, all over again, that many people that have played an instrumental role in my life and in my holiday celebrations...my Mom, my Grandma, my Grandpa...are no longer here. It's tough. Then, the pit in my stomach grows a bit deeper as I realize that we'll never truly get to spend the holidays as an ENTIRE family...because our Caden isn't with us. This year, I tried to console myself by picturing my baby up in heaven with my family members who are there. I could really see Caden in the midst of so many loving faces and arms. But down here, our minivan seems a little emptier than it should be.

Caden would have been two and a half this Christmas. At that stage where he would just be grasping the excitement of unwrapping a present...and would then be more preoccupied with playing with the paper than what was in the gift bag. He would have worn footie pajamas on Christmas Eve, and would probably have a bulky diaper butt as he ran from room to room with excitement. His little red hair might have stuck up slightly on Christmas morning. I picture Connor helping him put together whatever Santa left under the tree and the two of them laying on the family room floor playing together. There is not one day that we don't wish he was here with us. Not one.

As you, who are faithful readers of this blog, know, my heart goes out to those for whom the holidays aren't filled with happiness. Those who are hurting because they are celebrating the holidays without someone that they love...either for the first time or the twentieth. There are families who have experienced miscarriages and are spending the holidays trying to accept the reality of a dream ending. There are families who have been diagnosed with terminally ill babies, who grapple with the fact that this Christmas will be the only one they get to spend with their soon-to-be angel. There are families trying to establish a new normal without a parent, grandparent, cousin, aunt, uncle, or close friend. I ask that you join me in prayer for those people and families who so desperately need to feel the comfort and peace that only Jesus can bring them.

As for me, I am overwhelmed by the blessings that abound in my world. Good health, a warm home, food in the pantry, and a loving family. Friends that most people search a lifetime for, and a husband that I still can't believe chose me. The pitter patter of feet in my house, a 16 month old vocabulary to listen to, a 6 year old that will change the world and make it a better place, an 8 year old with a heart of gold and an inquistive mind, and yes, even the dog, who despite his own neurotic tendencies, is a part of the family, too.

Most importantly, I am blessed to have a Savior who loves me...even when I struggle and ask, for the millionth time, why I can't spend Christmas with my baby. A Savior who, despite all the tears and heartache, has given me more than a girl could ever ask for.

Keeping the Tooth Fairy in Business

2010-11-22T18:47:00.001-06:00

Kylee came to my side of the bed early one recent Saturday morning with an urgent report....her tooth was hurting. Being the morning person that I am, I mumbled something about getting a drink and then seeing if it felt better. She disappeared for approximately 2 seconds and was back at my bedside again.

"Mom! My tooth fell OUT!" She stood next to me. And then, being Kylee, she followed that with "I tried to carry it in here but I dropped it!". She has her Daddy's grace. I love it.

I took a moment and then rolled over and poked Brandon (who would remain asleep in the presence of a brass band). "Honey, our baby lost her tooth!". I later realized that maybe those weren't the best words as my husband woke up and tried to understand why in the heck Hadley would have lost a tooth.

As I said those words, I realized that I was in no way, shape, or form prepared for this. With Connor, the tooth had dangled precariously for days as we eagerly anticipated his first visit from the tooth fairy. I hadn't thought it through with Kylee. Our second child is at the stage of life where her baby teeth will fall out. Whoa.

I crawled out of bed and thankfully, was able to find the tooth right next to our bed. I invited Kylee to crawl into bed and cuddle with us for awhile, which she did, quite happily. It was great.

That night, Kylee placed her tooth under her pillow. The tooth fairy came and went.

Mission accomplished.

Just one week later, Kylee came home from school reporting that her other bottom front tooth was hurting. I looked at it and it was hanging by a thread.

I will tell you that even though I'm a nurse, there are some things that totally gross me out. Toenails and teeth fall into that category. The neighbor girls we walk home from the bus stop with told us in great detail what the best way to pull out a tooth is. My stomach turned, but I could tell that Kylee's mouth really was hurting, so I took the plunge and asked her if I could pull it out. It must have really been hurting, because she said yes. I was sweating at the prospect of yanking on a tooth. Two twists later (I followed the neighbor girls' instructions), I had the tooth out of Kylee's mouth. I felt quite triumphant and she was happy.

About two hours after pulling her tooth, Kylee was at work in the bathroom, furiously scrubbing the tooth with her toothbrush. As I saw her, I thought "it isn't going to be long until she loses that tooth down the drain". Sure enough, a second later, she yelled "Mom! My tooth is LOST in my toothbrush!". I inspected the toothbrush. No tooth. I recovered the tooth on the bathroom rug. Whew.

I asked her why she was scrubbing her tooth. She replied that the neighbor girl had told her that if she brushed the tooth, the tooth fairy would leave her $20 instead of just $1. I quickly squashed that dream by suggesting to her that it was better to leave a dirty tooth than to risk washing a clean tooth down the drain in the process of brushing it.

It's always an adventure.

All Kylee wants for Christmas is her two front teeth. :)

And an American Girl doll.

Happy Haunting

2010-11-21T15:47:00.005-06:00

And now, coming to your screen...pictures of the Carlson goblins...Halloween 2010:

Connor chose to dress up as Snake Eyes from GI Joe. When he selected his costume (not at ALL influenced by the fact that it came with a sword and a set of two little daggers, I am sure), I suggested that maybe people wouldn't know who Snake Eyes was, both he and my husband looked at me like I had sprouted two heads right there in the aisle at Target. Silly me.

Kylee wanted to be Padme Amidala from Star Wars. I was a bit surprised when she chose this over a pink, glittery costume...but the minute she laid eyes on it, she knew exactly what she wanted (not unusual for our girl). I suspect the reason she chose this was because she knew it would be exciting for her Daddy, a huge Star Wars fan.

Hadley gave our Winnie the Pooh costume one last Halloween romp. Connor wore this same costume on his 2nd Halloween:

Photo opportunities with all of our kids looking decent are hard to come by (mostly due to the wandering tendencies of the littlest one). This is the best pic of the three of them that we captured:

It has become a Halloween tradition to trick or treat with our friends the Chases and the Blakemores. Here are Connor and Kylee and the Chase kiddos gathered up ready to go trick-or-treating around the Liberty Square:

Hadley was quite a riot this Halloween. She was insistent that she be let out of the stroller to join in the fun with the older kids. It didn't take her long to figure out that if she brought her bucket up to people, they would throw candy in it. It took her just one time of seeing candy land in her pumpkin to make this magical connection. She was off like a shot after that:

As I post, we anticipate the celebration of Thanksgiving this week. Enjoy your holiday...we are thankful for your love, support, and friendship!

Apparently, I Have No Schema

2010-11-09T18:35:00.000-06:00

...Cross-posted at BJC's Blog...

First, let's explore what 'schema' actually means:

–noun, plural sche·ma·ta
[skee-muh-tuh or, sometimes, skee-mah-tuh, ski-] sche·mas.
1. a diagram, plan, or scheme.
2. an underlying organizational pattern or structure; conceptual framework.
3. (in Kantian epistemology) a concept, similar to a universal but limited to phenomenal knowledge, by which an object of knowledge or an idea of pure reason may be apprehended.

Or, in Kindergarten terms, it's your ability to understand or remember something.

Now, let's roll back a few days. Kylee wasn't in a particularly supper-friendly mood. We let her get up from the table with the understanding that when she got hungry later, she had to come back and eat some more of her main course before she can have anything else (including dessert). That sort of agreement is never a problem when it is made, but later, well, it doesn't usually go so well.

Anyway, the bargain was struck and she left the table. Sure enough, an hour or so later, Kylee told me that she was hungry. The conversation went something like this:

     "Dad, I'm huuuuuungry!"
     "Okay, go grab your plate from the fridge and help yourself."
She busied herself with a nibble or two.
     "I ate my dinner. Can I have something else now?"
     "How many bites did you eat?"
She thought for a second, adding up the nibbles. "Two."
     "Eat a couple more bites -- BIG bites -- and then you can get something else."
     "But you said I only needed to eat two bites!"
     "No, I never said how many bites you needed to eat. I just said you'd have to have more of your supper before eating something else."

Now the volume ratcheted up. "But Daaaaaaad, you said I only had to eat two bites!"
     "I don't recall every saying that."
     "Yes, you diiiiiid!"
     "No, I did not. I just said you had to eat more of your supper. I never said how many bites you had to eat."
Then she dropped the bomb. "Daaaaaaad, you don't have any schema!"

It was at this point that I impressed even myself. If you know Kylee, you know that she hates it when people laugh at her (unless she's telling a joke, which is a topic for a whole different blog post). I mean really, really hates it. Even if it's a genuine amused/approving chuckle, she feels embarrassed and scolds the offending chuckler in no uncertain terms about how IT'S NOT FUNNY, and usually storms off in a huff to underscore just how UNFUNNY it is.

So, there I was, arguing with her about how many bites of supper she needed to finish, and she whips out this new word, schema. Of course, I had no idea what she was talking about, but I didn't even crack a smile...

     "What?"
     "You don't have any schema!"
     "What do you mean by that?"
     "You said two bites, you don't have any schema!"

...don't smile...not even a little bit...keep face studiously neutral...

     "Kylee, I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you mean by schema. Can you explain it to me?"
     ***SIGH*** "It means you don't remember what you already said."

Ah-hah! I hadn't forgotten what I had said earlier, of course, but that's irrelevant. We finally resolved the issue and went on with the evening, but it made for a good story to Mommy later that night. A day or two after that, Lindsey overheard Kylee accusing Connor of not having any schema, either, because he apparently didn't remember the *ahem* rules of the game they were playing (which she was making up on the fly, I'm sure). Lindsey commented that it was really no surprise that it was all the males of the family who didn't have any schema. I couldn't really argue.

Anyway, Kylee's teacher, Miss Mac, would be proud to know that at least one of her pupils has firmly grasped the concept of schema, and is applying it regularly to daily life.

Also, if I ever forget anything from now on, my excuse will be that it's not my fault, I simply don't have any schema.

The world would be so much more dull if it wasn't for six year old girls.

Fall Festivities

2010-11-03T13:47:00.001-05:00

The kids had a great time getting ready for Halloween. They were chanting at me the minute we flipped the calendar to October about getting the Halloween decorations up. I love their enthusiasm for the seasons.

The fun continued with Fall Parties for Connor and Kylee at school. The kids get to bring their costumes to school (Connor was Snake Eyes from GI Joe and Kylee was Padme Amidala from Star Wars) and participate in a costume parade followed by fun activities in their classrooms. This was the first year that I had to split my time between two classrooms, so it was a crazy 20 minutes, but I was able to spend some time with both kids during their parties.

At the craft station

Sorting through the loot!

Our two school kids in the hallway

Playing "fill the bucket with candy corn"

Friends!

We love Miss Mac!

We also got to carve and decorate pumpkins as a family. The kids had fun digging out all the "gooey stuff":

Hadley LOVES puppies....and Kit Kats, as you can tell by the chocolate on her face.

It Isn't Fall Without Football

2010-11-03T13:28:00.001-05:00

My husband starts anticipating the start of football season just after the Super Bowl each year. In his opinion, basketball and baseball are mere filler until the REAL MEN start playing the REAL SPORT. Football fever runs rampant amongst the men in this house (and, I, too, admittedly enjoy catching the occasional game). Connor has been looking forward to playing football someday. This year, we signed him up for a Liberty Parks and Rec flag football team. He had a BLAST!

When signing up for the first time, you go potluck in terms of a team. Boys are assigned to teams based on their age and grade in school. We struck GOLD when we landed on the Green Bay Packers, coached by two Dads who worked throughout the season to teach the team basics of the sport. Coach Jason had even created playbooks for each player and taught the boys how to follow plays throughout the game. With practices on Thursday evenings and games each Saturday throughout September and October, we all really enjoyed cheering our favorite player on from the sidelines.

Connor did very well. He quickly emerged as one of the faster players on the team and scored several touchdowns throughout the season. Each week, players were given the opportunity to try a different position on the field on both offense and defense. He was eventually placed at wide receiver and cornerback. The team learned some valuable lessons and while the overall record had more losses than wins, the season ended with a sound victory. We are already looking forward to next season!

I Hope That's Not Toxic....

2010-10-20T14:52:00.000-05:00

So, the title of this blog comes about because this phrase is in my thoughts MULTIPLE times a day as I am at home with our now almost 15 month old, Hadley.

I had forgotten how, when you have a baby this age (and yes, folks, she IS still a baby), you have to calculate the satisfaction of actually completing some sort of task (folding laundry, loading the dishwasher, checking e-mail, taking a shower) versus the destruction that you will be responsible for picking up as the little one in your life entertains herself while you are completing the aforementioned task.

Hadley learns more about her world by tasting it. Most everything she touches goes directly into her mouth...not to be swallowed, but to be licked as she tastes it and tries to decide if it's actually worth eating. The good news: I don't worry much about her choking. The bad news: As she investigates the world around her, I fear that she will ingest something that she shouldn't.

Take this morning, for example...as I was in the shower, Hadley sorted through our bathroom cabinets. She has a special affinity for Brandon's cologne bottle. At one point, I gazed out through the shower door to see her sucking on the cologne spray nozzle. She then moved on to my hairspray bottle. I caught her before she could remove the top off of that. While I was getting dressed after my shower, she dumped an entire bin of my toiletries on the floor, whined because she wanted some lotion...so we applied some lotion together, I quickly picked up the toiletries, and we were off and running. As we were going downstairs, I noted that she had hauled out a few of her favorite playthings from Kylee's room...so I picked those up and then saw that she had also spread her board books from her own room here, there, and everywhere...so those got picked up, too. All the price for taking a shower.

In the meantime, Hadley had made it downstairs. She dumped out a baggie of Play-Dough supplies, got into the tupperware cabinet...I caught her just before she dove into the cabinet with the cleaning supplies in it. It is not uncommon for me, at some point in our daily routine, to catch her licking a dog toy. It's life as we know it.

I realized, as I was handing our daughter a Twix candy bar from the Halloween bowl at 10:00 am just to busy her long enough for me to check my e-mail, that I feel like a member of a movie crew....the one who is responsible for resetting the stage 200 times a day so that the shoot can continue on. Then, I also envisioned myself receiving the "mother of the year" award for feeding my little one chocolate before noon.

I had forgotten that in this stage of childhood, it truly is a MAJOR accomplishment to keep a child safe and focused on the non-toxic items in the house. Is it a good thing that I determine how I do things using the question "Is what she's licking going to hurt her, or if it's not toxic and I let her keep licking it, will it occupy her for long enough that I can fold this load of laundry?"

Happy Birthday, Kylee J!

2010-09-26T18:14:00.003-05:00

On September 9th, we celebrated our oldest daughter's 6th birthday. Kylee was blessed to have multiple celebrations with friends and family. She ate it up! Just like with most everything else she does, Kylee embraced her birthday with gusto, enjoying every moment of being surrounded by those she loves.

Grandma Carlson came for an early birthday celebration and brought with her birthday treasures from she and Grandpa Carlson. Grandpa and Grandma gave Kylee a fuzzy robe with her name on it and a very cool magic set, which both she and Connor have enjoyed performing "tricks". Grandma also treated us to a special birthday dinner at Red Robin. Kylee was very adamant that she did NOT want anyone to sing Happy Birthday to her under ANY circumstance. We forgot to pass this memo along to the waitstaff at Red Robin, who not only sang to her, but rigged up a special balloon headpiece for Kylee that they had her wear while they sang. We all watched, waiting for the meltdown, but Kylee persevered. Maybe the prospect of the hot fudge Sunday with lots of whipped cream was worth the humiliation.

Part of our family birthday ritual is allowing the birthday kid (or adult) to pick wherever they would like to eat on their birthday. Kylee chose blueberry muffins for her birthday breakfast and Taco Bell for her birthday dinner. As a part of this celebration, Kylee opened a Nintendo DS and a couple games from Daddy, Mommy, Connor, and Hadley.

Kylee also got to celebrate with other family and friends. Grandpa and Grandma Lori, Aunt Sarah, and Great Grandpa and Granny McKinney came for a party. Great Grandpa and Granny were here all the way from California! Aunt Sarah gave Kylee a ladybug pillow pet, which was number one on Kylee's birthday list. We must confess that we do not miss her frequent pre-birthday reminders about the pillow pet being the ultimate gift: "Mom and Dad, you know I REALLY want a ladybug pillow pet, right?" Thanks, Aunt Sarah!

Along with our biological family, we also got to celebrate with the group of kids that our kids have grown up playing with. Hailey, Claire, Spencer, Georgia, and Lizzy, along with their parents, have been adopted into our family circle. It isn't a birthday without them and we are so grateful that they have been on hand to celebrate ALL our kids' milestones throughout the years.

We ended the birthday madness with a trip to Build-A-Bear workshop, where Kylee celebrated with her friends from preschool. All the girls got to pick out a stuffed animal and go through the process of stuffing and accessorizing their new friend. We ended with birthday cake and some playtime at Zona Rosa. It was a blast!

The girls with their special creations

The "silly pose" in the play area.


Make a Wish!

It was so much fun to celebrate with Kylee. She brings so much color to our world each and every day. Her passion for life, friends, and laughter is a true inspiration to us. The way that she views the world is unique and insightful and the unabashed joy that she does everything with is such a blessing. Her persistence, intelligence, and zest for life is something that we are so grateful for. We love you, Miss J!

First Day of School

2010-09-13T10:01:00.000-05:00

I am running a bit behind with the blogging lately...one might think that with the two older kids back in school I would have more time to do these sorts of things...but at the same time the older two went back to school, our littlest one started walking (as you may have seen in our earlier post), and therefore, time to sit at the computer and blog has all but disappeared in an effort to keep Hadley from ingesting things like dishwasher soap packets (a treasure she discovered last week under the kitchen sink).

It is hard to believe that the first day of school was almost a month ago. Connor and Kylee have both had a great start to their school year. Both were excited about who they got for their teacher (Connor got Ms. Groff and Kylee has Ms. McPherson). There are familiar faces in both of their classes, which helped ease the transition. Both kids were ready to start back to school after a summer filled with adventure.

Here are both the kids in the beloved "first day of school pictures on the porch" poses. Connor wasn't interested in a new outfit for school ("I don't really care, Mom"), and Kylee chose a cute little outfit from the Gymboree outlet. However, the main event of this ensemble are her shoes. After months of watching commercials, we purchased a pair of Sketchers Twinkle Toes shoes. These are the holy grail of tennis shoes if you are a girl between the ages of 5 and 10.

From the porch, our first day of school ritual has come to include frantically jumping into the van (we never leave quite when we plan to) and racing to Alexander Doniphan. Connor didn't need us to to walk him into his classroom (that would have been totally uncool), so we snagged a picture of him outside his classroom with his teacher, Ms. Groff (We have now entered the realm of our child's teacher being younger than we are. Now I know how parents of my college students at William Jewell feel when they see how young I am!). We walked Kylee into her classroom and watched her put her things in her cubby. She was a pro with the routine after being in Miss Mac's class for summer school.

The walk back out to the van is always quiet. We move through the halls of the school and Brandon watches me closely, trying to discern if it's better to offer comforting words or just leave me alone as I struggle to hold the tears back. This year, I found that my emotions stemmed not from sadness, but from feeling so blessed to have three great kids who are healthy and eager to learn. Getting to spend time with them over the summer allowed us to create some wonderful memories together that I will hold onto as the years fly by. Reflecting on these memories warmed my heart as the doors to the school closed behind us.

And, of course, God gave us this little angel, too:

Brandon's going to need a wheelbarrow to haul me out when it's Hadley's turn at Alexander Doniphan...

And Now For Her Latest Trick...

2010-09-04T10:34:00.002-05:00

And yes, everyone knows that "ball" is another word for "balloon"!

Goodbye, Summer....

2010-08-20T15:04:00.021-05:00

We left off with a post in honor of Miss Hadley's 12 MONTH birthday celebration (Side note: I have semi-jokingly made a rule here in our house that we will be counting Hadley's age in months for as long as we are capable of doing the math....saying we have a 1 YEAR old makes it sound like our baby is growing up way too fast!). I wanted to share some pics of Hadley's special celebration, of which she actually had two. We felt so blessed by all those who joined us in wishing Hadley a very happy birthday.

I love this picture of Hadley with her cake. This expression on her face is very characteristic of her when she is evaluating a situation (as in, why in the heck are all these people singing to me?). She's serious, a bit hesitant, and happy all at the same time.

Hadley is pretty matter of fact in her approach to things. She wasn't at all hesitant to dive into eating her cake, but also didn't make a huge mess. She was somewhat methodical in tearing it apart. Too cute!

Opening presents with Daddy. I imagine in this picture she's thinking something like "Can I eat that paper?"

Hadley's birthday gift from us is a telling commentary on being the third baby in the house. There isn't a blessed thing that this child needs...almost all of what she has are hand-me-downs and suit her basic needs just fine. So, when we looked at what we should give her for her birthday, the few ideas we had were impractical. Thus, the pink wingback chair from Target. I felt guilty about this purchase until we saw how much she LOVED it. It's ridiculous...and totally adorable.

The big kids love the chair, too. :) Connor and Kylee were so excited to help their sister celebrate.

Shortly after Hadley's birthday celebrations, we took off for a two night stay at the Great Wolf Lodge. This was our second journey to the lodge, and the kids enjoyed it a lot more this time around (with our kids the second time generally goes much smoother than the first). It was part of our effort to soak up what was left summer.

Connor and Kylee had bunk beds in the "Wolf Den". They thought it was pretty cool.

Kylee and Connor both tried going down slides by themselves for the first time and they had a BLAST. It was great to watch them!

Hadley soaking up the sun.

A few days before school started, we took the kids to Kaleidoscope down at Crown Center, where they got to complete various art projects. The art sessions are sponsored by Hallmark and are FREE!

It has been a great summer, and although we are sorry to see it go, it feels good to anticipate a new school year. With both the older two at Doniphan, Hadley and I will be holding down the fort here at home. My, how the years fly by!

Haddie Lou, How We Love You!

2010-07-21T09:48:00.011-05:00

One year ago today, at this precise moment, the contractions were kicking in.

We had an early start to our morning, getting up around 5:30 am to get everyone up and loaded into the Durango for the trip to St. Luke's South for our 7:00 am induction. As is typical at our house, Brandon got up and showered first, then came to rouse me. I had slept remarkably well considering what the day would bring. I showered and did my hair (the logic of that escapes me...it's like styling your hair prior to going out to run a marathon), and Brandon woke Connor and Kylee up. We greeted them with "today's the day we get to meet Hadley!". The energy in our home was full of anticipation and excitement.

We loaded up the car and headed to Panera to grab a quick breakfast. As we drove down I-435, I tried to be especially conscious of Hadley inside me. I wanted to be aware because the last few moments of your life you spend pregnant should be carefully observed, I felt.

We pulled into the St. Luke's parking lot right at 7:00 am. It was great to be back there. We have celebrated all of the births in our family at that hospital...the place holds incredible memories for us. We stopped to take a picture in front of the birthing center entrance. I was careful to take it all in...after our last experience with childbirth, we wanted to soak up each and every moment of this one in an especially conscious way. Also adding to the significance of the day was the fact that it was my Grandpa Haneke's birthday, too. We were going to get to honor him by having a baby that would share his birthday.

We rode up to Labor and Delivery in the elevator. "We're here for an induction!" we told the secretary. We signed in and were escorted back to our room. We had a HUGE room. The view out our window overlooked the Overland Park landscape...we could see Target! :) The sun was peeking through the clouds...it was going to be a typical July day.

I changed into my gown and we got Connor and Kylee dressed. They were excited to be with us...and asked repeatedly when they would get to meet Hadley. It was so much fun.

Shortly after 7:30, my nurse, Jessica, came in to meet us. She started my IV, drew my blood, and got me all hooked up to the monitor. We listened to Hadley's heartbeat...a sound that never got old. I was so thankful that this time, there would be no question as to whether or not we wanted our baby monitored throughout the labor process.

At 8:00, our beloved nurse midwife, Jeane, came to see us. My sister Sarah came and picked the kids up. Jeane broke my water (which I feel like is equivalent to firing a pistol at the start of a race...an "and we're off!" sort of thing) and checked me. I was dilated to a "1". The Pitocin was started.

By about 10:30, contractions were coming regularly. I have a bad habit of waiting too long for my epidural, making the whole process much more miserable than it needs to be. This time, both Brandon and Jeane were insistent that I get my epidural sooner rather than later (they could insist since they were the ones that had to bear the brunt of me in previous labors when I got the epidural while experiencing painful contractions, feeling like I wanted to barf in later stages of the labor process). I thought I could wait a little while longer, but conceded. It was a smart move. Epidurals help my body relax and do its job better.

Around 10:45, the epidural process started. It was a nightmare. I had a death grip on Brandon the whole time, with sweat pouring down my face and tears following the drops of sweat very closely. THAT was the worse pain I felt in labor...like lightening bolts travelling throughout my body as they attempted to place the catheter in my back. It is amazing my husband has any chest hair left.

After the second attempt, Jeane asked the supervising physician to give it a try (in a very kind, but no-nonsense sort of way). The epidural was in before I knew it. Ah, sweet relief. Jeane checked me and I was about a "4".

Jeane went and grabbed she and Brandon some lunch (along with being the best midwife ever, she is also a close friend). They ate lunch and we watched old episodes of Family Ties. I dozed in and out of slumber, blissfully ignorant of the contractions that I was having. Jeane sat right beside me, watching the monitor closely. She had scheduled our induction on her day off so she could devote herself fully to us. She knew that emotions would be running high and wanted to do everything she could to make it a beautiful and positive birth experience....and for me, a large part of that was having her right there. We are so grateful for her dedication and service to us.

Around 2:30 pm, Jeane's eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the monitor. She looked at me and said "Are you feeling any pressure?" "I think so," I replied.

She checked me and said "That's because you're ready to have a baby! She's right here!"

Brandon called our family.

Jeane had recently joined a new practice and had to have her deliveries supervised by a physician as a part of her orientation. The physician was paged and we waited for her arrival. At a couple points during the wait, Jeane noticed Hadley's heart rate dropping a bit. She said "We're not waiting....it's time to have this baby". Thankfully, the Doctor arrived right then. Brandon gave me a kiss and then moved closer to the end of the bed. He was going to help Jeane deliver Hadley.

I pushed. In between contractions, and thanks to my epidural, I reflected on how grateful I was to get to relive this moment. This is the moment that I had most wanted to experience again after Caden...anticipating the birth of a healthy baby. I felt so blessed to get to be doing it. We had made it to this moment and Hadley was going to be placed in our arms soon. I wanted to freeze that moment in time, having a special awareness of what it meant and what a blessing getting to anticipate a healthy baby is, but also couldn't wait to meet our little girl.

We worked for about 15 minutes. At 3:18 pm, Brandon helped bring Hadley into the world and then cut her cord. She came out without a fight, announcing her arrival with a beautiful cry. Not a sad, baby kitten sort of cry that babies have when they still have a bit of fluid in their lungs...a robust, full, "I'm here and I'm mad!" cry. It was the greatest sound in the world.

I wept.

We examined her from head to toe. All 6 pounds, 15 ounces of her. It was such a healing, full circle moment for us. She was beautiful. The world stood still for us in that moment.

The nurses evaluated her, burritoed her, and handed her to me. I put her to my breast and she nursed well. So well, in fact, that our family had to wait several minutes to come and meet her. It seemed so natural to have her in our arms.

Connor and Kylee were introduced first, of course. It was the greatest sight ever to watch them hold her. Finally, their moment of healing had come, too. They knew that sometimes, this process ends like it's supposed to. They showered her with hugs and kisses. We noticed how much the three of them looked alike. The room exploded with joy.

Soon after that, our family joined us to meet our newest daughter. July 21, 2009 was so much different han June 30th, 2008. It was a therapeutic moment for all of us. All because of God's goodness and our little baby burrito. :)

The nursery nurse came in to bathe Hadley. I sat back and watched our family as they watched her under the warming lights. It was like the paparrazi had come to St. Luke's South. Cameras flashed, everyone ooooh'd and aahhh'd. It was incredible.

24 hours later, we brought our baby home.

The last year has been filled with undescribable joy. We have been thankful for sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and spit-up. We, along with our families, have watched Hadley grow and change and have celebrated even her smallest accomplishments. Her biggest fans have been Connor and Kylee, who gleefully announce every new development with her to anyone who will listen. She has been constantly showered with love and affection, and has a delightful, easy-going personality. Her Grandpa Carlson describes her as a "blessing baby". He is so right.

Happy Birthday, Hadley Louise. We thank you for the healing and joy we experience because you are here. God chose you especially for us and we could not be more grateful.

We Love You, Baby Girl! :)

The Big "8"

2010-07-06T17:43:00.007-05:00

Check out our EIGHT year old!

We celebrated Connor's 8th birthday with a party at the local skating rink. Connor had a blast celebrating Mario Brothers style with his friends and family. Kylee decided that she wanted to try skating for the first time at the party, and she did a great job!

Uncle Jordan and Mandy keeping things festive:

Good times at the rink...

Connor has been wanting a big remote-controlled helicopter for a long time. Daddy found a great deal online and it was the perfect birthday gift!

It is unreal to me that 8 years ago, our son was a little 6 pound bundle in a blue blanket with blonde hair. In the same way that we crossed a new threshold when we brought him home from the hospital and began our journey as parents, I definitely have a sense that we are entering a new stage in life now...exiting little boy stage and entering young man stage. Connor's interests and how he relates to others have changed so much, yet he still remains the sweet, kind, intelligent boy that he has always been.

Connor continues to be so gifted at perceiving how others feel and has a natural inclination to reach out to those who are hurting. He is an incredible big brother, a wonderful helper, and has a heart filled with kindness. He loves to be social and enjoys spending time with his friends and family. He asks great questions and is very curious about the world around him and how things work. He loves the outdoors and adventure.

As the oldest child in our family, he is continually asked to lend a helping hand...and, generally speaking, does so totally graciously. He offers encouragement to both of his sisters on a daily basis, and has a sense of humor that brightens up our house. His kind and compassionate heart continue to inspire us to be better people.

We are so thankful that we have him in our family. At eight years old, Connor has been asked to understand more than most people have to comprehend in a lifetime, and he continues to amaze us with his attitude and abilities.

The last eight years have been a true blessing and we look forward to many, many more.

Almost Two Years...

2010-06-28T20:18:00.003-05:00

It is incredible to me that Caden looks just like he's sleeping in this picture. This was the picture that Brandon took just seconds before we walked out of the hospital, leaving our precious angel behind in a little white basket.

It has been almost two years since we held our baby in our arms.

June is always a difficult month. The anniversary of my mother's death is on June 9th...and then we begin replaying the mess of emotions we felt in June of 2008, all culminating with Caden's Heaven Day on June 30th.

I distinctly remember coming home from the Doctor's appointment where we scheduled my induction. I thought it was a great cosmic injustice that choosing an induction date was synonymous with choosing the day we'd say goodbye to our boy.

Two years ago tonight, we were preparing to go to the hospital. Last minute arrangements were taking place...small details being tended to so that when we came home with empty arms, we'd have nothing to concentrate on but healing.

In the days before Caden was born, I remember going to the store to buy a sportsbra that I could wear to help reduce the pain from the engorgement I'd experience after Caden was born. Brandon went and bought a black shirt to wear in our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photos. Instead of picking out "I'm a Big Brother" and "I'm a Big Sister" shirts for Connor and Kylee, we packed dark shirts for them so that our pictures would look good. I would have given ANYTHING to be buying diapers, binkies, Dreft, or blankets. But no. It was all so bleak. Planning for death at the same moment we anticipated birth.

Looking back, I wish I'd spent more time just rubbing my belly. Feeling Caden move. In the moment, I was so exhausted and emotionally spent that laying awake at night was frustrating. I tried to treasure each and every flutter (his most active time was around 2:00 am), praying that everything would be okay. Begging God to let us have time with our son....the precious life I felt twisting and turning inside me....and not letting go of hope that maybe, just maybe, we could bring our baby home.

But it was not to be.

The kids have had a difficult time with missing Caden recently. Both have cried many tears in the last few weeks, missing their brother. We cry right along with them. We pray that Caden is happy up in heaven and remind each other that someday, we'll get to be with him again. It is interesting because Connor and Kylee aren't necessarily aware of the anniversary that is approaching, yet the energy in our house flows differently, and they perceive that.

The energy will flow differently with each year that passes, but I hope we will continue to reflect on Caden being a part of our family every day, and especially as June 30th approaches each year.

Our baby is forever woven into the fabric of our hearts.

Scout Mania!

2010-06-28T19:26:00.008-05:00

The month of June has been filled with fun Scouting adventures.

Connor spent his 8th birthday at the Omaha Zoo, participating in an overnight camping trip. The Scouts got to spend the night in the zoo's aquarium, surrounded by sharks and sting-rays. Connor and Brandon secured a coveted spot in the shark tunnel, where they watched the sharks swim above them throughout the night:

The campout also included two hikes, where the boys and their guests got to learn more about the zoo and all that animals that live there. At 12:11 pm on Sunday, June 13th, we stopped right in the middle of the desert habitat so I could kiss our birthday boy at the precise moment he entered the world (rest assured, no one we knew was around). It was awesome.

Look! A lion!

The girls and I stayed in a nearby hotel while the boys soaked up the overnight experience. We toured the zoo together as a family the morning after the campout. We had never been to the Omaha Zoo before and it was a great experience! You could see many of the animals right up close.

The morning after we got home from Omaha, summer Scout camp began. For Boy Scouts, it is a day camp at the Platte County Fairgrounds. The boys and their Scout Leaders spent 4 days out in the heat and dust, doing all sorts of manly things, including shooting BB guns and bows and arrows. Here is a picture of Connor's Den:

Playing marbles at a station:

Looking good! Connor calls this his "Indiana Jones" hat:

The evolution of a marksman:

Connor was in HEAVEN. He came home every day literally covered (head to toe) in mud and grime. I am learning that in a boy's world, the dirtier you are when you come home, the better the experience was. :)

Hanging at Home with Hadley

2010-06-26T13:43:00.002-05:00

This is where Hadley hangs out during the day while Connor and Kylee are at school....

First Day of Summer School!

2010-06-26T13:32:00.008-05:00

At the beginning of the month, both of the kids started summer school. For Kylee, this a "practice run" for kindergarten, for Connor, it was an opportunity to spend time with friends and participate in fun elective courses (Super Summer Science, Get Movin', and learning how to use a computer, for example) as a big SECOND grader.

It is totally surreal that Kylee is now in all day school, too. The adjustment has been a rough one. As much as she loves being social, she is a BIG home body. So, being away from home every day for several hours has taken its toll on her. About 4:00 every afternoon, she has a meltdown of massive proportions. It is very difficult to be patient with her behavior, but we try to remind ourselves of what a stressful transition this is for our big girl.

We are blessed to have Kylee in Miss Mac's class. Miss Mac was Connor's kindergarten teacher and we simply ADORE her. So, dropping her off on the first day was much easier because we knew she was in great hands, with a teacher who would encourage her strengths and help strengthen her weaknesses. Kylee has a couple friends in her class, Morgan and Braden, so seeing familiar faces each day has eased the transition, too.

As per usual, Connor has been an outstanding big brother. He sits next to Kylee on the school bus and makes sure she gets to her classroom okay in the mornings. What a blessing his gentle soul is.

My favorite time of day is picking them up at the bus stop. Seeing both their faces pressed up against the window waving frantically still chokes me up (and not because I am anticipating the subsequent 4:00 pm Kylee J meltdown, but because I am so glad to have my babies back home). It is the best.

As I type this, the kids have just 3 days of summer school left. It has been a lot of fun, but we are looking forward to having some time to just play together!

Celebrating

2010-06-21T12:36:00.008-05:00

When Kylee Jordan is around, there is never a dull moment. Her fire and passion leads to continuous joy, aggravation, laughter, and frustration in our household...sometimes all at once. I wanted to share some pictures of Kylee's end of the school year activites with you all. Her fire and passion shine through in these photos.

Kylee had the opportunity to work on her soccer skills this summer in sessions led by some friends of ours. The sessions were very casual and Kylee got to play alongside some of her good buddies. Here she is in her shirt with all her soccer gear:

She did a great job and wasn't afraid to get in there and get after it. It was a great first experience for her.

The end of the school year also brought the classroom celebration and program at Second Friends. After four years of attending this program between celebrating with Connor and Kylee, it is hard to believe we won't be back next year!

Here's Kylee with her teachers, Ms. Pam and Ms. Tiffani. Simply put, these ladies are the "All Stars" of the preschool teaching world. We have been so blessed to have them both in Kylee's life! They handed out awards to each child, and Kylee received the "Best Communicator" and "Best Teacher" award (let's all be shocked). Kylee would frequently take the lead on "organizing" activities for her friends (we swear she'll be a CEO someday). Rather than trying to tame her, these incredible women praised and fostered our daughter's strengths...something we are so grateful for!

Grandma Carlson was on hand for the special celebration. Kylee had created a special memory book of her preschool year that she shared with us all:

The whole crew (minus Connor):

A cute sister moment:

As we left the preschool for the last time, one of the teachers asked "Do you have Hadley on the list"?

I smiled, said "nope!", and walked away. Facing that giant is a ways off. :)

Hadley's Happenings

2010-06-01T23:09:00.008-05:00

I have taken a moment tonight to post about Connor and Kylee's end-of-year activities, and now it is time to take a moment to acknowledge our littlest star. Hadley is exploring her world and discovering new things on a daily basis. She has grown into an impressively quick crawler and has mastered climbing stairs (you would think my thighs would be more toned with all the stair climbing I'm doing, but alas, not so much). Her vocabulary now includes "uh-oh" and, on occasion "thank you" (or a baby version of that phrase). Our now 10-month-old baby girl continues to light up our lives with her grin, almost constant babbling, and contagious laugh.

Here is a glimpse into Hadley's Happenings:

Bath time is a favorite. Hadley loves to put her hands under the faucet and to splash in the water. I had forgotten how much fun it is to watch a baby be enamored with the noises and sensation that splashing water brings.

Along with climbing stairs, exploring the pantry is one of Hadley's favorite pasttimes. One day, I noticed that it was suspiciously quiet. I discovered that Hadley had occupied herself with chewing into several hot chocolate packets. As you can see above, she was COVERED in hot chocolate powder and had left a rather impressive trail of powder all over our kitchen. I am still trying to decide if the huge mess was worth the 10 minutes of quiet this particular activity provided. It's hard to say. I'd trade almost any mess for 10 minutes of quiet.

Hadley went on her first wagon ride when Grandma Carlson was here last week. Too cute!

And speaking of too cute, here's our girl in her summer duds. Our neighbor LOVES to play with Hadley and has asked a few times if Hadley could put a swimsuit on. Today I finally said "sure", and the results are pretty precious.

Hadley continues to melt our hearts and be, pretty much, the center of all of our worlds. The joy she brings to us on a daily basis is indescribable. It's hard to believe we have a one year birthday awaiting us in just two months!

Our Little Dancer

2010-06-01T22:49:00.008-05:00

For the last 9 months, Kylee has attended dance classes at a local studio. Her dance experience culminated in a spring recital. As you can tell from the picture above, she didn't enjoy it AT ALL. :) She thought having a costume was pretty special and she did a GREAT job in her performance.

For some reason, the pictures I took of her dancing are really blurry. But in the picture above, you see Kylee winking. The song she danced to was about "watching all the boys go by". Kylee let herself smile and really soak up the moment. It was fun to watch her have fun!

We had lots of family on hand to help us celebrate, including Aunt Sarah, Cara, Collin, and Grandpa and Grandma McKinney...

Uncle Jordan and Mandy came along, too:

Proud of our girl!!

Bridging

2010-06-01T22:39:00.006-05:00

This time of year brings lots of "lasts" as extra-curricular activities wrap up for the summer. It is fun to celebrate the kids' accomplishments, and, I must admit, nice to know that we'll have a bit of a break from our "go-go-go" weekly schedule.

A few weeks ago, we watched Connor as he "bridged" over from Tiger Cubs to Wolf Cubs. Connor has really enjoyed participating in Scouts this year. He will attend his first Boy Scout camp in a couple weeks. He is very excited at the prospect of shooting things with bee bees and arrows.

The first part of the ceremony involved receiving a new badge from the Cubmaster:

Then, the boys moved outside and got to literally cross a bridge. Connor did a great job!

Focusing hard:

After crossing the bridge, the boys each received a new neckerchief, symbolizing their new rank:

It was a neat ceremony. Yet another symbol that our boy is growing up!

Caden's Cubs

2010-05-18T21:24:00.004-05:00

We have been very blessed this week!

My sister, Sarah, works with a graphic designer who generously offered to help us create some graphics for Caden's Cubs. Sarah has worked with Jeff to create a brand new logo, notecards, address labels, and a brochure that we can use to distribute our giftcards to families and spread the word about Caden's Cubs and as you can see, the result is AMAZING. We have been further blessed by Jessica Carlson's willingness to solicit a donation of printing services from her employer so Jeff and Sarah's creations could come to life on paper.

Sarah delivered the first fruits of their labor to us last weekend. We received our first batch of notecards and address labels and it was SO EXCITING to see them! We have already had the opportunity to use our new products when providing giftcards to two families this week.

We have also been blessed to receive our first monthly donors for Caden's Cubs. Some of our friends have approached us about making a monthly contribution to our ministry and began contributing regularly earlier this year. We are overwhelmed and honored at their desire to support us in honoring our son.

We are VERY excited about our new logo and wanted to share it with you here. This is the design featured on our notecards and address labels. Isn't he cute? You'll notice that on his foot, he has Connor, Kylee, and Hadley's initials.

As always, if you know of a family who might be able to utilize the services we offer through Caden's Cubs, please feel free to send us their information and we'll do the rest. If you know of anyone who would be interested in simply learning more about our ministry, we would love to share it with them.

A special THANK YOU to those of you who have made this possible. Jessica and Sarah, we are so very grateful for your willingness to share your expertise to make this all happen!

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T23:00:00.000-05:00

We carry a special place in our hearts for those moms who have lost one of their children...and especially for those mothers who are celebrating their first Mother's Day without one of their children here with them. Mother's Day is another holiday that has been forever changed by our experience with Caden.

Throughout today, we have found ourselves reflecting on our family, and the fact that it's been almost two years since Caden's moment in time arrived. It strangely seems like both forever ago and just like yesterday. Time does heal even this wound, but I don't think we'll ever get past the part where you stop and just wonder what things would have been like if Caden had joined us as a happy, healthy baby. We miss him terribly.

We often see sayings or messages about love and loss...and, while all are very well-intentioned, there is very fine line between something that just makes you sad and something very meaningful and encouraging.

Alexandra's House sends out Mother's Day cards to the families that have been a part of their ministry, and for us, the message the card contained took our breath away...we posted this on our Caden's Cubs site, but wanted to share it here, too.

Once upon a special day in Heaven up above,

The tiniest souls sat at God's feet, surrounded by His love.

The time was coming very soon, God said, do not be scared.

Your family awaits your arrival, now let us get prepared.

And so God looked upon these souls, in mute consideration.

He knew the life each one would live, He weighed each situation.

The souls chatted amongst themselves, and wondered who they'd be.

They knew the day grew closer; soon, they'd meet their family.

How would you like to change the world? God asked each soul in fun.

The chance to change a soul, a heart, is held by only one.

I'm going to make the world laugh, one soul said with a smile,

for laughter heals a broken heart, and helps us through each trial.

Then take with you the brightest smile, and share your laughter well.

The soul thanked God immensely, and down to earth he fell.

And I'll remind the world to sing, a sweet little soul told the Lord.

I have the gift of a beautiful voice; I can hit every note and every chord.

You'll have the gift of music then, a voice lovely and strong.

Share your gift with others, and let them hear your song.

I will show compassion, the next little soul raised her hand.

Some people only need a friend, someone to understand.

Compassion is a good thing, God said with much delight.

To you, I will give mercy. You'll perceive wrong from right.

And so each soul shared every thought, their plans, their hopes, their dreams.

And God explained that life, it is much harder than it seems.

And as each soul began to leave in a scurry of laughter and fun,

Heaven became quiet and still, for left was only one.

Come sit with me my little child, God said with just a sigh.

Do you know how many you will touch, in a world left wondering why?

Before your life comes to an end, you will know much strife,

but you'll teach those who know you, to cherish the smallest things in life.

And some may only know you through a simple photograph,

they'll never hold you in their arms, or memorize your laugh.

Some may only know you through the words they read each day,

but you'll do something wonderful, you'll make them stop and pray.

The tiniest soul raised his head up, to touch God's firm, strong hand.

Father, I am ready for the life that you have planned.

And I will do the best I can without a word or deed,

for you Lord, are the planter, and I will be your seed.

He could already hear many praying, and although they had not seen his face,

they were praying for his safe arrival, they were asking for mercy and grace.

What talent do I leave with, Lord? What gift do you impart?

All that you will need, God said, I've placed within your heart.

And so God kissed this tiny child, knowing all that he would be,

and whispered as he watched him go...You'll teach them...to love me.

We keep reminding ourselves that the slice of time we're missing with Caden here on earth is literally almost nothing compared to the eternity that waits for us all.

Happy Mother's Day.

A-ha Moment

2010-04-24T12:37:00.006-05:00

We are coming up on the two year anniversary of Caden's "Heaven Day", and I find, as June approaches, that my emotions run high. Recalling where we were at...emotionally, physically, spiritually....at this time two years ago combined with looking at where God has brought us since then stirs up so many different feelings inside me.

We have been so blessed by Caden's Cubs and the families we have had the honor to provide Build-A-Bear giftcards to. 2009 was a busy year, and we have given out several cards already in 2010. We learn a little bit about each family's story, and hearing each story gives us a chance to go back and relive some of the memories of our precious Caden.

One mom e-mailed us this week, thanking us for the giftcard. She also sent us pictures of their trip to Build-A-Bear with their son, who created a dragon in memory of his little sister. We are so touched by this family's willingness to allow us to share in their journey. Communicating with this family has led me to reflect deeply on how we felt as we walked a similar path...and yesterday was a rough day for me emotionally. As I read this mother's words, raw with grief, the tears rolled down my face and sobs built up inside my ribs.

I thought to myself...Why, God, Why? What is the purpose of this hurt, this pain? Why does anyone have to endure this ultimate devastation? These are our BABIES, God! All we wanted was to hold them, love them, to watch them grow....

After a bit of a rough afternoon, Brandon and I got to see Steven Curtis Chapman in concert last night (there are no coincidences, I tell you!). So many of his songs have touched our lives deeply...and as many of you know, after the Chapman family lost their 5 year old daughter in an accident two years ago (just a month before Caden was born), Steven released a new album "Beauty Will Rise", which tells a portion of their family's journey through grief after the loss of their Maria. This album resonates in a big way with us, as do several other of his tunes. We were excited to go.

During the concert, Mr. Chapman reflected a great deal on his struggles following his daughter's death. As he sang for us, he called attention to a line in one of his songs..."It's all yours God, yours God, everything is Yours..." and commented on how, even when we grapple to understand what we will never be capable of comprehending, we must trust that EVERYTHING is God's.

Lightbulb on.

As I feel sadness that penetrates my innermost core, I must realize that Caden was never ours to begin with. Our marriage, my family, our friends, our home, our work, our Church, our health...it's all God's. Connor, Kylee, Caden, Hadley....all His. So really, when He called Caden home, he was claiming something that is rightfully His. We weren't robbed of anything. He was never ours to begin with.

This doesn't mean that we can't wonder why, or struggle to understand what it was we were meant to learn as a result of our journey with Caden. Yes, of course, we are deeply saddened that we will never get to watch Caden grow. We don't get to celebrate birthdays, holidays, toothy grins, baby buns, learning to ride a bike, or first days of school with him. We grieve never getting to tuck Caden in bed at night, or rock him to sleep after storytime, or pray with him. I am reminded, however, of what a gift these times that we get to experience with Connor, Kylee, and Hadley are....and they are a gift....not an entitlement. The only guarantee we are given is that God loves us and that our road will be littered with difficulties. But if we trust, even when the hurt is more than we can bear and there are far more questions than answers, we will be rewarded by getting to spend eternity with Him.

So the whole, "God, why did you take him from us?" question....well, perhaps the answer is "he was mine to begin with".

The true gift will come on the other side of eternity....when Brandon and I someday elbow each other out of the way to run into the arms of our son....and walk with him to the feet of our Savior.

It is ALL yours, God...everything is Yours.

Easter Happenings!

2010-04-21T19:45:00.015-05:00

We had a great Easter this year!

Our celebrating began with the Second Friends Easter egg hunt up at William Jewell College. This has been our fourth year in a row participating in the hunt...each year the kids make their own "egg catchers". This year, Kylee's was a butterfly:

A good lookin' class:

Connor and Kylee got to participate in an egg hunt organized by our friend Sam. She and her girls hid eggs all over the Union at William Jewell, and the kids ran to find them. They loved it!

Two of our "Easter Blessings" posing in front of Gano Chapel on Jewell's campus. I love it!

After Church on Easter Sunday, the kids opened their Easter presents:

We wrapped up the holiday with another hunt in Baldwin City, hosted by Grandpa and Grandma McKinney. Here are the cousins all lined up with their loot!

This was our first Easter with Hadley with us. Every image that we capture with our three kids is so precious to me...especially as we celebrate holidays together. When you have known the pain of not having one of your children with you on a holiday, you celebrate the gift that a holiday spent together as a family is in a different way, I think. The love and joy that Connor and Kylee have for Hadley is so apparent. We are blessed by the gift of new life each of our children has been to us! Does this crowd look like they belong together, or what?!

Hadley's On The Move!

2010-04-02T14:17:00.005-05:00

Hadley has recently revealed her newest trick...she's movin' and groovin', folks!

Her crawl is fairly unique, as you can see. She kicks out her left leg and uses it to propel her forward...maybe it gives her a little speed boost. :)

Connor and Kylee have been amused by all of this (you can hear Kylee cheering Hadley on in this clip), but are a little surprised when Hadley all of the sudden grabs something of theirs. We are talking a lot about how important it is to keep small objects up off the floor now! It is so much fun to watch her explore.

Look out, world!

Spring Break Fun!

2010-04-01T12:40:00.008-05:00

We were very blessed to take our third trip to Walt Disney World over spring break. Brandon's parents took the whole Carlson bunch to Florida, where we enjoyed 5 action-packed days together. The kids had a great time seeing their North Carolina cousins, and it was so much fun to watch everyone experience all the marvels of Disney together. I thought we'd share just a few pictures with you all.

Both the girls got to have their pictures taken with the princesses:

Constant chaos...here are all the kids posing with their stuffed animals, many of whom were new "friends" from Disney.

A magical moment...

Connor, who wasn't so big on the princesses, did think it was cool to see Eeyore:

We are so grateful for Grandma and Grandpa Carlson's generosity. We made memories that will be treasured forever!

It's Approaching...

2010-03-03T12:05:00.004-06:00

I enrolled Kylee in summer school last night. She is so excited for kindergarten she can hardly stand it.

I asked her if she wanted to go to summer school. She didn't hesitate a moment when she said "Yes!". I then explained that summer school is different from "normal school" and if she decided at some point to skip a day here and there, it would be okay. She looked at me and said "Mom, I want to go to summer school ALL DAY....EVERY DAY." I smiled. My heart sunk a little.

One of the blessings in the way that our children have been spaced out is that I have enjoyed time with each of them individually....Connor before Kylee was born, and Kylee when Connor started kindergarten. She and I have settled into our own little routine on the days she doesn't have preschool. She putters, draws, "cleans", dances, changes clothes 2 or 3 times a day...and then requests a butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. Then, she putters some more, occasionally breaking to show me her latest masterpiece or inviting me to play a game with her. She is very independent, so our interactions are very parallel in nature...but her little noises throughout the house bring me joy. These days, I have spent some time thinking about how different the house will be next year when she's gone.

I am going to miss her.

But she is so ready. Her thirst for knowledge and desire for perfection in writing her letters and numbers is incredible. Her passion overflows as she tries to decipher words or convince me that she knows Spanish (which usually means adding an accent when you say a word in English). I know she will do incredibly well in kindergarten.

Of course, being Kylee, she wants to ride the bus to school. The vision of putting her on the yellow beast and watching its tailights as it drives away creates a huge lump in my throat. But I know our big girl will be bouncing in her seat...anticipating going to the "big school".

Oh, Miss J...where did the last 5 years go?

I will be the one poised on the edge of the curb in the afternoon, standing on my tiptoes to see the bus come around the curve as it brings both of our kiddos back home each day. With Kylee, I know there will be stories of great adventure to share.

I will treasure each one of them.

Winter Happenings

2010-02-15T16:43:00.011-06:00

We've had a good last month. At the end of January, Connor participated in his first-ever Pinewood Derby with the Boy Scouts. "Jet Car" was cut from a block of wood, painted, and weighted just so....and for our first time out, we did pretty well (as someone pointed out, "It's a block of wood on wheels! Who knows what it will do?"). Thanks to Daddy's engineering, Connor's car placed 2nd in his heat, and he ended up in 18th place overall (about halfway up the chart).

Here are the finished products. Kylee wanted to create a masterpiece, too:

A proud finish:

Soon after the Pinewood Derby, Valentine's festivities started. Both the kids had parties at school.

Kylee had a great time making crafts and eating snacks...and even entertained her sister at her party:

Ms. Tiffani, who was also one of Connor's teachers, was kind enough to pose for a picture:

I was held captive as a station leader at Connor's party, so didn't get many great photos of his celebration. He was very nice to allow me this photo op in his classroom:

Along with being a willing Valentine's Day party attendee, Hadley is continuing to grow and change with each passing day. She now sits up independently, and loves to eat anything she can get her hands on (you can see the biter biscuit remnants on her face in this shot). I thought this one was pretty precious:

This year, we decided to celebrate Valentine's Day by doing activities together rather than by exchanging gifts. Connor and Daddy, along with Grandpa Carlson, attended the Monster Jam show at the Sprint Center. Grave Digger is our fan favorite:

The girls and I enjoyed a more feminine celebration...Kylee and I went and got our nails done together, and all three of us ladies ventured out to see the Princess and the Frog at the movie theatre while the boys were getting splattered with mud and dust by monster trucks.

Life keeps on moving around here...the chaos is plentiful...and filled with joy.

Fancy

2010-02-02T15:51:00.002-06:00

Last Friday night, we decided to go out to eat. Brandon and I were in the mood for something more than our usual fast-food haunts....something FANCY. I explained our mission to the kids and asked where they wanted to eat.

Kylee's choice, as per usual, was to stay at home and eat. When given the choice, her choice is always "stay home". I'd like to think this is a testimony to my wonderful cooking. Instead, I know it is because she doesn't want to change out of the sundress that she's inevitably wearing to go out into the cold weather.

Connor immediately said "I'm not really in the mood for a fancy place." He then thought for a few minutes and said "Mommy, I know somewhere we could go that's nice and pretty fancy!"

"Great, Buddy! Where?" I replied.

"Ci-Ci's Pizza!"

We are fancier than most families could ever hope to be.

Good Morning!

2010-01-27T09:16:00.002-06:00

Many of you may know that I am NOT a morning person. I get that a new day brings new opportunities, but in my opinion, that new day could start around 10:00 am and all would be right with the world.

I cannot remember the last time I slept in, uninterrupted, until 10:00 am.

This morning, I woke up to the heated voices of our two older children downstairs (thankfully, I am married to a man that gets the children their breakfast before hopping in the shower so that I can snag a few extra minutes of precious sleep). I hear the typical "I'm telling on you!" accompanied by little feet storming up the stairs. I have BARELY pried my eyes open when Kylee is at my bedside, anxious to report what grave injustice has occurred in our home.

"Connor told me that I put too much lipstick on. But I didn't. So I threw a squirrel at him."

In the course of this report, I notice that Kylee has opted to dress herself for school. Not in the adorable perfectly matched outfit I have laid out for her, but in a navy blue sundress. It is 25 degrees outside.

"Okay, Kylee...can you please go downstairs and put on the clothes I laid out for you?"

She storms out of the room. Hadley, who had been sleeping with me after her 6:30 am feeding, wakes up upon hearing her sister's elevated voice. Of course.

I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Brandon knows better then to even speak to me. Our morning dance is done with as few words as possible. We've learned, over the years, that it's just better that way.

I come downstairs. Instead of putting on the outfit I had asked her to, Kylee is now wearing pink cords under her navy blue sundress. Oh, brother. Connor readies himself to go to the bus stop and has managed to still complete his morning routine despite being attacked by a squirrel in the earlier altercation with his sister.

As I move around the kitchen, I notice the pale yellow sticky ball that is currently affixed to our ceiling. It has been dangling there for two days. Connor derived great pleasure from throwing it up there and then getting it back down it a couple nights ago. We cut him off before the last dislodging effort because of the safety risks involved with standing on the kitchen counter waving a tall object around to remove the ball from the ceiling. And there it still hangs. A symbol of the state of the union at the Carlson house.

We leave the house right on time to get to the bus stop. The bus is, of course, running a couple minutes early. Connor sprints the last half block to catch the bus. He thinks it's fun, which is a good thing. Even though he's running late, he gives me a kiss and an "I love you" before he sprints down the sidewalk. He boards the bus with a grin on his face.

I come back home to address the five year old on the couch with her hair sticking straight up and a mismatched outfit on (my hair is sticking straight up, too, but my pajamas do match, by the way). We adjust the outfit for a colder climate by adding a turtleneck and some leggings that actually coordinate with her sundress. I get no argument, which is pretty amazing. We move into the bathroom to curl her hair. It turns out pretty cute. While we are doing Kylee's hair, Hadley decides to do a face plant on the floor. She is crying....I pick her up and plop her in the entertainer. She fusses louder. I put the binky in her mouth and push one of the musical light up toys on the entertainer. Success.

I then notice that a flower decoration that is on Kylee's dress is all bunched up and probably needs to be ironed. We are now 5 minutes late leaving the house. I decide to tackle "ironing" the flower out with the flat iron that I have been using on her hair. It works pretty well. Given my aversion to ironing, I will tuck that trick away for future reference.

We drive to school, managing to arrive only a couple minutes late. I get a hug and a kiss and a big "I love you" before Kylee hops out of the van to begin another day at school. Before she hops out, she asks "Mom, did you put a note in my lunchbox?". I ask, hesitantly, "Is it okay if the note in there is the same one that you had on Monday?" She says, "Yes, that's fine." Whew.

I drive home, still in my pajamas...and now, I sit here with Hadley and the yellow sticky ball to keep me company. The house is quiet.

It is always interesting to see what morning time brings our way.

The Big 6 Month Mark!

2010-01-25T18:40:00.008-06:00

On the morning of January 21st, I was going about my morning routine, which involves changing and dressing Hadley for the day. I walked to her closet and looked at her clothes. Then, it hit me...because January 21st was her 6 month birthday, that meant that her 3-6 month clothing could be put away. Not only are we venturing into another age and stage, but we are boxing up another set of clothing. This is a big deal.

Although I had sworn that I would be diligent in recording her landmarks and noting each and every step of her infancy, I have failed miserably. While we know exactly which day Connor ate his first baby food, and at least in which month Kylee ate hers, we will be venturing our best guess when it comes time to write something down for Hadley. I bought a scrapbook a few weeks ago, being well-intentioned about getting started with her birth story and perhaps including a few sonogram pictures and notes about my pregnancy. The scrapbook is currently collecting dust. I am optimistic that it will be pulled out soon (maybe).

I think part of the reason that I haven't documented much is because, with every spare moment I have, I am soaking up the small wonders of having a baby in our house. Instead of gluing pictures into a book, I am watching Hadley interact with the world around her...noting her expressions, her noises, her preferences...and it is blissful. Our girl is now sitting up, eating some baby food, babbling lots, and grabbing everything in sight. This week, we graduated from the infant car seat into a regular seat, and we have moved out of the baby bathtub into the bath turtle (see picture above).

Hadley's personality is fairly laid back. Most of the time, she is content to sit and play and watch the circus that is often revolving around her. She LOVES attention from her brother and sister (who are constantly showering her with affection), and her smile is positively captivating. Her giggle is enough to melt anyone's heart.

The past six months have been a time of great healing for us. We look forward to continuing to watch our baby girl explore and grow. Bring on the 6-9 month clothes. Ready or not, here we come!

You Gotta' Love The Beatles!

2010-01-09T17:15:00.001-06:00

Our family got Beatles Rock Band for Christmas this year. Connor took to it immediately, but Kylee has been pretty reluctant to dive in...until a few nights ago, when a star was born:

You gotta' love the Beatles!

Overheard

2009-12-22T10:13:00.001-06:00

Kylee received a doctor Barbie from Grandpa and Grandma Lori for Christmas. She was playing with it this morning and said: "This is the nurse Barbie. She tells the Doctor what to do."

That's my girl. :)

December 18th

2009-12-17T13:40:00.006-06:00

Well, folks, tomorrow is our 10 year wedding anniversary.

As I reflect on all the changes that the last 10 years has brought, it is amazing. To see where God has brought us...how He's led us as we've gotten there....and the lessons we've learned along the way...incredible.

Anyone who is married knows that marriage teaches you not only about your spouse, but also about yourself. Brandon and I were talking the other night about what we believe makes a marriage successful. We concluded that the success of a marriage depends, of course, on a shared belief system, but also, on the willingness of both partners to put their spouse's needs ahead of their own. I have been blessed to spend the last ten years with a man who consistently loves me as Christ loved the Church. I am very humbled. At our wedding, the Pastor's message was on Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. We have carried that Scripture with us throughout your marriage and it has been such a blessing to us, time and time again.

We have navigated a great deal over the last 10 years...having four children, telling one of them goodbye, job losses, a Master's degree, job changes, new houses, births, deaths, weddings, friendships...and the hustle and bustle that is simply life. I can't imagine that the next 10 years will be nearly as full as the last 10 years have, but somehow, with three children in our home, I know that they will bring a fullness that we have yet to discover. Along the way, there have been many times where complete brokenness seemed inevitable, and yet, we navigated trials together, and, often, our marriage came out stronger as a result of having to endure them.

There are many things that I love about Brandon. But I have to say that my favorite thing is that he is my best friend in the whole world. He sees the worst of me (including my hair first thing in the morning), and still stays. He lets me tease him and understands that sarcasm is often how I show someone that I love them. He encourages me, laughs with me, and takes the time to explain politics to me even though he knows there isn't much space in my brain to hear it. Conversely, he lets me talk through things 1,000 times, knowing that I need to process out loud (even when he doesn't have space in his brain to hear it). He does the dishes before sitting down to watch TV because he knows dishes in the sink make me crazy. He tolerates my intolerance of all things technical, and he knows that, chances are, I won't have my cell phone with me...but he still calls.

He is an AMAZING father to our children...my prayer for our daughters is that they find a man as wonderful as their Daddy is to marry someday...and that our son learns, through the example that Brandon is, of what it means to lead a family as a Godly husband. We've navigated so many things together...as husband and wife....but also as two people who genuinely LIKE each other. When I am with him, I have a strong sense that everything is going to be okay, which has been a gift to me over and over again in our marriage.

I look at our wedding pictures and think about how wonderful that day was, but I also have to think how naive we were at that time in our lives. I think "if we had known then what we know now..."

I am happy to say, even if we had known then what we know now, it wouldn't have changed a thing.

Thanks, Brandon James.

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Is It Christmas Yet?!?!?!

2009-12-03T15:45:00.005-06:00

We had a great Thanksgiving. It was the first Thanksgiving in our ten years of marriage that we weren't either travelling or having company. Now, no offense to our family that we travel to see or host here at our home, but it was HEAVENLY to have a low-key holiday. We did drive to Baldwin City for Thanksgiving Day, where we obligingly ate way too much at Dad and Lori's (and had a great time doing it), but the rest of the weekend was "just us" family time...and involved A LOT of Mario Kart playing on the Wii.

Thank you to those of you who have been praying for us since our last post. Your prayers are making a difference and our spirits are lifting as a result of your kindness. Your continued support through prayer means so much!

Part of our Thanksgiving weekend involved pulling out the Christmas decorations. The kids thought this meant that Christmas was the next day...so it has been interesting to tell them, on almost a daily basis, that Christmas is still a little ways away. I love a child's enthusiasm for this time of year.

We were standing in the kitchen the other night getting ready for dinner. Connor asked THE QUESTION point blank..."Is Santa really even REAL, Mom?" I froze.

Some background...certain family members (who shall remain nameless) have given us some good natured trash for fostering the belief in our house that Santa is real. Santa was a big part of my family's Christmas growing up, and the year I found out that he didn't actually exist was DEVASTATING for me (it was the Christmas of my third grade year...I remember it like it was yesterday). So, I have allowed our children to participate in the "Santa rituals" that surround Christmas because it brought me so much joy as a child. What's the harm?

Anyway...back to the story....

Brandon and I looked at each other. We both smiled. We had talked previously about how this exact moment was going to happen anytime. I looked at Connor and then said "Daddy, what do you think?" Brandon said "No, Buddy. He isn't real." Connor smiled...like he had decoded a big mystery.

That night, as I tucked him into bed, I explained to Connor that Santa was just something fun...and that he should be careful about saying he wasn't real, because some children (including his sister) still believe in him. He asked "Then where do the Santa presents come from?" I shared that they came from Mommy and Daddy, secretly gleeful that at long last, we, not Santa, would receive credit for the REALLY cool Christmas presents he has been given over the years. ;) He smiled at me again.

While I completely understand that Jesus, not Santa, is the center of our season, having some good-natured holiday fun with the guy in the red suit has always been special (we throw out reindeer food and the whole bit). This is another sign that our little man is growing up...

Thank goodness the tooth fairy is real, right?

Missing Our Son

2009-11-23T18:03:00.003-06:00

Today my heart has been heavy. So tonight, in a rare quiet moment, I turn to the computer to try to peck out how I am feeling, just as I did in the days when our grief and doubt weighed so heavily on us....as we anticipated Caden's birth and then grieved that he would no longer be here with us.

Today was my Mom's birthday. She would have been 55 years old. While it is typical for me to be a little down on this day, I have noticed that as the leaves fall from the trees and the holidays approach, my spirits have been a little low. I think it is because I am missing Caden.

It is such a strange paradox...to celebrate Hadley's first holidays and watch Connor and Kylee anticipate them as well...and yet, to feel such incredible sadness because one of us is missing. As is typical with grief, there are times that are just hard...and this month has been one of them for me.

Both Brandon and I have found ourselves looking at pictures of Caden independently of each other today. While I express only my own feelings, I imagine he is hurting in much the same way. The hurt never leaves.

I feel a profound sadness for those who I know are spending their first set of holidays without their baby...those who have endured losses this year...wounds so fresh, tears so wet, unsure of what to expect but knowing that they are about to tackle several "firsts" that no parent ever wants to take on. My prayers are with them...some whose names I know, and others I don't. May peace find them wherever they are.

The music from this time of year tends to make me extra emotional as well. The songs about Mary carrying the baby Jesus hit me hard. As I was listening to some Christian music this week, I realized that I have had the priviledge of carrying an angel in my womb. What a sacred moment that was for me. How I long to hold my angel. To feel his soft skin against mine...to shower him with kisses and I love you's...to wipe his little bottom, to hear his funny noises....to marvel at his growth and accomplishments.

Tonight, as I think about our precious Caden, I envision him with tiny angel wings along with his beautiful red hair...looking peaceful and contented. I hope he knows how much we love him. Thank you, Lord, for giving our special angel to us. We know his purpose in Your kingdom is far beyond what us mere mortals can comprehend.

Hadley is stirring in the swing, signaling that it is time for eating and cuddling. God is so good.

The Biggest Closer

2009-11-20T13:13:00.003-06:00

Last month, Brandon participated in a "contest" at work. The idea was that he and his colleagues were to record each "task" that they completed. Tasks were basically things that they do as a part of their daily work...and each was assigned a certain point value. At the end of each week and then at the end of the month, whoever had the most points won.

Now, if you're smart, you recognize that this was not simply a "let's give credit where credit is due" sort of deal (it never is in corporate America). Rather, it was a way to track employees' productivity in a time where everyone is being asked to justify their existence within the company. Sneaky. I joked and asked when they were going to formally put up the sticker chart.

My husband is a very hard worker. He won the contest overall, earning him the title of "The Biggest Closer". His title was printed across the red sash he was awarded.

My husband is also a very good sport. While most people would have gone running the other direction when the red sash came out (and certainly would have picked up the pace at first sight of a camera), Brandon put it on and even continued to pose for a picture (note the pink gift bag as well, adding that extra touch of masculinity to what could otherwise be perceived as pagentry...hee hee!). He was then a bit dismayed when his co-workers blew up the photo into an 8 X10 and posted it at the office. But I ask, who could resist it?

After I finished giggling at the picture, I warned him that it would appear on the blog.

As the winner of the contest, Brandon is going to be the proud recipient of a stadium blanket. He assures me that the stadium blanket will be nice enough to make wearing the sash worth it.

Brandon makes me smile for so many reasons....not the least of which is his ability to make a red sash and a pink gift bag look good together. :)

More Fall Fun

2009-11-13T13:12:00.009-06:00

I begin this post with pictures of our front porch. A colleague of mine, Katie, has a flair for decorating. I asked her to make my porch look cute for fall. Seeing everyone with adorable scarecrows and mums and pumpkins on their porch made me feel like sprucing up our place, but as you can imagine, time to browse the aisles at the stores for cute, budget friendly decorations is not a luxury I have right now. Katie came to the rescue!! The kids lent a helping hand and within seconds, our porch looked really cute. I told her she should go into business.

As promised, here are pictures of Kylee's fall party at school. The first if of her whole class, and the second is, of course, of Hadley. I had her dressed in a "My Little Pumpkin" Halloween ensemble complete with a hat. It cracked me up. The last photo is of Kylee with the special pony she made to "ride" in between stations at the party, along with her cylinder for holding treats and prizes from each stop.

Can you tell these two are related?

The kids still love to hold Hadley. She is generally very tolerant, but sometimes, enough is ENOUGH. What I love about this picture is that Kylee was intent on me capturing this moment of her with baby sister, so she is still posing and leaning in to kiss Hadley despite the screaming.

Every morning when Brandon or I bring her downstairs, she is greated with a chorus of "Hi, Hadley!" when brother and sister see her. Watching our three children together is such a gift. Even in the moments where Hadley has had it. :)

Halloween Happenings

2009-11-04T10:38:00.011-06:00

Last week was a fun week filled with lots of fall festivities!

Both kids had their fall parties at school and Hadley and I were able to attend both events...the pics from Kylee's party are on my phone (I will share those later), but here are a few shots of Connor's party:

Hanging with buddy Jalen:

Decorating a pumpkin:

Decorating (and then devouring) a cookie:

Connor and Kylee were SO excited for Halloween this year. As you can see, we had a Clone Trooper, Sleeping Beauty, and a little Pumpkin at our house. I think the older two (especially Kylee) were perhaps more excited about seeing Hadley dressed up then they were about their own costumes. :)

We hit two trunk or treats, trick-or-treated around the Square, and then did a little candy-hunting around the neighborhood. We had a blast and the weather was gorgeous! Here are our pre-trick-or-treating photos:

After collecting enough candy to fill two HUGE bowls, Connor and Kylee collapsed on the floor in sugar-induced comas. It was a great holiday!

Precious

2009-11-01T19:50:00.004-06:00

Life As We Know It...

2009-10-29T16:57:00.010-05:00

Kylee created this very special picture of her body (complete with lungs, heart, and intestines) at school. As a nurse, I have a true appreciation for this artwork (and, of course, the abnormally large head that houses her brain).

Connor tested for his orange belt at karate. He did a bow kata in addition to an open hand kata and did a great job! These are a couple pics of his last moments as a yellow belt right before his test. :)

A few weeks ago, Connor decided that he'd like to explore riding the bus to school. This was a huge relief to me because, as I've mentioned in a previous post, pick-up time from school coincides perfectly with Hadley's naptime. So, Kylee and I would listen to Hadley scream at the top of her lungs for 30 minutes in the car rider line while waiting for Connor. The bus is a great option. With the stop being about a block from our front door, Connor can easily walk to and from the bus. He still lets me walk him there in the morning, but walks home with the other neighborhood kids in the afternoon. Here he is waiting for the bus with our neighbor, Renae, and boarding the bus to head to school.

And we end with Miss Hadley, sitting in her stroller, looking adorable. I LOVE the blue flower. :)

Haddie Chat

2009-10-26T16:14:00.004-05:00

Our baby girl turned 3 months old last week!

Hadley's latest trick is being quite conversational...she gets lots of encouragement for all of her cooing from big brother and sister (and, let's face it, Mommy and Daddy, too). Brandon caught a bit of it on tape, so we thought we'd let you all see first hand what she's up to:

What a joy our littlest blessing is! :)

Caden's Cubs Update

2009-10-14T10:43:00.003-05:00

Hello!

It's been awhile since we've shared what's happening with Caden's Cubs, so I thought I would take a minute to update you all. We have been blessed by our friends and family with some generous donations recently, which allowed us to purchase our first sizable batch of Build-A-Bear giftcards. This is great because when we hear of a family that can utilize Caden's Cubs, we can now send them a giftcard from our batch on hand within a couple days rather than ordering the cards individually and having to wait several days for them to come in the mail.

In the last month, we have been able to provide giftcards for about 10 children. This is exciting, yet disheartening, for us. Each family's story touches our souls, and we are so grateful to be able to do something to let them know that even strangers are praying for them and their babies.

Our goals over the next few months include getting ourselves set up with some notecards, address labels, and perhaps even some informational pamphlets to be sent out to the families we give cards to. Right now, we are using generic cards to send things out in, and we think it would be wonderful to be able to use cards and address labels with the Caden's Cubs logo on them when we mail giftcards. It is our hope that eventually, information about Caden's Cubs can be given to families in the hospital so that they can contact us if they are interested in making a bear in honor of their little one. That is a big vision. We'll see where the road takes us.

Some have asked how much money it takes to create one bear. Right now, the cost per child is about $25. Build-A-Bear has given us a discount, so we will be able to provide $30 giftcards for a cost of $25. This is, generally speaking, enough for a stuffed animal and an outfit at Build-A-Bear.

We continue to accept direct referrals. If you know of a family who could benefit from this experience, please let us know. All you need to do is provide us with the names of their children and their mailing address and we take care of the rest. Of course, we always love to hear a little of their own personal story...we feel a connection to all these families.

Before I sign off, I want to say a special thank you to Spencer and Steph. Your gift will be a true blessing to us and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping us further our ministry. We are truly humbled.

To all of you that have contributed or will contribute in the future, we want you to know how blessed we feel by your generosity. Each giftcard we send is a piece of healing for us...and also brings healing and joy to a child who needs something to cuddle while remembering a precious angel.

Tooth Fairy Madness!

2009-09-22T14:49:00.003-05:00

We're keeping the tooth fairy busy around here! Connor just lost his second front tooth. The tooth fairy left him $1.00 for his pearly white.

With Connor's first front tooth loss, he dutifully put the tooth under his pillow. The next morning, I came downstairs to find him sitting on the couch looking like a lost puppy dog. My heart dropped to my stomach when I saw that he had his tooth sitting beside him. He looked at me, quite sadly, and said, "Mommy, the tooth fairy didn't come!". If only he knew that the tooth fairy was trying to adjust to life with a newborn in the house!

I dialed Brandon and said "I just want you to know that we stink as parents". We brainstormed, and decided to try explaining that perhaps the tooth fairy was just too busy to stop by. I was ready to just confess that the whole thing was make-believe (I was also ready to give the kid $5.00 for his tooth because I felt so guilty. We dismissed this idea because of the dangerous precedent it would set.). Before we had offered an explanation, Connor said "Maybe the tooth fairy just didn't take my tooth because it was in an envelope instead of a napkin". We latched onto that one and decided that must have been the reason she didn't stop by.

The next night, we placed the tooth under Connor's pillow in a napkin. At 3:00 in the morning, as I was feeding Hadley, I had a moment of all out panic when I realized that once again, we had gone to bed without taking Connor's tooth. I woke Brandon out of a dead sleep. He looked at me, panicked, thinking something was really wrong. I said "Did you do something with the tooth?"

"Yes."

My heart slowed a bit.

The next morning, Connor was thrilled to see a note in the shape of a tooth under his pillow, along with an award of $2.00 for his patience.

Sleep deprivation can be quite costly, folks. :)

Haddie Lou

2009-09-18T13:53:00.010-05:00

As I have mentioned before, Amanda came over and snapped some pictures of our family fairly soon after we brought Hadley home from the hospital. I believe Hadley was about 3 weeks old in these pictures. I had to share them with you....

This one is my absolute favorite, for many reasons. As you can see, my necklace has the names of all four kids on it. It means so much to me to be able to incorporate ALL our kiddos into one photo. I also love Hadley's face...pure, innocent...and a little chubby. Lastly, the word "blessed" was a perfect choice. We are so very blessed, not just by Hadley, but by Connor, Kylee, and Caden, too. We are amazed at God's goodness and how He has brought us through such a journey of pain and heartache, and is now restoring us daily with healing only He can provide. This photo, to me, symbolizes what is truly important in this world....and serves as a reminder that God is faithful...even in life's darkest times.

Hugs and kisses from Mom and Dad:

And, of course, brother and sister, too:

Tiny toes...

Precious...

Our girl is doing well. She had her two month appointment at the Pediatrician yesterday and weighed in at 10 lbs. 10 oz. I am not too proud to admit that was good affirmation for me after the hours and hours I have spent breastfeeding. :) Despite being a Nurse who has given MANY shots to other people's children, I still cried when Hadley got her shots. She has done well, though, and I am grateful to have one round down.

Hadley's new tricks include noticing the contrast between dark and light, and, just this week, she has started recognizing faces (big smiles for brother and sister...little smiles for Mom and Dad). She is a noisy one (Daddy has nicknamed her Hootie) and is constantly "hooting" as she eats and sleeps (someone remarked one time as I was feeding her under a blanket "It sounds like there's a flock of geese under there!"). At night, she will sleep for a 4-5 hour stretch, and continues to do well at settling back in after eating...so really, no complaints there.

She is pretty tolerant, as it is rare for her to get a full nap between all the drop offs and pick ups that we do for big brother and sister. Sometimes we do the drop-offs with her screaming at the top of her lungs...I can empathsize...I'm cranky, too, when my sleep gets interrupted. She's not a big fan of the carseat, which makes life pretty interesting. Connor and Kylee are great binky helpers as we're riding around. :) They continue to love having Hadley around and haven't yet requested that we send her back.

It is crazy to believe that just two months ago, she was in my belly. I still spend quite a bit of time just watching her...and being amazed that God has allowed us to have her as a part of our family.

Love you, Baby Girl!

We Have a 5 Year Old, Folks!

2009-09-14T18:35:00.007-05:00

Miss Kylee J turned 5 on September 9th.

Kylee requested a "Pinkalicious Party" to celebrate her special day. She also really wanted to invite Cinderella, who she had met at a friend's birthday party. So, we had perhaps the world's first Pinkalicious Cinderella birthday. Kylee always has very original, yet very precise, ideas about her birthday parties. We have really come to love her creativity with event planning.

Kylee and her friends had a great time with Cinderella (who, when she isn't making social calls, is a teacher in the local school district).

Cinderella helped the party crowd make royal crowns. She and Kylee created one especially for Brandon.

Kylee and her party guests outside having bubble time with Cinderella. Notice the wardrobe theme?

Instead of a birthday cake, Kylee wanted cotton candy (pink, of course). So, the kids enjoyed cotton candy with their pink lemonade as a snack. Kylee very specifically requested that we NOT sing Happy Birthday to her. For some reason, it overwhelms her. So, we left that part out of the celebration.

Cinderella helped Kylee open a few presents before she had to leave:

It was a very special day for our little princess.

Kylee is such a blessing to us in so many ways. Her passion for life is contagious...and this girl's smile will light up a room like no one else's will. She works hard to succeed at everything that she does and is fiercely loyal to her family (she is the only one entitled to pick on her big brother). She lives life to its fullest and inspires us to do the same. We are blessed to have her with us.

Best wishes for many, many more, Miss J!

Back To School...

2009-09-02T17:04:00.012-05:00

It's crazy that we are in the midst of our third week of school. Where does the time go (interesting how time takes on a whole new dimension when days and nights essentially mesh into one). :)

Connor and Kylee have really enjoyed school so far this year. They both have great teachers, Mrs. Hodge (Connor) and Ms. Pam (Kylee). We have heard great things about Mrs. Hodge, and Kylee was in Ms. Pam's class last year, so we are excited to be back with her. Kylee is now in the Pre-K class, which means she goes to school all day and even gets to "eat lunch and take a rest" before I pick her up. She is excited to be in the big leagues. Our big first grader, Connor, was a little less enthused about school starting, but has adjusted well to the routine.

The first day of school pictures have become tradition around our house. Both of the kids had new outfits from Grandma and Grandpa Carlson. They were excited to put on their new school gear, too...Princesses and GI Joe. I'm not sure what the wave is all about, but it was essential...whatever the purpose was.

Here are the kids outside their classrooms, and by their cubbies:

Both of the kids have several of their friends from last year in their class, which is great. They both settled right in as we prepared to say goodbye:

The first day of school this year went much more smoothly than it did last year. I remember walking away from dropping Connor off at his first day of kindergarten and being consumed with sadness because both of our kids were in school and I had no baby at home with me. I was supposed to be pushing a stroller down the sidewalk when I walked away....this year, walking away with a carseat in tow reminded me of God's faithfulness and goodness. Two kids in school, blessed to have good teachers and great friends...a wonderful summer filled with lots of fun...and a new little pink bundle to cuddle with.

Life is good.

Life With Three

2009-08-17T20:10:00.007-05:00

Sweet sisters

Sacked out siblings.

Oh, Daddy...

Both of the kids had their Back to School open houses this week. Kylee is overjoyed at the thought of returning to preschool and practically pranced from room to room as we visited her teachers. Eight of the twelve kids from her class last year will be together again this year. She is excited and ready to go!

Connor, on the other hand, is a bit more reserved at the prospect of being a first grader. I must admit that it was a little weird to walk down the FIRST GRADE hall at Doniphan tonight. We met his teacher, and I think she's going to be great. He was happy to see that some of his best buds from last year will be in class again this year.

The end of summer is, well, the end of summer. The kids are growing a bit tired of each other, the pool has lost its luster, the library isn't as exciting as it once was, and most days, it's just too hot and humid to go outside. Add into that that my energy level is about nil right now, and you have a ton of fun. The kids have been very patient and have done really well with life just needing to focus on Hadley right now.

I was reflecting on how school started at a good time...here is a glimpse of our day today...

Connor and Kylee decided to play in the hose for awhile this afternoon. Kylee came in to change clothes and I noticed that she had her underwear on backwards. I commented on this, to which she replied (quite sassy-like and disrespectfully) that she wasn't going to turn them around. I sent her to the step for a time out. Of course, I am feeding Hadley at this time, so Kylee has to put herself on the step (I have often wondered if the impact of time out is lost when you don't physically plunk the child down on the step...but you gotta do what you gotta do). Kylee marches herself to the step, wearing only her backwards underwear. About 5 minutes later, I call her into the family room (I am still feeding Hadley). She sasses me again and has no sooner gotten off the step before she's sent back to it. After time out #2, we reach an agreement. She goes to change and comes out of the bathroom with her underwear on not only backwards, but also inside out. I give up.

A couple hours later, we are getting ready to leave for Connor's Back to School night. I want to look presentable because, after all, this is the first time many of his schoolmates and their families will see Hadley. My daugher selects a pair of hot pink leggings and a pale pink tank top to wear. I decide it's not worth the battle to try to convince her that perhaps that isn't the best clothing combo I've seen as of late. I notice, as we are getting ready, that Kylee is not wearing any underwear at all. I ask her to please put underwear on. She tells me she doesn't want to, but obliges my request anyway. Back to the laundry room she goes to change.

We arrive at Connor's school. In the process of getting up to the school, Connor runs into Kylee with the stroller (it was an accident). We recover. We are perusing the gym and all the various tables of information there...I am feeling pretty good about getting all three kids out by myself (Brandon joins us after work). Connor looks at me and says "Mom, Kylee has her pants on inside out." Sure enough. Seam showing. Hot pink.

Oh, brother.

We made it through the open house. I am hoping that those who saw that Kylee's pants were on inside out also noticed us pushing a newborn baby in the stroller (I feel like we're entitled to a good three months of "newborn haze").

Life has changed, and once again, I realize that it's going to be awhile before I look like I have it all together (probably longer than 3 months). And that's okay.

I asked Connor tonight, "So, Buddy...why aren't you excited to go back to school?" He replied "Because I'll miss home."

That's what it's all about. Crazy as it might be, it's home. And we are so very, very blessed.

Announcements...

2009-08-11T19:37:00.005-05:00

Amanda, a friend of ours from Church, came over last week to snap some photos of Miss Hadley. She then graciously created these announcements for us. I wanted to share them with you all. :)

Things are good here on the home front. Our baby girl is 3 weeks old today. She continues to be loved and adored by everyone here. Connor and Kylee kiss, love, and hold their baby sister regularly, and Brandon and I enjoy every moment of watching our three children interact and get to know each other. The kids have shared some great bits of wisdom with us...

Connor: "It must be great to be a baby. You don't have to do ANYTHING!"

Kylee: "She smells like strawberry jam." (Insert look of confusion on my face here) "That means that she's good."

Connor and Kylee start school next week, so we are soaking up the last bit of summer. Hope this finds you doing well, too!

Grateful

2009-08-02T20:05:00.002-05:00

It's been a relatively quiet weekend here at the Carlson house. We have enjoyed time together as a family, made the requisite 12 trips to Target, and have, of course, spent hours loving on Hadley.

The past two weeks have been absolutely amazing. Each and every time I gaze at our newest daughter, I am overwhelmed by love and gratitude. I study her hands, her feet, her nose, her eyes, her soft hair....I listen to her grunts and sighs and feel her heart beating through her chest. I snuggle her close and inhale that new baby smell. I even marvel at her cute little bottom with each diaper change. I can't believe she is here.

My mother-in-law stayed with us all last week and it was wonderful to have her help. We took the kids to have their pictures taken and once again, I was a bit overwhelmed with emotion as I watched our three children together...a picture I have longed to see for a long time. I am so grateful that we have been allowed to experience this miracle of new life, and at the same time, the hurt in my heart for those families, like ours, who don't get to bring their babies home with them is still strong. In each moment of joy, I feel led to pray for those families who are in the midst of their pregnancies with a terminally ill baby...or for those who have just found out that their babies will go to heaven instead of coming here to be with them...or for those who have just held their babies for the first and last time...all in one day. My heart is with them.

Connor and Kylee are doing quite well in the roles of big brother and sister. My new catch phrase is "give her some space" as they love to be directly in Hadley's face. :) They are overcome with excitment during the 15 minutes of the day where she is actually alert. Connor has already read stories to her, and Kylee loves to help dress and bathe her. It is such a blessing to watch them interact.

This week will be the first week that I ride herd on the children all by myself. The usual amount of apprehension accompanies this...but I am also flooded with joy and gratitude that I have a baby here to take care of. The house, laundry, meals, and personal hygiene will take care of themselves...for now, I am enjoying every moment of holding and loving on our little miracle.

More Pictures of the Big Day

2009-07-23T14:27:00.001-05:00

Here are a few more pictures of The Big Day. First, we started out by checking into the hospital at 7:00am. Yep, it was an early start for all of us...thus, the kiddos are in pajamas:

Things got rolling around 11:00am, and Lindsey (the ROCK STAR pregnant lady) impressed one and all by bringing Hadley to us in just three pushes! She's an incredible woman! Anyway, here's little Hadley being mad at the indignity of it all:

Once she got cleaned up and warmed up, she was much happier. If you recall from the 3D sonogram, she loved having her hands right up next to her face, or even in her mouth. Looks like she still does:

Here's Jeane, the world's best midwife. She blessed us with her expertise and care for all three of our healthy babies, and spent much of her day off with us on Tuesday. Thanks, Jeane, you're one in a million!

Little Hadley had a long day, too. This is in the evening as she was getting sleepy. Naturally, she perked up throughout the night:

Some pictures of the family:

Connor and Kylee were the first ones in to see their baby sister, and immediately adored her. It was incredible to watch their smiles and their gentle touches. Ever since that first moment, they have been arguing (even to the point of shouts and blows at times) about who's turn it is to hold her! We'll see how long that lasts...

Here's her official coming-home outfit:

We thought it was extremely cute, but she's not too sure about it.

Here we are, ready to head for home:

Once again, we thank you all for your love, prayers, gifts, food, well wishes, and support. The last year has been filled with incredible highs and devastating lows, and we would not have been able to get through it without all of you. We are very, very blessed, and look forward to creating another 'new normal'.

And sleep...we're looking forward to that, too... ;)

Here She Is!

2009-07-21T19:18:00.000-05:00

At 3:18pm, we welcomed the newest member of the Carlson Crew, Hadley Louise Carlson, into this world!!!

6 pounds, 15 ounces, 18.5 inches long

We'll post more pictures in the next few days. Thank you for your prayers and support!

Tomorrow We Meet Her...

2009-07-20T11:27:00.002-05:00

It is surreal to me that tomorrow morning, we will go to the hospital and begin the process of welcoming our baby girl into the world. This week has held a mix of emotions for me...anticipating Hadley, thinking about how our family is about to change, and, of course, grieving Caden as I reflect on all the milestones we've missed with him.

I find myself tearful fairly often...mostly because I am totally overwhelmed by God's grace and goodness and the gift that He has given us in this little girl. Hadley represents so much to us...healing, hope, resolution...and we'll get to hold her....tomorrow.

So, today is my last day of being pregnant. Again, a bit surreal. I feel this little one moving inside me and have mixed emotions about her being on the outside instead of the inside. While it will be nice to breathe normally, perhaps wear clothes without an elastic waistband (still several months away, I know), and maybe make it at least 15 minutes in between runs to the bathroom to pee, I will miss all the kicks, nudges, and tickles that new life in your belly brings. I know, though, that the sadness of missing that will be outweighed by the joy of watching Miss Hadley grow and explore the world around her. I also cannot wait to see her in her Daddy's arms, and to watch her brother and sister's faces as they meet her. :) I am happy to share.

Connor is very excited about Hadley's arrival. He has been counting the days for the last two weeks, and his face lights up when he talks about Hadley "being born". The first thing he told me this morning is that Hadley was going to be born in just ONE DAY! It was great. I know he will be an excellent big brother...no better man to have two sisters as his siblings.

Kylee, however, while excited, is responding a bit differently to the anticipated change. She has been a bit of a pill this week, mostly, I think, because she senses that something new is coming (and she's not real big on change). She, too, is excited to meet Hadley, but I think there is a part of her that fears that we might not get to bring this baby home. She guards her heart...but I look forward to the moment when she can let go and hold a healthy baby...a moment I have anticipated since finding out Hadley was on the way.

We enjoyed our weekend together...our last one as the four of us. We attended a Royals game on Friday night, did school shopping for the kids on Saturday, and then had a special dinner out together on Saturday night (Connor decided that "fancy" restaurants are entirely overrated). Sunday was spent attending Church and relaxing. I enjoyed my last uninterrupted Sunday afternoon nap for quite awhile. It was heaven!

We, once again, humbly ask for your prayers tomorrow. Please pray for our labor, and, of course, for a safe and healthy delivery. Please lift up Connor and Kylee as they deal with a positive, yet big, change in their world. And please pray for Brandon and I as we become parents to Baby #4.

We are so very grateful to be at this point...after such a sad year and then a pregnancy filled with apprehension and doubt, and eventually joy, tomorrow is the culmination of many things for us. We will be posting updates here, so feel free to check in and celebrate with us.

We have so much to be joyful about.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works: that I know very well."

Psalm 139:14

Two Weeks...

2009-07-06T13:17:00.002-05:00

We meet our baby girl in just over 2 weeks! We are all so excited. There has been a great deal of discussion around our house about bringing Hadley home with us. The kids are thrilled, yet I also sense a bit of hesitation in their hearts surrounding this event...as if they won't believe that she's coming home until we actually have her here. I can't say as I blame them for that. They are both asking that we pray for Hadley to arrive safely in their bedtime prayers...I wish that somehow, this baby girl could know how loved and anticipated she is.

My appointments have gone well...Hadley is measuring appropriately and has plenty of fluid around her. We opted for an induction given that the hospital we will deliver at is several miles from our house...and we also wanted to be able to plan things, somewhat, so our family (even those that live far away) could be sure to be here when she arrives. There has been enough uncertainty surrounding all of this, so we are grateful to have a date on the calendar. July 21st it is.

I have been grateful that it wasn't too hot last week. My belly is definitely growing on a daily basis and sometimes just walking is a bit of a task...the kids (and my wonderful husband) are very understanding and bear with me. My emotions are getting stronger as the day approaches...I am so ready to hold this little one in our arms and am overwhelmed by the love that I feel for her. I cannot wait to hear her first cry and look at her pink face all bundled up in a blanket. There are so many small moments that I anticipate after not getting to have them with Caden. My perspective on Hadley's arrival is totally changed...I believe for the better.

We have tried to discuss what life is going to be like after the baby arrives...Connor, in particular, is used to going a million miles a minute, so we have felt it is important for him to understand that after Hadley is born, most days, we will spend time together here at home. He's not quite sure why we can't just haul Hadley with us wherever we go, but for the most part, is very understanding and accepting. I would imagine that Kylee will just love having a baby here to play with and she generally just wants to stay home most days, anyway, so I pray the adjustment will be a smooth one.

We talked about Hadley's birthday over lunch today. I was telling Connor and Kylee that they will be the first ones to hold their sister after Daddy and Mommy. Connor was asking about when she would be born, what time of day it would be, and so forth. I haven't yet had to field the question about how Hadley will come into the world...but we got dangerously close today....

Me: "You will come back to our house with Grandma and Grandpa because Mommy will have to stay a couple nights in the hospital after Hadley is born".

Connor: "Oh, is that so they can make sure that the patch they make for Hadley to be born gets fixed up okay?"

Me: "Yes. Exactly."

Whew! So far, so good...

Caden's "Heaven Day"

2009-06-30T18:00:00.012-05:00

One year ago today, our son, Caden Adair, was born. One of our dearest family friends, Paula, called today "Caden's heaven day," and I thought it was perfect.

For weeks, we have thought about how this day was going to hit us. We decided that it would bring with it a mix of relief and incredible sadness...and perhaps, hopefully, a little bit of joy at knowing our youngest sits at the feet of Jesus (on the first anniversary, it is hard to have the joy outweigh the sadness, I have to be honest).

Once again, we have been amazed and so grateful for the outpouring of love and support that we have received from friends and family. From beautiful cards, to flowers, to e-mail encouragement, to yummy treats and a homemade lunch, we have been so blessed today. It has been a gift to face this difficult day surrounded by love and lifted up in the prayers of others. So, to those of you who have provided that support for us, thank you.

The kids said they wanted to color pictures for Caden and release balloons in his memory, so we did that together as a family tonight. Brandon and I had thought for some time about what would be an appropriate way to commemorate Caden's "heaven day", and in the end, decided to just ask the kids what they wanted to do. So, that's what we did. And it was perfect. They have been well aware of what today means and have asked lots of questions and have been a little sad today, too. They miss their baby brother. What a gift perceptive children are.

One of the greatest reminders we have of our baby boy is our garden. I wanted to share some pictures with you. Things are popping up beautifully this year. The picture at the beginning of this post is of one of our first blooms on our magnolia tree. What great timing to see new signs of life! Here are some other shots of the garden:

Here are some shots of our balloon release. The kids wanted to let the balloons go out in the garden:

When asked if she wanted to say anything, Kylee said she wanted to tell Caden "Hi" and that she "hopes he's doing good in heaven." She wrote her name on the pink balloon.

Connor wrote "Hi, Caden!" on his balloons. When he released his, he yelled "I miss you, Caden!"

Watching the balloons soar...the kids were both very concerned about whether or not the balloons would actually make it up to heaven. We assured them that even if the balloons themselves didn't make it, Caden could see what we were doing.

We love you, baby boy. You dwell in our hearts forever.

Summer Fun!

2009-06-27T12:51:00.014-05:00

I thought I'd share a few pictures of what we've been up to this summer. :)

Summer started with several rainy days. One afternoon, Kylee decided she was going to put on her self-named rain gear and head out regardless of the showers...I thought her choice of rain gear was pretty interesting...I think the pink cowgirl boots were my favorite:

Then, one day, she decided to try on my sunglasses, which, as every parent knows, makes for an ADORABLE photo op. Here's Kylee's "Jackie O" look:

Connor requested dinner at Red Robin for his birthday. He is always adamant that he wants the birthday sundae, but there is to be NO SINGING under any circumstances. He gets that from me. The thought of several servers belting out a horrific rendition of "Happy Birthday" to me in front of a bunch of strangers is my idea of utter humiliation.

Look, Mom, I'm seven!

As you know, Kylee has been taking a dance class with her friend from preschool, Emily. She, at first, was quite resistant to the idea, but has grown to love it, and will occasionally put on performances here at home to demonstrate what she's learned in class. Based on what I've seen here at home, I believe this is them rehearsing their "Welcome Song" together. This is NOT a good picture of the instructor, who is not generally as enthusiastic as she appears here (thank goodness):

Kylee and Emily after class:

The majority of our summer has been spent at the Community Center in the water. Both of the kids wrapped up their swimming lessons this week and did an AMAZING job. The classes conclude with a journey down to the deep end of the pool (14 ft), where the kids get to jump off the platform and go off the slide. In Connor's class, by the last week, they were then swimming to the side by themself, while in Kylee's class, her teacher caught each of them as they slid into the water. The kids LOVED their lessons. Here's Kylee getting ready to slide:

Pretty proud of herself:

Connor working on his strokes in the pool with his teacher:

Connor getting ready to slide. This is his apprehensive pose. When he's nervous, his fingers migrate to his mouth. On the last week, when the teacher didn't get in the water to catch them as they came down the slide, Connor peeked his head around the edge of the slide and yelled "Aren't you going to help us?" It was pretty cute. The teacher assured him he'd be fine. And he was!

Using his freestyle to get to the side:

We also spend a fair amount of time at the pool in the afternoons, just playing together (at this point, I am sitting on the side watching. There are advantages to having two older children. Next year will be a very different story!).

I LOVE this pic of the kids:

Stay cool!